don't like life anymore

[sweetbarbie]

I have been living the past decade working hard to achieve my goals. I feel like I have had to be strong, endure obstacles and come out victorious. On the journey I was in control, lived my life the way I wanted, even when my bank account was dwindling.

 

Now I have reached a stage where I have finished all the hard work. However this past year I have moved countries, and lost my control. I don't drive because I cannot afford a car, but there is nowhere I would want to go with it anyway, whereas in my homeland I was always whizzing in and out, going to watch sunsets, going to cafes by the beach etc any time I wanted.

 

Where I am now, I can go out but you cannot venture out early evenings alone and feel safe, whether I had a car or not. My friends here don't seem to like doing what I like to do and I find myself doing many things I don't enjoy, always under their control on when, where, what to do when to leave.

 

If I say no, then I am stuck alone at home, or go out at restricted times alone, and the travelling costs a lot, plus I will get harassed or followed by creepy men.

 

Also people know I am stuck at home so I have no excuse to give when they invite themselves round. I feel used and drained. I feel people come to me for what I have not for me and my company. Just because I am a good listener, give advice, have a calming effect on them, give them food, do their hair, have internet and angel cards. They ask ask ask. If I ask no one has trouble saying no. When I talk they hardly listen, either they look somewhere else because its not about them or they interupt or go and do something else.

 

When I do say no to their demands they get huffy or think I am being weird and fussy or mean. I feel like i am not allowed to have or show any negative emotion or feelings, or say no but that everybody else is allowed these priveledges.

 

I have 3 quality people who don't do that to me. One is married and I hardly see her, one gets distant and ignores me for months, one luckily is near me often.

 

The best time I had was when I had a boyfriend last year. We did things we both liked together. It was great. Except he changed all of a sudden and left me. I had a rough half year getting over him, dealing with some obstacles while I was achieving my goals, some health scares and being pulled and controlled by other people because its either their way or nothing.

 

I try to take control and do things I like but its lonley on actual social occasions when I want to share experiences with people and enjoy their company.

 

There seems no hope in meeting men either. I am in my thirties and don' seem to meet anyone my age, only younger. I am very attractive but only get approached on occasion by men that repulse me or little boys.

 

If I go back to my country I will be surrounded by a culture where I am too old to find someone, and people will look at me with pity because I am single, and my friends from college have gone their seperate ways so I will have no social circle at all.

 

I will start looking for a job in my chosen field in a few weeks and even that is scary because its new.

 

I am tired, fed up and I am beginning to lose hope of ever finding someone, scared of starting a new job and not being good enough, scared that I might end up stuck here doing things I doing things I do want alone, scared i might end up going back to my homeland only to face more lonliness, emptiness and even embarassment at being single, and I am still not quite sure about some health issues that need clearing up.

 

I feel overwhelmed but peoples demands and expectations and from my loss of control. I used to be proud, fiery, independent, determined and impulsive. Now I am sad, empty, lonley and drained.

 

Don't know what anyone will say to this but I had to tell someone. I have no idea what to do.

[TempSain]

Do you feel better now that you got that off your chest?

 

What country are you in and where is your homeland?

Did you ever think about going to another country or city?

Sounds like you live in an unsafe place with lots of restrictions.

 

There are so many different options for you.

You should not get bogged down in the bad/negative things.

Sometimes changing your environment makes a hugh difference in your outlook on life.

 

Best of luck.

[dudesomewhere]

"I feel overwhelmed but peoples demands and expectations and from my loss of control. I used to be proud, fiery, independent, determined and impulsive. Now I am sad, empty, lonley and drained."

 

You hang around or let the wrong people hang around you. You saying all these things in thought alone is proof that you are proud, fiery...from what you've accomplished makes you determined...and you do things alone even if you don't want to which means you are independent. The impulsive thing I'm not too sure on, that's subjective . You may be sad, but that' now. Empty? I don't see why. People around you drain you...that's something you have to change. And lonely? Time will fix that.

 

Just remember, the beautiful people, inside AND out are rare in the world and the ugly far outnumber them.

 

Maybe, just maybe your weigh-me-down is your health anxiety...maybe that has a ripple effect to everything else. If you resolve that things might brighten up for you 10 fold

 

smile laugh ....know that you think these things because you are strong...and know that you give in because maybe youre heart is too generous...and that can oftentimes hurt us but still makes us wonderful people, albeit a bit foolish

[sweetbarbie]

I did feel better when i got it of my chest

 

And thanx dude, everything you said made me feel better.

 

I have decided to set more boundaries. Now I know how peple trick, trap and weedle their way into taking up my time and energy I will change tactics ( I've already figured them and and am catering to handle and suit each individual person!!)

 

I'll also feel better when i get the all clear on health and/or know where I stand.

 

I'll deal with getting a job and being good at it when it happens and after some work experience I'll decide whether I want to go back home...maybe i am in the wrong environment and should change it...

 

The guy I will have to leave up to fate to decide whether it wants to drop one into my path...

 

 

Thanx for your help guys

[charleskg]

It has been about 20 years now since I have seen any point to living. Life for me is just one tedious day after the next. I don't know if that helps you feel any better but remember that there is always someone worse off than you. Of course, I tell myself that and it doesn't do me any good but I hear people say it all the time so...

[moimeme]

Charleskg - it sounds like you could be depressed. You don't have to live that way. There are great therapies for depression.

[CurlyIam]

I am not French, I came to Paris 10 months ago. After the initial shock, I really liked it. It was so different from my country, so full of flavour, and it was mine! I refused to go back home two times, only to be discovering the province of France, only to be travelling. Well, after 7 months, my not going back home starting to take its toll on me.

 

I am telling you this: when the second periond of exams came, I was missing my home like crazy. I had had enough of friends, visits to the museum, even enough of my bf. I didn't want to go out, was incapable of concentrating, what can I say, I was homesick all the way!!!!

 

For a while I thought it was my bf who didn't understood me, then I thought it was the stress... It was bit of a depression, I guess. I find myself totally in your description: wouldn't go out (I could), would stop practicing sports, would stay only indoors, would isolate myself completely from the others, would stop talking to my flatmates, would cry daily out of the stupidest things...

 

There is no shame in going home to be a bit pampered by family and friends. There is no shame in finding the strength to fight again by searching for your roots. Being on a foreign land, in a foreign culture, even if you truly love it, can do that to you!

 

 

 

So I'll give you one piece of advice: try to visit your family, your home. It will change everything, I gurantee you. A wise person knows how to pick his battles. So what if friends will say "what a pitty, she's single"? You have had the courage to remain single not to marry a man you didn't love. I can't believe you are scared of this. Not everybody is as lucky to meet their half at the right moment. Some never do.

 

You have a duty to yourself to be happy. Think hard is you are happy in your foreign country or home. And make that trip, it will bring your energy back, I gurantee you!

[meanon]

I think what may have happened was that when you were younger you were very goal driven and had the natural confidence of being successful, young and attractive. Then you had a spell when things did not go so smoothly. A failed relationship, finding the lack of resources more of a struggle as you got older, a health scare, difficulty adapting to a new culture. No wonder you feel low.

If I go back to my country I will be surrounded by a culture where I am too old to find someone, and people will look at me with pity because I am single, and my friends from college have gone their separate ways so I will have no social circle at all.

This sounds very much like you want to go home but are afraid of failure. Being very focussed on specific goals has worked for you in the past but maybe now you need to allow yourself some time to re-define your priorities in life. Why not take some time out to reflect and re-charge? Start the new job but plan a trip back home soon to do just that.

 

I feel used and drained. I feel people come to me for what I have not for me and my company. Just because I am a good listener, give advice, have a calming effect on them, give them food, do their hair, have internet and angel cards. They ask ask ask.

If you are a caring people you will tend to attract those that need help. Don't respond when you have little left to give. It's not that the friendships are not genuine, just that they are based on you meeting their needs. As such, they will be oblivious to the effect on you. You may be able change that. If not then do recognise the limitations of such friendships and treat them with caution.

 

You mention the importance of control many times. You were happy when your plans were realised and you achieved what you set out to do. Now, in this time of adversity, you have the opportunity to learn to control your emotional life. You are the same person you were before with the same attractive personality and impulsiveness. Make sure you take the positive from your life lessons and do not allow the negative to affect your view of your self worth. You have identified some fairly specific problems that are making you unhappy. You have the resources to do something about them. All that is lacking is belief in yourself. This new job is a great opportunity. Seek friendships with those who make you feel positive about life and about yourself. As for a boyfriend, that will happen too but it's more likely to come when you are out there engaging in life and having fun.

[AsianIdol]

NO worries I have ANSWERS! AND kudos to people with good tips and positive advice there are some serious Angels and cool positive people on this Website!

 

Ok yes we all go through really great times when everything is flowing, money, love, relationship, health, job, romance, parties everything is going our way, we are young successful! THEN WHAM it could all dissapear or change then we feel screwed, lonely, depressed and older and being single does suck especially if you were in a relationship then break up! Take heart I am going through ALL OF THE ABOVE! I know this is where it gets weird, things GOT SO BAD that I had to get a VEDIC ASTROLOGY CHART and then EVERYTHING was explained and spelled out for me! Try to get a personal Vedic Chart it explains so much about your life and what you are going through now! You must find a good one and know your exact time of birth, date and place/city as this will make the reading most accurate.

 

What I found out in my chart is that I am supposed to meet a girl fall in love for 4 years, almost get married but then have to break up and be broken hearted and poor then meet a rich wealthy girl get married have a son and be happy forever! Right now I am just going through the break up with my fantasy blonde fiance and being at the bottom, lonely, single, depressed stage(sound familiar?), but thanks to my personal reading feel like my real soul mate is coming soon!

 

We will all have different charts and karmas but what I have also learned from Vedic Astrology is that we all have certain karmas, or certain results or reap what you sow type of action in our lives, also that life will be up and down no matter what, it can't always be up or always be down, sometimes it may seem down for a long time or a lot of pain and suffering but evetually and at some point it should bounce back up to!

 

Life is in stages some will be great and fun then some will be down and sad it is part of life, also try to find good Western Astrology Websites, don't look in the newspapers those suck, but there are also sometimes very real Astrological Periods and planets working against you, being in the wrong position and sometimes bad times can last up to ONE FULL YEAR! There is this period called RAHU KETU and also Mercury Retrograde, not many people know about these 2 very real and very negative periods that affect our lives, enter them into Google.com and learn all you can! For this year Virgo, Scorpio and some Libras are going through their RAHU KETU PERIOD and it is known in Vedic Astrology as the WORST YEAR IN ONE's life where you lose everything, job, money, security, friends, and are forced into a situation of being alone, lonely, isolated, people for the first time will avoid you for no reason at all, all of this because of some planets and bad Astrological time! But the good news is this September 25th Jupiter enters Libra and a positive position and all the bad reverses and all the goodness re enters our life again, so Virgos, Scorpios and Libras that have been suffering badly all year all of a sudden get good money, friends, lovers, parties, jobs again! I am totally serious and it is real even if you do not believe this it is happening already do your research! Also Mercury Retrograde starts again August 9th to Sept 3 and bad stuff happens to EVERYONE during those times, I used to NOT believe any of this but have been through so much that I KNOW IT IS REAL! THE MOST SKEPTICS can see after they research this that it is real and true! I wish someone told me about it sooner, I bet most people NEVER heard of RAHU KETU or MERCURY RETROGRADE but after you enter it into Google.com and research it I GURANTEE YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE and you will understand the very real forces at work in our lives! To explain the Moon affects the tide and women's periods, well so do ALL THE PLANETS in our solar system, they have very strong gravitational pulls and energy and our very own bodies are made of the SAME EXACT minerals, salt, water, magnetics as the planets so we all have a very real effect on each other is how I can best explain it! LOOK INTO IT! IT CAN ONLY HELP YOU IT DID FOR ME!

[sweetbarbie]

I came accross my post by accident and felt i should give everyone who gave me advice an update

 

I set my boundaries and simply said no, and still do, to people who try and take too much of my time and take advantage of my kindness. I rarely do anything I don't want to do

 

I do not feel trapped or controlled now.

 

I have taken more time for myself doing things I want to do either alone or take initiative and ask someone who likes to do that particular activity to come along.

 

I feel more in control now and freer.

 

I am planning to visit my homeland sometime this year. It's their problem if they think I have failed in anyway not mine. I am happy and proud of myself.

 

I have been on many dates after joining various date sites and have met many handsome men my own age. I felt more carefree about it all. I think its all in the attitude.

 

I have recently met a guy I like very much...its early days yet but still exciting!

 

Health issues are pending...hey, can't have it all!

 

I am a mellower version of my old self but now I am happy, positive and appreciate. I take charge and don't let people boss me about, use me or manipulate me. I have a more positive and carefree outlook. I make time for myself and plan things I like to do and say no to things I don't want.

 

Now when I look at the future I see it as mysetrious yet exciting, full of suprises that I can't begin to imagine. Not bleak, lifeless and empty like before.

 

Thanx for all your advice.

[mronederful]

i hope things go in the direction you want barbie, and although it probably doesn't mean much, but i have a friend named "chuck" recently he found the girl of his dreams, and if chuck can do it, honey, ANYONE can! this is a guy at the bottom of the loser heap, i seriously think the only reason i am his friend sometimes is just so i don't have to deal with the guilt if he roached himself. i had a friend once that always talked of life being too hard for her, i didn't take her seriously enough and i never will be able to apologize for not listening to her. things in life can get overwhelming, it is very easy to lose focus or control and become a victim of depression. anyone who reads this take this last part seriously. i am a good listener and i've had some real trials in my life, and i personally know it does get better. it helps to have good friends, ones that will not judge you or make your problems sound less than they are to you. anyone that reads this can email me or pm me just to unload. i'm not very good at much but i can damn sure listen to someone who needs to pour it out

[G00d]

Originally posted by sweetbarbie

I came accross my post by accident and felt i should give everyone who gave me advice an update

 

I set my boundaries and simply said no, and still do, to people who try and take too much of my time and take advantage of my kindness. I rarely do anything I don't want to do

 

I do not feel trapped or controlled now.

 

I have taken more time for myself doing things I want to do either alone or take initiative and ask someone who likes to do that particular activity to come along.

 

I feel more in control now and freer.

 

I am planning to visit my homeland sometime this year. It's their problem if they think I have failed in anyway not mine. I am happy and proud of myself.

 

I have been on many dates after joining various date sites and have met many handsome men my own age. I felt more carefree about it all. I think its all in the attitude.

 

I have recently met a guy I like very much...its early days yet but still exciting!

 

Health issues are pending...hey, can't have it all!

 

I am a mellower version of my old self but now I am happy, positive and appreciate. I take charge and don't let people boss me about, use me or manipulate me. I have a more positive and carefree outlook. I make time for myself and plan things I like to do and say no to things I don't want.

 

Now when I look at the future I see it as mysetrious yet exciting, full of suprises that I can't begin to imagine. Not bleak, lifeless and empty like before.

 

Thanx for all your advice.

 

Good to see you came through...