Time to move on...?

[waitin4u]

A quick history... I have been divorced for 9 years, well adjusted, and don't hold any grudges or negative thoughts from my marriage. I have 2 boys who are also well adjusted and bascially on their own (one out of college, one in college), who only want me to be happy.

 

Approx. 1 1/2 years ago, I met a man that, for the first time in a long time, I could see a potential future with him. I asked him directly on our first date if he was divorced and his answer was yes. I asked how long and his answer was, not long. For some reason, I let that slide because I was so taken with him. Two months later, there wasn't a direct confession that he was still married, but I started putting pieces of information I found out together. Finally, he admitted that he didn't have paperwork signed, but he had been to court and they were just working out the details. It took several months, but the divorce was finally done.

 

The problem is, he has teenage girls who are very bitter. He is supposed to have them 1/2 the time and lives only 10 minutes from them. He attends most of their events and is very supportive. They don't return his phone calls or text messages and haven't come to his place for an overnight visit in 8 months. His oldest daughter turned 18 and went off to college and his child support was reduced, but his youngest hasn't been to his place since. She insists she is suddenly "scared", don't like his place, she is too busy, etc. He tried going to court twice to get visitation enforced and finally walked away after both girls filed affidavits against him, said he was terrible, abuve, etc (I have never seen any of this and don't believe this just changes overnight).

 

However, he still tries to have a relationship with them, even though the only time they give him any time is when he buys them something. Yet, he continues to be supportive of them and goes to all of their events.

 

The problem for me is this... I was very up front with him that I was looking for a relationshp and hope to be married again some day. He insists that he is ready for a relationship, but he mopes around, continuing to sit by the phone in hopes that they will call or text him. He cries night after night, which is very hard for me to watch. When I say something, I am "not supportive" or "too critical", even though I have met both girls, have never done anything remotely mean to them, and have been nothing but supportive (even attending their events with him).

 

This weekend, we drove to an event in a city 5 hours away, only to get to the venue and there were no cars in the parking lot. He finally gets a hold of his oldest daughter (it was the youngest's event, she was just with her mom and sister) and she tells him the event is in a different town over 40 miles away. In fact, they had enough time to change hotel, yet even though they knew he was coming, they were rude enough not to tell him the location had changed.

 

We finally got to the event and as planned, I went and did other things for the day to support my hobby and he stayed at his daughter's event. When I picked him up later that day, we weren't in the car 5 minutes and I asked if they explained why they didn't tell him the event was moved and his response was defensiveness and that he just wanted peace. He didn't speak to me the rest of the night.

 

Today on the 5 hour drive home, I told him that I didn't feel loved because he snapped at me based on how his girls treated him and he became defensive again. The end result is... he says I am picking him to choose and he picks his girls. He went on to say that I never give him time to work on things (which is not true), that I am not supportive, and he can't tolerate me. I tried asking how this was possibly my fault as I have been very supportive through some very ugly times with his girls, but he is pushing me away.

 

I beleive he is scared to move forward because he desperately wants a relationship with his girls, even though they have basically told him to "stay away" and they don't want anything to do with him. I feel like he is waiting for something that will never happen and my frustration level has been increasing.

 

I love this man with all my heart. For the first time in 9 years, I honestly felt a connection with this man and was looking forward to moving on with him.

 

I know he is stuck in the past, won't deal with the present, and is pushing me away because he has been treated terrible for so long, he doesn't realize it is me that is being supportive. I also don't want to just fill the void for this man, which makes me very nervous. He believes he deserves better than having someone criticize his girls and how he handles them (he doesn't handle them or hold them accountable); he just tries to keep the peace with them so they will talk to him.

 

I would appreciate any thoughts. heartbroken and extremely sad...