Linlin Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 I need to vent about the last couple of days. The OW just won't go away and my H makes it more difficult. On Sunday he asked me if I would be interested in going to counselling with him. I told him I would not until he cuts all contact with the OW. She continually makes up excuses why she need to talk to him and he is a sucker and lets her. He claims he is not sure what he wants at this point. On Monday her H was rude to my mother in law (our kids go to the same school so avoidance is hard) and told her that her son had wrecked everyone's lives. This lead to my father in law calling her H and my H calling her H to tell him to leave our families alone. I was angry that he said something to her and in front of our kids as well. Fortunately they are young and didn't pick up on it. Of course on Tuesday morning the OW called my H to talk about what her H said. And my H obliged. On Wednesday I saw her H and told him that I wanted to talk to him. I basically haven't talked to him since they were found out 10 weeks ago. He is trying to blame my husband in all of this and say he is a bad dad. I corrected him and told he about all the other guys his wife has been with and having sex with my H when her kids were home and a few other things that she is still lying about to her H. Her H wants to work things out with her desperately. I have not decided what I want. Right now I want to sell the house and separate for a bit and then try counselling to see if we want to try to rebuild things. Of course, she contacts my H and has to have coffee with him to discuss what I said. She twists a whole bunch of things to suit her needs. She actually told my H that if they don't end up together that she wants to make sure that He and I don't end up together. Her H then called me and basically asked me to stop bad mouthing his wife because it is embarrassing im as well. My family and friends are telling me that I am being too nice and tolerant of everyone. I should be telling the OW and her H to go pound salt. And my H as well. So what does everyone think??? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 I think you need to make a decision on whether you want to try and save your marriage or not. The fact that your husband asked you guys to go to marriage counseling and you refused under certain stipulations is not going to help your situation. I think you should go to counseling, no string attached, IF you're truly interested in trying to save your marriage. You never posted your reaction when you found out your husband was cheating. Does it upset you? How does it make you feel? How is your marriage otherwise? Do you talk and communicate with your husband? Does he fill your emotional needs? Do you have a healthy sex life? Obviously something has to be broken in your marriage if your husband cheated on you. It's your turn to decide whether you want to fix it or cut your losses and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Tell your H to go pound salt!!! For goodness sakes! It's not bad enough that he had an affair but to have it with the town slut!?! Holy Moley.....I would be freakin' he would have to sleep with one eye open!!! I going to be completely harsh here bacuse I think you have heard your share of lies and whatnot..........the reason your H keeps talking to this woman is because HE WANTS TO. Do not let him fool you by saying that he doesn't want to hurt her - that is TOTAL Bull! I was fed the same line and I share your experience right down to the chick being the town slut. Beleive me.....dump the bum! Happy bein' single! Bubbles P.S. I have learned that being apart from him is much easier than being with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cariel Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Linlin, you really need to fully remove those rose-coloured glasses and see the writing on the wall for what it is. Your husband is hoping the whole thing will eventually blow over and allow him to continue his affair. If it takes too long, his current OW may be gone, but he can always find a new one. His suggestion of counseling was likely a carefully calculated measure to make you believe he really wants to end the affair and rebuild your marriage. Don't believe a word of it. If he was serious, he would have already cut off contact with the OW and taken steps to ensure she would no longer trouble you, him, or any of your family members. He doesn't want to hurt her? What about hurting YOU? Throw the bum out, hold your head up and get on with your life. My 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Cariel is 150% right. Your husband is a weenie. If you know he's still talking to the OW and still having coffee with her, you're only enabling this affair and essentially giving it your stamp of approval. If you want to save your marriage you must demand that he stop ALL contact with this OW woman. Period. No phone calls, no coffee, no nothing. If he's not willing to do that, kick his ass to the curb and get a lawyer. Personally, I think you should talk to a lawyer right now just to see where you stand. Whatever you do, do not.......I repeat, so not leave the house. Stay right where you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Maria46 Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Your H suggests going to counseling and then still has coffee and talks to the OW?? Give me a break. He is just hanging on to his affair. Ask him to move. If and when he decides to show you the respect you are due by discontinuing his relationship with OW, then maybe go to couseling with him. I would suggest counseling for yourself at this time. Could help you sort out your feelings. Best of Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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