Sugarkane Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Makes me feel really depressed. Guys never seem to understand this. Probably as guys don't constantly talk to each other about their weddings and every single mile stone their kids made. I don't think there's the same social stigma when you're single as a guy. Plus I have co workers always asking me why I'm not married/ pregnant yet. They even ask me when I'm going to have kids even though I'm single. You would NEVER get thsi from people if you're a guy though. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Hmm, not sure on this one as I've often had similar asked of me (not generally about kids, but definitely about settling down). Plus, one extra social stigma I get is house parties or just small gatherings. Often it's to a house with a couple and other couples, so I can be the odd man out at times (when single) and that has led to questions being asked. I know at least two friends who's wives find it odd that I am still single. So I think it can go both ways, but it's different for each sex. I will agree though that in regards having kids, the pressure is definitely more put on women as opposed to men. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) Actually, you need to turn this around... it may srtill be the social 'ideal' but it's an ideal stuck in the dark ages... there are hundreds upon thousands of women, who are single and childless, and are so happy that way - and trust me on this - THEY. HAVE. A. POINT. Marriage and parenthood are not all they're cut out to be.... And the evidence is overwhelming, on this board alone, when it comes to marriage.... secondly, i suggest you do the following; go to a supermarket, armed with a clipboard, piece of lined paper and pen, and stand at the parking bays designated specifically for parents with children. and watch. look at the hassle parents go through with the shopping expedition.... stop any harassed mother who's obviously nearing the limit of her patience (they're easy to spot... they're a mother....) and ask her: "Excuse me, I'm doing a one question survey of parents and their children - tell me, right now, would you say that your children a complete blessing to you?" And see the answers you get back....'varied' is an understatement.... when you consider how expensive children are to bring up, and that the moment you have had a child, your life will never ever be completely your own, again, it's a wonder so many people are still having families. In fact, Germany is heading for a predictable and foreseeable crisis - because as things currently stand - families today are not having children - and the next-generation German workforce - doesn't numerically, actually exist..... this is because an alarmingly high number of young German couples are dedicating their lives and incomes to their current priorities; themselves. If you really want a child, then AI is available to you. there are hundreds of women every year, who are artificially inseminated, in order to fulfil their primal instincts of having a child. but maybe your point is that you're just feeling left out, because 'everyone else is doing *this* why can't I?" Back to my original point.... many women with families and children, might actually envy you - b-i-g time..... I may get blasted by those with happy families and wonderful children - but i promise you - every parent that i personally know, has at one point or another, harked back to their young free and single days..... Edited March 19, 2012 by TaraMaiden Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Makes me feel really depressed. Guys never seem to understand this. Probably as guys don't constantly talk to each other about their weddings and every single mile stone their kids made. I don't think there's the same social stigma when you're single as a guy. Plus I have co workers always asking me why I'm not married/ pregnant yet. They even ask me when I'm going to have kids even though I'm single. You would NEVER get thsi from people if you're a guy though. Trust me, guys do understand. I'm actually considering not going to a cousins wedding because I don't have anybody to bring. It's extremely depressing that I'm always by myself for any family gathering and it's come to the point that everybody basically expects me to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Makes me feel really depressed. Guys never seem to understand this. Probably as guys don't constantly talk to each other about their weddings and every single mile stone their kids made. I don't think there's the same social stigma when you're single as a guy. Plus I have co workers always asking me why I'm not married/ pregnant yet. They even ask me when I'm going to have kids even though I'm single. You would NEVER get thsi from people if you're a guy though. When co workers ask you these questions simply replay "That is none of your business." How dare they? There is the same social stigma with men over the age of 35. Why do you care what a bunch of strangers think? Link to post Share on other sites
youngster Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I was once told at a wedding that I was "always the best man, never the groom" I'm sure there is a compliment in there somewhere, but man, did that one sting. Gender doesn't matter. Everyone feels this. I've always been the 3rd 4th 5th wheel at events and it blows. Somewhere on this board someone was feeling down because everyone they knew was getting married/having kids (which is also how I feel) and there was a response that I read saying everyone they knew was getting a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 which just proves that happiness is subjective, individual and undefinable... what's good for one, is misery for another. The secret is not to wonder why we can't have 'some of that'.... The secret is to be content with what we have... because nobody else has exactly what we have, and there are those who envy us.... as much as we envy them..... Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 i'm a 36 year old woman and it doesn't really bother me. in fact, i tell friends my biological clock (i actually think that whole concept is a myth) must be non-existent or broken. because i have no desire to have children whatsoever. i have friends who have children and i see how much time and effort it takes to be a parent. and while i respect people who are willing to do so - - i just don't want the responsibility. caring for my three pets (dog and two cats) is enough plenty! the ex who brought me here to LS recently contacted me to inform me that his current gf is pregnant with his child. and while the news threw me for a bit of a loop. once i calmed down i had to admit: i was relieved it wasn't me who was pregnant. i can honestly say i don't get too many questions/comments about my single status. which is fine with me. but i think that's because most of my family and friends think i'm a lesbian since i've been single so long. but that's still not an incentive for me to get married and have kids. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I want to get married. I really do. But my parents had a TERRIBLE marriage, so believe me, I can wait. You don't need a man to have a baby. You don't even need your egg to have a baby. There are plenty of kids out there that need good homes. If you ever find yourself wanting to be a mom, you can consider a lot of options, including being a foster mom, or adoption. Yes, I wish I was married. But I want to marry the right person. I do not want to be saddled with a nauseating bombaclot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Plus I have co workers always asking me why I'm not married/ pregnant yet. They even ask me when I'm going to have kids even though I'm single. Ask them to introduce you to someone wonderful that would be great to marry and have kids with. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts