wrwrwr Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 This is my story.. My ex girlfriend and i dated for 3 and 1/2 years and lived together for the last 2 yrs. A few weeks ago she decided to break it off with me because she says she got bored of our routine relationship, lost feelings and just wanted a change in life. Now i know everyone recommends going no contact but i really want to win my ex back, i want to tell myself even if i do fail that atleast i have done everything possible to get her back.. It's going to be her birthday soon and that will mean we broke up for 1 month when it hits her bday, now i had a surprise planned for her bday even before we broke up.. do you girls/guys think i should go ahead with it? maybe it will bring up some spark again? Has anyone had similar stories with routine relationships and losing feelings that can relate? and what approach you took to win your ex back? She's 20 and i'm 23 btw. thanks for any advice! Link to post Share on other sites
NoneoftheAbove Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 You don't wanna win back a person like that brother. Shes long gone, Im sorry but you have to let it go. Don't try to win her because you can't make someone love you. It has to come from inside. Just let it go, i know its gonna be hard. Thats why we are here. Pour your heart here, do not contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Don't do whatever you were planning, it won't work. This is a conclusion that has to come within her and you will have no positive effect on it, but only negative by prolonging her exposure to you. NC and heal, IF she comes back then sweet and if not then you have already moved on. Speaking from experience where my ex fiancée choice was based on something similar as lost attraction. Didn't get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 It's going to be her birthday soon and that will mean we broke up for 1 month when it hits her bday, now i had a surprise planned for her bday even before we broke up.. do you girls/guys think i should go ahead with it? maybe it will bring up some spark again? Nope. Leave it alone - it will just look like a pathetic attempt to get her back with "things"... whatever it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stimson554 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Just move on, she won't appreciate tt, it's just going to be wasted time and energy you could be putting into healing over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I agree with the others. It will only push her away. I hate to mention it again, but from the book "The Art of Seduction" it says "Wounding people binds them to you more deeply than kindness". If you look at all the posts in the coping board, a lot are women pining over guys that treated them badly. Then there are the other posts from guys who were dumped because they were nice. Nice is boring. Doing something for her birthday will make you look weak and desperate to win her back. If you do nothing, it looks like you are moving on. This will either make her respect you or bug her. Let her miss you. Let her see what life without you is like. Don't worry or feel guilty that you aren't doing anything. She broke it off so shouldn't expect anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wrwrwr Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 thanks for the advice everyone, i guess i won't go ahead with this birthday plan as i don't want it to seem like i'm weak and not able to live without her. i've been reading alot and it seems like she falls under the category of grass is greener syndrome because she didn't really have an exact reason for our break up, she seems confused and i think she simply wants to see what's out there, meet new people etc I just feel so empty everyday, no matter if i go out everyday and see my friends etc when i get home reality always sinks in. Every morning i wake up to the realization that she's gone and i can never fall back asleep no matter how early it is in the morning. Another question, she wants to stay friends and she even messages me time to time (nothing to do with our relationship) just asking me whether i've been at uni, telling me gossip etc. While this time im applying NC i feel rude not to reply to her and don't want her to get the impression that i don't want to talk to her, so what i did was reply and kept it very short. Should i not reply at all? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 You are exactly right, she has GIGS. Link to post Share on other sites
stimson554 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Don't talk to her and don't stay friends with her, she just wants to dump her guilt into this "friendship", tell her you aren't interested and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I agree with stimson but your Ex isn't evil and she didn't do anything wrong. So if I were you, I would simply let her know what you are going to do (It's best we not talk) and why (we aren't dating)... then follow your own advice. It's just and age / timing thing and there was nothing you could have done to keep her / prevent the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wrwrwr Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 i know she didn't do anything wrong, she was always faithful to me and always put me before anyone and anything else so it's just such a big hit on me that this has happened. I know it was hard enough for her when she broke it off because she cried so much that i couldnt stand it anymore, i had to put on a brave face for her while inside i was crumbling to pieces. I know once she moves on i'm going to find it very hard, do people with gigs one day realise what they gave up? I'm not wanting to give myself a sense of hope to hold on but i would like to be with this girl after in the not too distant future.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wrwrwr Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 anyone know the answer? i know it really depends but.. dont be scared to say what you think everyone. maybe i shouldnt even be answering such a nonsense question.. might wanna add i accidently bumped into her just now... (no i didn't go look for her to bump into her on purpose) she seemed very happy to see me even tho she was with her friends, and walked over to me to say bye when she was leaving.. maybe shes just being friendly Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 read the Caliguy no Contact guide in my signature. Any questions - come back to us..... Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 GIGs or not, the dumper could always come back but you must go from here on out as if they will never come back. Refer back to what gibson and stimson said and do exactly what gibson said, simply let her know what you are going to do (It's best we not talk) and why (we aren't dating)... then follow your own advice. Welcome to the NC road, it is long and hard. You will experience anger, depression, reasoning, denial and acceptance, (Did I get all the steps of the grief process?) but the outcome will always be in your favor so stick to it Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 This is my story.. My ex girlfriend and i dated for 3 and 1/2 years and lived together for the last 2 yrs. A few weeks ago she decided to break it off with me because she says she got bored of our routine relationship, lost feelings and just wanted a change in life. Now i know everyone recommends going no contact but i really want to win my ex back, i want to tell myself even if i do fail that atleast i have done everything possible to get her back.. It's going to be her birthday soon and that will mean we broke up for 1 month when it hits her bday, now i had a surprise planned for her bday even before we broke up.. do you girls/guys think i should go ahead with it? maybe it will bring up some spark again Has anyone had similar stories with routine relationships and losing feelings that can relate? and what approach you took to win your ex back? She's 20 and i'm 23 btw. thanks for any advice! I agree with everyone else...Don't do it!! It will in NO WAY "win her back" You have 2 choices on trying to win her back. 1-- Have the party...cry..beg...plead with her to come back..call..text her everyday and pour your heart out. Doing that will only push her further away and you will look weak and pathetic...Huge turn off!! 2.. Don't contact her at all!! Forget the party....Disappear...ignore and avoid her. Doing that will help you heal and move on...it may make her wonder about you...maybe miss you..what your up to...if you seeing someone else...why you haven't contacted her. It's not a guarentee that she will come running back but it sure beats option 1. The choice is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Kaotic Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I know exactly what you are thinking about :-/ I had planned on getting the new iPad for my boyfriend's birthday but I guess that plan is no more :-( Its really hard to know that you planned things, especially together, and then they left you :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Phanpooh Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 First month NC: you still want her back and will try everything to do it Second month NC: you want her back if she crawl back After 3 month NC: you will wonder why you want her back? If she don't want you, why you had to ? If she wasnt happy with you, so why you want to be a slaver and try to please her? If you couldn't live without her, why she still alive thought 3 month ? 6 months NC: you won't want her back anymore, because you don't know how to deal if she really back to you, you could respect her but r you sure she could do it for herself? You could believe her AGIAN but could her? That wasn't you anymore, that she! 12 months NC: if you still remember your first time with her, that should be more easily to meet a "somebody you used to know" 2 years NC: I hope you still accept who you r and who she is 5 years with cold NC: who is she? If she ve gone down in 5y, you r lucky! If she r better, you will be pround cuz you had sex with that stranger... If it was "love" between you guys, you dun hav to try anymore, time will fix anything! Pain will help you be stronger! And you r YOU You can't find true love if it wasn't at begin, and nobody could hire it if it was... Link to post Share on other sites
jamie1987 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 This is my story.. My ex girlfriend and i dated for 3 and 1/2 years and lived together for the last 2 yrs. A few weeks ago she decided to break it off with me because she says she got bored of our routine relationship, lost feelings and just wanted a change in life. Now i know everyone recommends going no contact but i really want to win my ex back, i want to tell myself even if i do fail that atleast i have done everything possible to get her back.. It's going to be her birthday soon and that will mean we broke up for 1 month when it hits her bday, now i had a surprise planned for her bday even before we broke up.. do you girls/guys think i should go ahead with it? maybe it will bring up some spark again? Has anyone had similar stories with routine relationships and losing feelings that can relate? and what approach you took to win your ex back? She's 20 and i'm 23 btw. thanks for any advice! Im going throught this right now my ex does not love me any more and has lost feelings coz i was a jerk but i will not give up so easy its hard but ill try and get her back as we have a daughter together Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Hey Koatic! If you REALLY want to gift someone an iPad! To the OP. Unfortunately sometimes relationships run there course. Sometimes it wasn't meant to be and at least she had the decency to end it rather than string you along and cheat on you. Go NC heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 You are exactly right, she has GIGS. I see you're still keeping people from healing by bagdering and repeating the false term "gigs". Sigh. Some people never learn.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 You are exactly right, she has GIGS. WTF.... Can't you spell anything else...?! Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Tara you have nice avatar, being doing some research into it in the past couple of years. Deep stuff, very deep. sorry for the offtopic but the board is poorly made so you cant send PM's. Link to post Share on other sites
Nextlane Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Go NC as other posters have stated. GIGS is a possibility as she is young. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Tara you have nice avatar, being doing some research into it in the past couple of years. Deep stuff, very deep. Call it my effort to re-educate people. it was a Buddhist symbol long before the bad guys got it..... sorry for the offtopic but the board is poorly made so you cant send PM's. actually, this is one of its better ideas...... Link to post Share on other sites
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