Stilnaught Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Hey all, i'll keep it to a short question: If your partner leaves you due to GIGS, is he/she still in love with you? Or is it rooted so deep that he/she doesn't love you at that time, or doesn't feel it at any rate? Link to post Share on other sites
Toxhicide Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I don't know if I have GIGS, or if I have something else, but do you know the phrase "I love you, but I am not in love with you"? That sums it up. I can barely understand it and I have no idea what happened. I care so much for my girl right now but I know how I really feel and it is so hard, at least for me. I am going to be talking to her on the phone soon and I hope that we can both keep our cool. As to other people, I am not sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) They feel GREAT! Relieved and grateful the relationship is over generally throw caution to the wind. They have stars in their eyes, their future is bright and they have the world buy the tail. It takes a while but eventually their bad choices, their consequences and life catches up with them. They come down to earth and are forced to face reality. Takes several years though. Edited March 19, 2012 by gibson 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stilnaught Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 I don't know if I have GIGS, or if I have something else, but do you know the phrase "I love you, but I am not in love with you"? That sums it up. That's what i mean! But i can't grasp it. Do you still feel love, or is it really just the knowledge of "you are everything that i want" that replaced love? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 You feel numb, nothing. You think you are the king/queen of the world and are happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toxhicide Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 That's what i mean! But i can't grasp it. Do you still feel love, or is it really just the knowledge of "you are everything that i want" that replaced love? I can barely grasp it. Right now it feels as if I never actually truly loved her. She is "everything that I want", but it is as if the feeling has disappeared somehow and gone to another person. This other person happens to be an old crush from 3/4 years ago that I keep getting a crush on. It feels terrible to be with a great person who has only loved you and you have all of the sudden lost feelings for them. It is indescribable, but horrible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MarlaOryx Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 You feel numb, nothing. You think you are the king/queen of the world and are happy. Is this from self experience or witnessing it in an ex? Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Is this from self experience or witnessing it in an ex? I had G.I.G.S., many of my friends had G.I.G.S. and dated and was in relationships with several people that had G.I.G.S. (whom I later heard from). They are all the same and what he said is accurate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MarlaOryx Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I had G.I.G.S., many of my friends had G.I.G.S. and dated and was in relationships with several people that had G.I.G.S. (whom I later heard from). They are all the same and what he said is accurate. Wow. That's really interesting. You said you had GIGS. How did you get over it? I envy that, really. Not the GIGS, but the feeling so good and sure of a bright future after a break up. That must make breakups very easy to face. No? I think my ex might have GIGS. Curious as to what he's feeling now, and I can imagine that this is exactly how he's feeling. His ex gf told me he missed me three weeks ago, but still haven't heard a word from him. Link to post Share on other sites
HollyBolly Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Okay, what is the difference between being dumped for G.I.G.S. and being dumped by a narcissist/borderline/histrionic? A lot of the ways my ex ended things with me, one would think it's G.I.G.S. However, she also exhibits a lot of the signs of having a personality disorder, i.e. lack of empathy, paranoia, extreme fear of abandonment, etc. Has ANY one of you ever experienced being dumped by someone whom you think had a personality disorder? If so, please share! Link to post Share on other sites
HollyBolly Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 You feel numb, nothing. You think you are the king/queen of the world and are happy. And did you come back down to Earth? If so, after how long? Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Typically dumpers (although you are the last to know) have months to plan, prepare, accept and get over you before they dump you. I suggest you read the following threads if you want to learn more about G.I.G.S. to help you better understand it and what it's like for the person who has it: I suggest you read the following threads: "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! and... G.I.G.S. Explained Another Way Now that we are through Valentine's Day and Spring Fever is in the air. Let the G.I.G.S. dumpings commence! If you haven't noticed, LS has been flooded since Valentine's Day and will continue to be over the next several weeks / months. Your Ex was more than likely thinking about dumping you since mid to late last year. Just takes a while before they make up their mind for sure. Did he spend a lot of time or make a lot of new "friends", new hobbies or interests? Did he seem distant, confused, torn? If your Ex didn't cheat on you or have a rebound / soft landing spot waiting in the wings, consider yourself lucky, most are not. Got to love this time of year.... G.I.G.S. season is upon us! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HollyBolly Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Typically dumpers (although you are the last to know) have months to plan, prepare, accept and get over you before they dump you. I suggest you read the following threads if you want to learn more about G.I.G.S. to help you better understand it and what it's like for the person who has it: I suggest you read the following threads: "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! and... G.I.G.S. Explained Another Way Now that we are through Valentine's Day and Spring Fever is in the air. Let the G.I.G.S. dumpings commence! If you haven't noticed, LS has been flooded since Valentine's Day and will continue to be over the next several weeks / months. Your Ex was more than likely thinking about dumping you since mid to late last year. Just takes a while before they make up their mind for sure. Did he spend a lot of time or make a lot of new "friends", new hobbies or interests? Did he seem distant, confused, torn? If your Ex didn't cheat on you or have a rebound / soft landing spot waiting in the wings, consider yourself lucky, most are not. Got to love this time of year.... G.I.G.S. season is upon us! Yes, I read all that. Thank you, though. My ex started 'changing' after she got a new job in July last year. SHE, actually, moved out, started going on FB a lot and seemed to WANT to find herself. That was what she said anyway, "I am trying to be more independent." Which I always advocated for her and welcomed. As for cheating on me, well...I'm sure she would have had I not broken up with her first. I broke up with her after she showed no support for me when my dog was killed in a car accident on Christmas. Then she begged me for one last chance. I gave it to her only to have her break up with me 2 weeks after. I also found out then that she had tried to seduce a married, mutual, male friend of ours 5 days after she begged me for the one last chance. Therefore, I am left wondering if she had G.I.G.S. or she is just borderline or narcissistic. She did the same thing to her ex husband and the bf before him. Only she succeeded in cheating on them. Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 From what I know, seen and experienced with G.I.G.S. I think it's fair to say that you could never accuse them of having a moral compass that always points north. In a lot of them, they do a complete 180. This is their "rebellion" phase where they don't really give a crap about anyone or anything. You typically see the hardcore partying, drinking, drugs, sleeping around, dating people you would never imagine they ever would, clubbing, bars, dropping out of school, losing jobs, etc. They all don't behave like that above. Some it's about school, friends, career, starting a business, hobbies, traveling, thrill seeking, etc. As crazy as the previous poster's Ex sounds... it's not hard to imagine one the G.I.G.S. people who does the typical 180, to behave in that way. Link to post Share on other sites
HollyBolly Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 From what I know, seen and experienced with G.I.G.S. I think it's fair to say that you could never accuse them of having a moral compass that always points north. In a lot of them, they do a complete 180. This is their "rebellion" phase where they don't really give a crap about anyone or anything. You typically see the hardcore partying, drinking, drugs, sleeping around, dating people you would never imagine they ever would, clubbing, bars, dropping out of school, losing jobs, etc. They all don't behave like that above. Some it's about school, friends, career, starting a business, hobbies, traveling, thrill seeking, etc. As crazy as the previous poster's Ex sounds... it's not hard to imagine one the G.I.G.S. people who does the typical 180, to behave in that way. Which, of course, does not answer my question re: Has anyone been dumped by someone with a personality disorder? But, thank you, gibson. Sheesh! Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Which, of course, does not answer my question re: Has anyone been dumped by someone with a personality disorder? But, thank you, gibson. Sheesh! You and your Ex are older but a lot of people here on LS think people in their 20's that go through the whole G.I.G.S. / rebellion thing have BPD, NPD, OCD, etc. I suggest you search for the name Downtown if you want to learn more about personality disorders. He has A LOT of information and knows his stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GivenUp0083 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 As crazy as the previous poster's Ex sounds... it's not hard to imagine one the G.I.G.S. people who does the typical 180, to behave in that way. I think the 180 factor is something that is pretty common with GIGS. My ex dumped me for an "idea of a perfect man". She didn't have one lined up, but she truly believed that someday she will find a fairy tale love story where she falls in love at first sight and will be head over heels in love the rest of her life with someone. Unfortunately for her the real world just doesn't work that way. Relationships, all of them, take some work and have the highs and lows. My ex used to tell me she loved me and she would call me and text me at least 3 times a day. She had to text me first thing in the morning when she woke and had to hear my voice every night before bed. She introduced me to her entire family, planned big expensive trips with me, and made everything seem like she was madly in love with me. Until one day she starts a petty fight with me over nothing, acts very immature to get a negative reaction out of me, then uses that as justification to end an otherwise perfect relationship. What got me the most was her saying "I've been thinking about breaking up for months" yet she told me she loved me about 50 times in that timeframe. Basically, with some GIGS people not all of them, they are at the far end of either spectrum. Everyone has ups and downs, and has doubts and no doubt about loving someone once in a while. You just need to find someone that doesn't race to the opposite end of that spectrum. Some GIGS people act like they're madly in love with you once week and then the next they're in tears breaking up with you because they can't stand being with you. My biggest question: Why would you want to be with someone who puts you through that kind of rollercoaster? What kind of way is that to live? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 My biggest question: Why would you want to be with someone who puts you through that kind of rollercoaster? What kind of way is that to live? Understanding and unconditional love is a bitch! It gets better! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I think the 180 factor is something that is pretty common with GIGS. My ex dumped me for an "idea of a perfect man". She didn't have one lined up, but she truly believed that someday she will find a fairy tale love story where she falls in love at first sight and will be head over heels in love the rest of her life with someone. Unfortunately for her the real world just doesn't work that way. Relationships, all of them, take some work and have the highs and lows. My ex used to tell me she loved me and she would call me and text me at least 3 times a day. She had to text me first thing in the morning when she woke and had to hear my voice every night before bed. She introduced me to her entire family, planned big expensive trips with me, and made everything seem like she was madly in love with me. Until one day she starts a petty fight with me over nothing, acts very immature to get a negative reaction out of me, then uses that as justification to end an otherwise perfect relationship. What got me the most was her saying "I've been thinking about breaking up for months" yet she told me she loved me about 50 times in that timeframe. Basically, with some GIGS people not all of them, they are at the far end of either spectrum. Everyone has ups and downs, and has doubts and no doubt about loving someone once in a while. You just need to find someone that doesn't race to the opposite end of that spectrum. Some GIGS people act like they're madly in love with you once week and then the next they're in tears breaking up with you because they can't stand being with you. My biggest question: Why would you want to be with someone who puts you through that kind of rollercoaster? What kind of way is that to live? I cant agree more about your post. One minute they want you, the next they don't. It is a total mind**** and no one deserves to feel like a toy. If your feelings are not validated by the other then get rid of them, they will only hurt you in the end. It's their problem, not yours. If you offer absolute love to another person and they disregard it or do not want it, for whatever reason, let them go. Give them what they want, their so-called freedom, and enjoy yours too. When they set you free, you may feel alone, but also you have the chance to find a better partner, who wont make you wonder about their feelings. Imo, if I have to wonder how they feel about me, that's a red flag. If they can't communicate, etc that is not my problem. If I dont feel appreciated and cared for, it's over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Now that we are through Valentine's Day and Spring Fever is in the air. Let the G.I.G.S. dumpings commence! If you haven't noticed, LS has been flooded since Valentine's Day and will continue to be over the next several weeks / months. Your Ex was more than likely thinking about dumping you since mid to late last year. Just takes a while before they make up their mind for sure. Did he spend a lot of time or make a lot of new "friends", new hobbies or interests? Did he seem distant, confused, torn? If your Ex didn't cheat on you or have a rebound / soft landing spot waiting in the wings, consider yourself lucky, most are not. Got to love this time of year.... G.I.G.S. season is upon us! Wow, Gibson, you are so bang on with all of this! Everything you have written throughout this thread is EXACTLY what my ex did to me a few years ago. You know it so well. Fortunately, I was wise enough to realize what he was diong at the time. I remember even telling him he had Grass is Greener Syndrome, and this was even before I knew much about it. But WOW your words are amazing! Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 And wow, does this ever HURT LIKE HELL when your ex does end up with GIGS syndrome. Most horrible pain I've ever gone through. Watchign this person I'd loved and known so well turn into this crazy person. It was insanity. Sometimes I think back on it and it feels like a surreal dream. I couldn't grasp it at the time. I don't remember anything hurting so bad. I felt like I was going crazy. Seriously. Yes, GIGS people think they are the ****, are high as a kite on themselves, are arrogant, self righteous, cocky, pleased as punch at leaving you, and have no regrets at that point in time. NONE. And it hurts like a bitch to be on the receiving end of GIGS syndrome. Ugh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) And wow, does this ever HURT LIKE HELL when your ex does end up with GIGS syndrome. Most horrible pain I've ever gone through. Watchign this person I'd loved and known so well turn into this crazy person. It was insanity. Sometimes I think back on it and it feels like a surreal dream. I couldn't grasp it at the time. I don't remember anything hurting so bad. I felt like I was going crazy. Seriously. Yes, GIGS people think they are the ****, are high as a kite on themselves, are arrogant, self righteous, cocky, pleased as punch at leaving you, and have no regrets at that point in time. NONE. And it hurts like a bitch to be on the receiving end of GIGS syndrome. Ugh. I couldn't have said it any better myself. Dealing with the fact that you were dumped, seeing them do the complete 180 in their lives and turning into a crazy person. The attitude, the arrogance, not giving a crap about you are really anything, a.k.a. the G.I.G.S. "High Horse", etc. is surreal not to mention painful to see / watch / hear about. It's usually just a "phase" that last for several years before they return to "normal" but until that happens... You honestly don't know which person is the real one because the change is so drastic. Is it the one you were with for all those years or this new crazy person? By the time they come around, you are usually over them, don't want them back, "upgraded" and moved on with your life. However, you usually hear from them at some point. I've heard from G.I.G.S. Exes many years later (all of them wanted a second change) and so have my friends. I myself, still carry the torch for my GIGS Ex that I dumped. Sad the day I learned she was getting married, I will never forget it. Good thing she is bless, happy, wonderful husband and amazing kids, her and I are still friends 20 years later (although we didn't talk for 4 to 5 year while I had GIGS). Edited March 19, 2012 by gibson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Gibson, I cannot believe how bang on you are about everything. I posted on here a few days ago. Here is my post. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/317857-heard-my-ex-again-time-phone-call Because I've heard from my ex...the one that went crazy with GIGS syndrome. It actually makes me feel some kind of peace reading your words, knowing I wasn't crazy. Even to this day it has hurt deep down inside me, because i had never gone thru anything like that before. I really honestly didn't know who was the real him anymore. I remember sayign that to him. That he'd done a complete 180. Like Jekyll and Hyde. It was horrific. Awful. He went from this sweet loving guy who adored me, to this arrogant, self-righteous prick. It was insanity. Now he's apologizing. Link to post Share on other sites
MarlaOryx Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Gibson, I cannot believe how bang on you are about everything. I posted on here a few days ago. Here is my post. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/317857-heard-my-ex-again-time-phone-call Because I've heard from my ex...the one that went crazy with GIGS syndrome. It actually makes me feel some kind of peace reading your words, knowing I wasn't crazy. Even to this day it has hurt deep down inside me, because i had never gone thru anything like that before. I really honestly didn't know who was the real him anymore. I remember sayign that to him. That he'd done a complete 180. Like Jekyll and Hyde. It was horrific. Awful. He went from this sweet loving guy who adored me, to this arrogant, self-righteous prick. It was insanity. Now he's apologizing. Wow. You have all described my ex exactly. 180 turn in a matter of hours. From sweet, loving, adoring man with whom I experienced a transcendent love...to an arrogant, self-righteous, condescending jerk. One week we were blissfully in love and he wanted me to come to his every auction. Told me how much happier he was when I was around. That he adored me. Was crazy about me...we experienced 95% blissful love and only 5% hurt feelings, fear, pain, etc... The next, he felt "the need to take a step back" from this relationship. Since it was an open one, he could always see other people. We both could. That's what's even more baffling. He's looking for 100% good. No bad at all. He wants fun and easy PLUS the depth of intimacy and love that we shared. No possible, of course. He doesn't realize that one can have easy or deep. Not both. Real relationships take work. I guess that is GIGS. And, yes, it's so painful. So confusing. It's been a month NC, and I feel like I'm still reeling from a car crash. Picking up the pieces of my life. He's 34. He's not in his 20s, as the GIGS thread talks about. He's had 40 relationships in 14 yrs...I guess that says something. Always looking for something better. It's rather heartbreaking. Literally. So...he might come back one day asking for another chance? Back when my grass is greener? But it usually takes years, you say? This is a very painful syndrome. On both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Marla, I went and read your posts to get a clearer picture, and I don't think your guy is in GIGS to be honest. He sounds like he is very amorous all the time, switching partners, back and forth and all over the place. I don't think he has GIGS. I think he just doesn't want to settle down and loves the attention from many diff women. And if you're there pining for him, he'll come back for more. I dont' think your situation http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/317939-emotionally-abusive fits GIGS. Plus you are married and fooling around wiht a man and your husband knows about it. I know you call it a polyamorous relationship, and therefore you are open to screwing around on each other, but you do not have a GIGS situation here. The guy you are pining for is a player, through and through. I would say forget him and do not hope for him to be back Link to post Share on other sites
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