LSgirl Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I've been 3 weeks NC from my ex and tried to get myself out there to meet new people to take my mind off of all this. On my profile, it's very brief, no full photo, and it says "just for friends". Everybody that messaged me, I would respond politely that I didn't want to meet anyone and was just curious about the site. It was the first time I've been on there and felt embarassed as I saw a co-worker and a friend on there so I tried to stay anonymous as I could. I decided to meet one guy because he was nice and didn't seem like a weirdo, and we hung out for 2 hours. He was very nice and smart but I wasn't attracted to him. He was very tiny, and I'm petite! Even his hands were tinier than mine lol he kind of looked like Frodo from lord of the rings. But in any case, he was very intelligent, a teacher, but also very square. I'm very sarcastic, and can have vulgar humor, and while he had a good sense of humor, but I just didn't see it, no attraction whatsoever on my part. He then asked me about my past relationships and I was upfront with him. I told him I just recently broken up with my ex and shouldn't have gone on the site. I reminded him that my profile said "just for friends" and he still seemed interested. The entire time I just missed my ex even more. Oh, and another thing. When I was in this coffee shop with him, my ex from a long time (the ex that actually brought me to LoveShack 5 years ago, not my recent ex) walked in. He looked awful, and we said hi, but it wasn't awkward or anything, it was a long time ago we knew each other, he got his coffee and left, how weird to see him there though. So, basically, I told him that I preferred to be upfront with him and told him that I'm not really sure what I'm doing but I'm always up to meet new people. In my history of dating, I've dated musicians, guys in punk/indie bands, rode a motorcycle, go out drinking to pubs, and this guy tonight was just so opposite. Because he's a teacher he said he only goes out some nights and spends his nights grading papers, and I just kept thinking, that's just not me lol I'm not super outgoing, but I need flexibility, and plus i wasn't even the least bit attracted to him. I don't know why this is turning out long, I guess I just need some advice to turn him down nicely. As we parted, he asked when I was free and if we could get a drink sometime. I said sure, but he seemed so interested in me, I just couldn't say no in person. Should I just say im busy everytime he asks to hang out and he'll get the point? I've already told him im not even looking for a relationship, so he knows this. He's such a sweet guy, I even told him he should try and meet more people on there (I was the first one he met too). I just missed my ex so much being there, I even know I'm not ready, but it was nice to get to know someone and know somebody else seemed interested in me.
westrock Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 As we parted, he asked when I was free and if we could get a drink sometime. I said sure, but he seemed so interested in me, I just couldn't say no in person. Should I just say im busy everytime he asks to hang out and he'll get the point? I've already told him im not even looking for a relationship, so he knows this. He's such a sweet guy, I even told him he should try and meet more people on there (I was the first one he met too). I just missed my ex so much being there, I even know I'm not ready, but it was nice to get to know someone and know somebody else seemed interested in me. It sounds like you were being upfront and honest with him during the date which is good. He probably found that attractive! But, I don't think it's fair to now just say you're busy everytime. Yes, he'll probably get the point eventually, but you're not being honest with him. Would you like to be treated that way? You already told him that you are not looking for a relationship so he knows where things are at. If you truly don't want to get together with him even for just a drink, then if he contacts you again to ask you out for that drink then just be honest with him and say to him that you don't feel ready to date and tell him again that you're not looking for a relationship. Since you were his first online date, maybe he too is trying to figure it out and isn't looking for anything serious either. He'll appreciate the honesty. Good luck. 2
CopingGal Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I think you should end your profile and get off that site. Give yourself some healing time. Heal by yourself, not with help of strange men. Heal. Develop a relationship with yourself.
AriesBunny Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 You obviously have not healed. It is great that you are putting yourself out there. I would use the dating site to find someone who would help you heal. You have to tell the teacher you are not interested. Send him an email if you want. As another poster mentioned. You could also spend time on yourself and heal.
jerbear Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 You have to be honest with the guy asking you out for a drink. Tell him you don't feel it and not looking for something serious. The no attraction is an instant friend zone. I suggest adding to your profile that you got out of a relationship and not looking for serious. It is good that you are putting yourself out there.
Author LSgirl Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 I do want to say something to him next time he texts me, but just don't know how to word it yet. I guess I'll say that I realized I'm just not ready for a relationship and don't want to lead anyone on. He's just so sweet, it will be hard to turn him down, but he'll understand. I am still healing everyday and don't even see myself in a relationship anytime soon. It was just nice to get out there and talk to others, but still be honest about my situation. I probably won't take it down altogether, but don't plan on meeting someone again for awhile. Conversation is good, but nothing beyond that.
jerbear Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I do want to say something to him next time he texts me, but just don't know how to word it yet. I guess I'll say that I realized I'm just not ready for a relationship and don't want to lead anyone on. He's just so sweet, it will be hard to turn him down, but he'll understand. I am still healing everyday and don't even see myself in a relationship anytime soon. It was just nice to get out there and talk to others, but still be honest about my situation. I probably won't take it down altogether, but don't plan on meeting someone again for awhile. Conversation is good, but nothing beyond that. You have to start somewhere. Good luck! It would be a matter of time and when you least expect it, bam!
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