another story

[simisaed]

How lovely to find your site! I am happy that I am not the only one who has problems with my "past" lfe. I know my story is going to be long, but pls read it as you are the first one I am asking... As well I am sorry if my english is not very correct as I am not a native english speaker. I used to be with my ex 2 years and half, we wanted to get married and were plannig to have a child, even I stopped using my contraception, I was so happy... We broke up, it was my decision, I got very upset for his behaviour, and did the most stupid thing - got another boyfriend just in 15 days just to get out of my sadness. Stupid. I am with my current boyfriend 2 years now, first it was just like a friendship, but I learnt how to love him. Still I feel more like his friend/sister as I dont feel much attracted to him...we amke love once in 6-7 weeks...well its like this...thought i do love him i am not in love with him. when we broke up with my ex, he kept calling me every single day (he lives in UK, i live in Czechia) i did not answer me as my friends told me to forget about him - how stupid to listen to friends...he kept calling me 3 months until i anwered, he was so happy. He was triyng to make me jealous so he was telling about his friend Sarah (girlfriend No. 1 after me), i was thinking tah i tried to break up with my current bf but he did not let me, so stayed with him...then it was gf No. 2 - portugese girl, she did not like me to txt him so she wrote nasty massages from his mobile, he found out, as he said they had fight and she left. Just to say our massages and calling were innocent, something like how are you-i am ok just got toothache, or hard time at work etc etc. I ddecided to tell him that i wanted to see him again, but there was no time so after long waitng he got upset and told me not to. Well there was gf No. 3, english Christine, he wanted to make me jealous so he kept telling me how he is happy, but still ringing me... well when he was happy why he kept conntacting me? i was dying, again and againg, thats why i got new phone number but kept my old sim card (well you never know!) he even kept calling me on x-mas, i did not answer, i didnt want to hurt in such specail time, nad new years eve when he said that THEY wish me happy new year. Gf No. 3 - as he said - got pregnant and they planned to marry - at least he told me so. I asked our mutual friends and they said they didnt know about anything. Gf No. 3 left him, he wanted to go to Iraq as a soldier, he got to british army and kept telling me that he doesnt care about his life, i cried many nights, then he "changed" his mind and told me that he is afraid and he cant get out of army - i died again....when you die againg and againg - its like you have hangover, but inside, everything empty... he got "somehow" out of BA (our mutual friend didnt know anything about BA) he got gf No. 4, current gf, named Angela, brasilian gf, they are 10 months together, I was accepting his relationship, so i called sometims (he cant call me, just txt me - he does that very often, even thought he tried as my old sim card is in my wallet so its usually "out of order"), well I got this message they want to move to brasil next year, then that he has new phonenumber (home phone) that i call him there, he sent that number 3 times and said i should call him. i tried to call his secong old mobile number last sunday, but angela answer that, i hanged up, and txt her for ex that he should send me the number again that it was incomplete (it was complete, but i wanted ex to know that i called, stupid idea) then i saw that i had 10 unanswered phone calls next day, angela wrote as my ex from his mobile (first i didnt want to call his home phone as i didnt want to make any troubles for his relationship), she told me that i cant speak to him, he knows that i calle and doesnt want to speak to me, and told me that i ma a bitch. Nobody told me this in my life! i swear out calls were innocent, for example we were speaking about carpets as they had flood in the flat, about his new job, about my job... why she got so angry? i didnt do anything to her, anyway ai did send that txt to her from naother mobile, and when i call i withold my number, so how the hell she knew my number???? i am dying again, its really hurting, i dont believe he knows i called... and i believe when i call his home nuber she doesnt let me to speak to him, i am really hurting, as i do love him very much, still after so long time, i do accept his relationship - i have survived so many girlfrieds of his...but i want to be in touch with him, i dont know what to do, and i ma very very depressed, i dont know how to get better, as i am in bad mood i am bad to my current bf...i am thinking about breaking up, but he is ok, so i dont want to let him go... or i do, i dont know, i am dying again... please help...

[moimeme]

You have to let him go. You will be happier if you do. Quit remembering all the good things about him and remember the bad ones. In time, you'll quit thinking about him completely.