Is it wrong to feel bad when unattractive Men approach you?

[PlumPrincess]

When I was in highschool I was pretty much a fat chick magnet. I took it pretty much the same way you do right now.

 

However, once I got to college I realized what was really going on. Fat girls didn't like me because they thought I was easy for them to get. They liked me because I was a good person.

 

See, the other guys tended to treat them like dog crap... but I treated them like everybody else. I have a good personality... and they see that.

Interesting thought...

[Shaun-Dro]

I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me

 

I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel

 

You should feel bad. It's mean and inconsiderate because you as a woman never do the approaching, so be glad us men have the guts to do it.

[Professor X]

Who are YOU? And it is, OF COURSE.

 

****ing know-it-all.

 

Dumbass uses an argument which is a counter-argument to his own. Paradox at it's best.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Professor X

[Professor X]

You're the dumbass. You're talking out your ass now, changing the topic and resorting to childish names because you're too stupid to say anything intelligent relating to the topic.

 

Get back on your mama's titties you sexually frustrated, I-use-words-like-dumbass-when-cornered, know-it-all ass nerd.

Yeye, I am not the tard who used a paradox to argue anything. Obvious troll is obvious.

[Professor X]

You answered a question with the same question I asked you, and you're talking?

 

Obvious retard is obvious.

 

How's the racist stalker going? Fantasy land much?

 

<3 how when people got nothing to say they just rephrase what I said x obvious is x <(x_x)>

[Professor X]

Just like how you repeated the same question I asked you.

 

You just unknowingly admitted you have nothing to say. Congratulations, you are officially a dumbass.

 

A question does not equate a question, for they have different wording and meaning. You however, used same template

 

See, that's why you need to go back to community college, get dem breyn sellz guing :bunny::bunny::bunny:

[Professor X]

Oh and of course you can do and say whatever the hell you want without moderation or being banned because they play favorites. That's why you are the disgusting ****face that you are on this forum. They enable your bad attitude.

 

Wait until I get other people involved in this piece of **** website they call a forum.

 

We'll see who has the last laugh then.

 

Oooh, I see with got here an E-criminal, keyboard gangsta! :bunny::bunny::bunny:

P.S. Community college = racism ? I C.

 

Time to report

[Feelsgoodman]

I am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel

This is a bit contradictory, don't you think? It's like that saying "I am not physically abusive towards my girlfriend but I sometimes beat her up when she pisses me off".

[Professor X]

Now you're trying to get out of it and pretend you never said that.

 

**** you, you disgusting racist. They should have beheaded you all in the Civil War.

 

But, but... I wasn't in the civil war :< Nor were my people :( :bunny:

[Feelsgoodman]

And to answer the OP's question, you feel this way because you are insecure. You have to understand that most guys that approach you will be unattractive as a rule, because the attractive ones don't need to approach random women.

[Professor X]

You say whatever you want because you know with your post count, the mods play favorites, ban me and keep your ass around. But it's okay. I will come back.

 

And we shall see who gets the last laugh.

I never got favors especially due to my post count, I did get warned once, and it was spot on.

 

I'm off to bed, I'm sure you'll create a new acc soon, don't forget to let me know Night troll! :bunny::bunny:

[fortyninethousand322]

I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me

 

I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel

 

One day you'll be wishing those unattractive guys were approaching you still. That's how life works.

 

Also, one of those unattractive guys could end up being the ugly duckling who turns into a swan. Best to live by the Golden Rule.

[kaylan]

One day you'll be wishing those unattractive guys were approaching you still. That's how life works.

 

Also, one of those unattractive guys could end up being the ugly duckling who turns into a swan. Best to live by the Golden Rule.

What golden rule? So she should date people she finds unattractive? Come on now.

 

And guys need to stop bitterly wishing comeuppance on women. You have no idea what her life will be like one day. If anything you should hope she finds someone she finds attractive and who is a good guy to have a relationship with. No one should date someone they find unattractive. Thats just asking for a bad relationship.

[fortyninethousand322]

What golden rule? So she should date people she finds unattractive? Come on now.

 

No, treat people as you would want to be treated. She said "but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel". It's never ok to lash out at people because of your own issues.

 

And guys need to stop bitterly wishing comeuppance on women. You have no idea what her life will be like one day. If anything you should hope she finds someone she finds attractive and who is a good guy to have a relationship with. No one should date someone they find unattractive. Thats just asking for a bad relationship.

 

I'm saying we should all appreciate what we have in life because it can gone one day. Even me complaining about being single all the time. I know that one day I'll probably think to myself "those were the days, when I could spend an entire day playing ball with my boys until the sun went down and we couldn't even see the court anymore". Even the things that might annoy us will one day be something we long for.

 

In general, I don't wish ill on people I don't know. Except the Yankees and Red Sox of course. I hope both lose 100 games each this year and every year.

Edited March 19, 2012 by fortyninethousand322

[Jane2011]

but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel

 

Someone above compared this to a boyfriend saying "I'm not abusive but occasionally I beat the sh*t out of my girlfriend if she pisses me off"

 

I don't think her "lashing out" at times is really comparable to physical abuse. And first of all, we don't really know what she means by "lashing out." Some people don't choose their words carefully and put something much more harshly than the actual act. She may mean that she just gave them an annoyed look or whatever. Few women, unless they're crazy, literally lash out at unwanted attention, to the point of yelling or cursing a guy out. More likely, it would be just giving a slight annoyed look or ignoring them altogether.

 

At any rate, when she says "I am not mean, I usually let guys I'm not attracted to down easily, but I have lashed out at times because....etc. etc.," I find that similar to the way most everyone here (unless they're dishonest about their behavior over time) is 90% of the time nice to people in general (store clerks, other people out in public, other drivers on the road, random strangers), but every so often have their bad days and are admittedly rude (or even just brusque) to a person when they didn't have to be.

 

Even most of the people on this board who are saying it's never right to lash out at people...lash out at people on this board all the time.

 

Personally, I have had occasions of being annoyed by someone who tried to talk to me who I wasn't interested in. I've never "lashed out" at anyone, but I've ignored people a time or two, especially when they won't take a hint. Very recently, this guy tried to hit on me when I was at a coffee shop doing some work. (I write or do teaching prep at coffee shops). I talked to him for a while, but then kind of let the situation trail off, making clear I neeed to get started on my work. He just sat there next to me for almost a full hour, still trying to talk to me even after I made it clear I had work to do. I had no qualms about ignoring him. Soon I even put my earphones on and started listening to music. I wasn't rude; I just ignored him. More often I'm very delicate with people, but the ignores have happened here and there.

 

The OP may want to clarify just what she means by "lashing out." If she's actually cursing people out or even just saying rude things like "Dude, not even. Get away" then I'll agree she needs to stop.

[Jane2011]

I'll admit, though, that in the absence of her clarification, one has to go by her words -- that she's actually "lashing out."

 

Are you being that mean, OP?

[Jane2011]

im in the lowest leauge

 

Don't say things like that about yourself.

[lino]

How dare those undesirable guys! Where do they get the audacity to approach you?

[Thieves]

HopelessRomantic, I think more than anything, you're taking this too personally. We can't always choose who we attract, but we can choose how we react to it. Honestly though, I'd be lying if I said I didn't relate sometimes to what you feel.

 

All in all, I'd advise you one thing: relax. And also don't forget to hone in on other reasons why certain men aren't giving you the amount of interest you desire. Whether they're decent-looking or not, everyone has their own imperfections and insecurities that they have to fight in order to approach someone they're attracted to... and I think it's somewhat of a 'myth' that all supposedly attractive people have a much easier time approaching others. People are individuals, and it's entirely possible that the type of people you find attractive don't have the self-confidence to think they're attractive enough... thus preventing them from approaching you.

 

When it comes down to it, the ego is a fragile thing, so keep this in mind when you have these unattractive men approaching you. Some of them may just not be your cuppa tea, but you can't blame them for trying. Approaching the opposite sex is a skill that takes work, period. Trust that it really says more about them than you, which is... well, they found you attractive. Take that in stride and try to be satisfied with the knowledge that you're found attractive by quite a few people, even if they're not your 'type'. Some people are not so lucky to have even that...

[ScreamingTrees]

And you wonder why women don't like you...

 

THIS is why women don't like you. You're pathetic. I can't freaking stand sad, pitiful, worthless men like you. I don't feel sorry for you. If you are looking for pity look elsewhere cuz you ain't gettin' it here.

 

Get yourself together. No woman will ever wanna waste their time with a sad person like you.

 

In his defense, don't know him from adam, but I don't think any real man would waste their time with a heartless sociopath, either. The both of you are sitting on the ugly extremes of the spectrum.

 

Sad, angry.. neither is positive or enjoyable.

 

At least you can tolerate and empathize more often with the former than the latter, especially if you've been in their position and have risen above. Unless your anger is justified in some way, but not really in this case, you're just being a condescending, judgemental bitch, as if your **** don't stink.

 

Sure, teasing the weird/awkward or overweight kid in school might've forced them to want to change, likely for the better, but at the cost of what, ultimately? Leaving their psyche permanently scarred? Leaving them with an inferiority complex? Social anxiety? Mental defense mechanisms? It's likely and largely because of judgemental, unapologetically unempathetic people like you that there are "pathetic" people out there like this guy, both male and female.

 

No one cares about your edgy cool self-righteous bad ass attitude. **** off.

 

EDIT: And even if you could argue that the guy's probably a troll, there really are plenty of guys out there with such a hopelessly self-defeating attitude ingrained within them. You're not helping the guy by making him feel worse, especially if his feelings are irrational.

Edited March 19, 2012 by ScreamingTrees

[batyote]

And you wonder why women don't like you...

 

THIS is why women don't like you. You're pathetic. I can't freaking stand sad, pitiful, worthless men like you. I don't feel sorry for you. If you are looking for pity look elsewhere cuz you ain't gettin' it here.

 

Get yourself together. No woman will ever wanna waste their time with a sad person like you.

 

Is this really necessary?

[veggirl]

Hmm. If the only attention / approaches I received were from unattractive fellas, then I would assume I am grossly overestimating my own attractiveness. I wouldn't feel "hurt" by an unattractive guy approaching me otherwise. I'd admire their tenacity and courage, tbh, lots of guys don't do ANY approaching, I applaud anyone who approaches someone they are attracted to. If NO ONE you find attractive is attracted to you, OP, then you probably need to do some thinking (or looking--in the mirror)

[grkBoy]

I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me

 

I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel

 

I think you worry too much.

 

You seem to think if ugly guys approach you, then it might mean you're not very good looking. Are attractive men approaching as well?

 

I would more think those "ugly" guys (I use quotes because "ugly" is a state of opinion from the person looking, not an all-around category) are just carrying enough spine and balls that they will take a chance on a lady they find attractive.

 

NOW...if none of the "hot" guys are looking your way, then it might mean that in terms of looks you don't merit as "attractive" to those guys. Although, I'd also tell you to examine if those guys are good men or just hot hard-to-tame men.

[Leigh 87]

I admit I have felt the same way: I resented the fact that ugly men would hit on ME, when surely they would not bother with a super model type as they know they would not have a shot?

 

 

 

Now, I have chosen to focus on just being myself, and not concerning myself with the " leagues" theory. Some men find me gorgeous, others do not.

 

 

Perhaps, good looking men with decent personalities, meet women readily through their friends, through their hobbies, and they would only bother chatting up a girl in public if the women had a certain spark about them...

 

 

I would guess that the best looking men have a lot of options, and have less need to chat up girls in public. They would only bother with particular interesting looking women, who are reading a book they like, or strike them as a good person to chat with.

 

 

I often wonder too, if the type of guys who chat me up, is indivative of my " league"... then I stop and actively decide to focus only on my personality, to the point where I will NOT CARE who I attract: I would prefer to judge my success as a person, based on the amount of decent guys want to spend time with me, who may be average, but have amazing personalities.

 

 

 

I understand, it IS hard to not let unimportant things both you: unnatractive guys hitting on u, when hot guys do not, is just one of those annoying things that CAN easily bother u....

 

 

It is fine when those small things get to you, just KNOW that it is a small, insignificant thing, and do not let it bother you too much. Just see it as a funny thing in life that annoys u to a small extent, but does not dictate your mood or your self worth.

[chris09s]

I'm just guessing here, but the OP seems to be relatively immature and young (from the tone of her post). I could be wrong.

 

That said, I have to warn you, the girls that were considered the "hottest" in high school/college, many of them go on to lose that "hotness" over the next 5, 10, or 15 years. On the opposite side of the spectrum, many of those who were "fat" or "ugly" or "just average" become pretty damn attractive (Dare I say, more attractive than the "hottest" girls from high school/college).

 

Take that at face value. Perhaps, you have hit your peak and it's all downhill from here. Hopefully, you'll be able to keep the vomit down if you have make out with one of these "ugly guys" down the road.