First Love

[Kingdoey]

Hi all I am 23. I have been a member for a while but have never really posted.

 

Im having real trouble to get over my first love, the only girl i want in my life. I will give you the background (try to keep it short!)

 

I was 17 and she was 16 when we met. I am from Bournemouth and met her through my cousin in London. We started a long distance relationship seeing each other at weekends. When I was 18 I moved up to London to be with her and found work. I was there until I was 21.

 

Things were quite serious between us and we talked about getting a place together and maybe starting a family. Yes we argued, especially when we were younger but we grew up and matured together.

 

The relationship ended in Jan 2009, after 4 years, when I joined the army, it was something that I had always wanted to do but due to being away for long periods of time etc we split as felt it would put a strain on our relationship. She told me that she couldnt handle being with a soldier but i felt that I had to put my career aspirations first and so regrettably we ended. It got quite nasty when we split and we both quickly got with other people, rebounds in a way to try and cope.

 

She wanted me back but even though I wanted her i said no as at the time thought I was doing the right thing, that maybe as we had been together for so long we both needed to experience life and being with other people etc...

 

Over the years we drifted in and out of contact and have met up several times since 2009, ending up in sex despite being with other people. My feelings have never died for her and I have thought about her everyday since we split. No other girl has ever come close to her.

 

More recently we have been talking and this weekend we decided to meet up. Ended up having a few drinks and staying at hers. I poured my heart out to her after all this time in bed but we had no physical contact, she wouldnt even let me cuddle her. This hurt so much. I asked her outright if we would ever be together again and she said no. Too much time had passed and that it was too late for us, and that I should have said this sooner.

 

I am trying to accept this but I cant. For everyday since 2009 I have missed, thought of and loved her so much. Even though she tells me now that we will never be again I cant let go. Women have come and go over the last 3 years but I have never been interested in them. Its only her. In a way the thought of ACTUALLY getting over her scares me, Idont want to ever stop loving her.

 

I am at the point of exhaustion now, I want to get her out of my head but I cant. No matter what I try. My question is, will this ever go away or am I going to be tormented for the rest of my life? It has been three years and having seen her this weekend I know that I love her more than ever.

 

I am not really an emotional person and would say I am quite hard faced but writing this is making me feel despair and heartache.

 

Has anyone else experienced this constant longing for someone they love after so much time? Will it ever get easier?

 

Thank you for reading

Edited March 18, 2012 by Kingdoey

[smudge21]

Forget the three years, the reality is you're breaking up with someone from the last moment you saw them, not three years ago. Face it, up until the weekend just gone, you always had hope that something would happen, you'd work it out and get back together, somehow. Now that dream has been crushed and reality has hit hard. So with all that in mind, you have just pretty much broken up with the girl you love... so you are going to be hurting for a long time.

 

This is where LS comes in - you need to look through all the other threads and read what the rest of us are going through. No contact is used as the most effective method, but like a drug addict trying to stay off heroin, it's never easy and we all slip up from time to time. But then you just get back on with it, start again and learn from those mistakes and slip ups.

 

There is no easy fix, but one thing for certain is to avoid any begging or love letters - she's made her peace and said it to your face. Many of us don't get that luxury and spend out lives in limbo. At least you do know the facts and do know where you stand.

 

It will take a long time to heal and the journey won't be easy, so get some support from friends and family and if it gets too much, consider a therapist. No shame in admitting you can't cope - in fact, it's a sign of strength to admit ones problems rather than run away from them.

 

No one knows what will happen tomorrow, next week or next year, so try not to think about it. Just do what you can to heal, whatever that takes. It's all about you now and time to be selfish and live for you. Accept that there is nothing you can do to win her back because that's not how this all works. Also, don't be doing any of that regret nonsense - you can't change the past, and even if you could, who's to say things wouldn't have gone even worse.

 

Good luck.