jessicad91 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 ok, so I'm 21 and I'm catholic and my boyfriend of two years in 22 and he is a very strong nondenominational christian. (which is basically a form of protestant, I believe) but we are both finishing college in a couple years and have been talking a lot about getting married. I love him more than anything, but our different religions have seemed to be a pretty big issue. We've both been to each others' churches and tried to get a taste of what we both believe, but we have yet to come to any kind of compromise. We just keep thinking about where we'll get married, what we'll raise our kids, etc. Now I've been catholic my entire life, but I've gotten to the point where I'll skip church a lot if I can. I've just never felt a huge connection with the catholic church, but it's just all I know. He absolutely loves his church, and can't imagine going anywhere different. (and I've been to his church a handful of times and have actually liked it each time) At first I told him that we have to get married in my church and everything, but then I realized that I might be acting a little selfish. I know typically you get married in the bride's church, but obviously religion is a much more important thing to him. I'm thinking that as long as my children are raised christian, than I would be happy, but i don't know... soo.. then it comes to my parents/family. catholics. (well my dad's side are baptists) but my mom told me once when I was trying to talk to her that if she's paying for the wedding, I'm getting married in the catholic church. on the other hand, she once told me that she just wants me to be happy, which kind of contradicts itself. I don't know. I'm just extremely confused, and honestly a little worried that if I did stop going to the catholic church, I would end up regretting it in the end. Does anyone here have any experience with a situation like this, or have any advice? and just so you know, breaking up is NOT an option. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I would advise you not rush into marriage at these ages. Grow up a bit, and be prepared to pay for your own wedding, so that you can have the wedding you and your partner wish to have. I would also recommend that you spend a lot more time learning about your bf's church and religious beliefs. My mother is a non-denominational Christian, and IME these people can take their beliefs extremely seriously. In my mother's case, her religious beliefs inform virtually every other aspect of her life. It makes it difficult to reason with her if you do not share her religious beliefs (as I do not). Right now you feel like you can not live without him. How exciting But before making marriage plans, make sure you can live with him! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
setsenia Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I wouldn't give it too much thought until you graduate college and really know for sure this is what you want. Don't worry too much about this now and focus on your studies. However, it sounds like you aren't a devout Catholic, so if you do decide to get married someday, if religion is very important to your boyfriend, get married in his church. It wouldn't make sense to insist on marriage in your church unless you feel strongly about your religion. Maybe your mom will compromise with you and help you anyways. It's not like you are getting married to an atheist or outside of church. Both my husband and I aren't very religious, so we had a non-denominational wedding in a chapel. You and your bf can decide to meet half-way and have a wedding that reflects both your beliefs, anything is possible. Don't sweat it now, you have plenty of time! Link to post Share on other sites
callmegee Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Hi Jessica, I'm non-denominational too. I'll add a copy of my statement of faith in here and I'd suggest you check these verses for yourself. Maybe even ask your BF to go over these with you, see if there's anything you'd disagree... he could have more to share with you about what he believes. It's great the way you two have considered and discussed so much, and how your relationship can be deepened and strengthened with open sharing. Work through the conflicts (if any). God bless! :) A SAMPLE BASIC PROTESTANT/NON-DENOMINATIONAL STATEMENT OF FAITH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ..in the one true God who exists in three Persons - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. (Matt 28:19) ..in the full humanity and deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, in His virgin birth, in His sinless life, in His substitutionary atonement, in His bodily resurrection, in His ascension to the right hand of the Father, and His personal return in power and glory. (John 1:14-18; 2 Cor 5:21) ..in the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, who among His various ministries regenerates sanctifies, guides and empowers through His gifts to all believers. (1 Cor 12:4-11; Gal 5:16-23; Tit 3:5) ..that the Bible is the inspired, infallible Word of God and that it is our guide for faith and practice. (2 Tim 3:16-17) .. that all men and women are sinners and can only be justified by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. (Eph 2:1-10) ..in the spiritual unity of believers in our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Cor 12:12-13) ..in the resurrection of all men and women to a final judgment, eternal blessing for the righteous, and eternal punishment for the wicked. (Matt 25:31-46) :bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 It sounds like you are a casual attender of church and don't necessarily believe that missing your weekly plus obligation is a mortal sin. Assuming your mother believes that dont expect her to be really on your team unless somehow you get your bishops permission to marry in his church. Most men don't care where the wedding is, his objection may be more in the line of avoiding mandatory marriage classes where the two of you will be taught that birth control except rythmn methods are mortal sin. Nondenomination only means there is no overall origanization looking over the shoulder of the local pastor and the board representing the congregation. There is no bishop to reign him in as there is in your case if a kindly priest gives you permission to marry outside of the Catholic Church walls when he doesn't have the authority. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Plenty of people leave their childhood church for one that suits them more as an adult. Most people go to church out of habit or to look good for the neighbors, which isn't really being spiritual in my opinion. Do what your heart and soul tell you to do. Don't let your mother use paying for your wedding as a bargaining chip. You shouldn't even be thinking about marriage for a few more years. Why limit yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Orianne Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I would do some research before making a decision. The Catholic church seems to have made it exceedingly difficult to get married in the church. They've been requiring couples to attend classes on the sacrament of marriage that are time consuming and expensive. Also, they do not like to marry couples if both aren't Catholic. My family has been Catholic for generations, and it's been twenty years since I've attended a Catholic wedding... Link to post Share on other sites
TakeMeasIam Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I am Roman Catholic. Two of my husbands were non-catholic. One was even a divorced man. the second marriage, so was I. I had no problems at all marrying them in a Catholic church. All they had to promise was to agree to bring up any offspring as Roman Catholics. They had no problem agreeing. I never wanted children, so that wasn't a problem.... But there was never any objection either time.... Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I am Roman Catholic. Two of my husbands were non-catholic. One was even a divorced man. the second marriage, so was I. I had no problems at all marrying them in a Catholic church. All they had to promise was to agree to bring up any offspring as Roman Catholics. They had no problem agreeing. I never wanted children, so that wasn't a problem.... But there was never any objection either time.... Just because the local priest broke Church law for you doesn't mean it is the normative experience. Non Cathlics don't even have to promise that, only that you will do your best to see kids are baptized as Catholic infants and raised in the church. Link to post Share on other sites
TakeMeasIam Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 He did not break church law. I was married in two completely different parishes, by two completely different priests. And this was in Italy - Italy is the headquarters, if you will, of Roman Catholicism, is it not....? The Catholic church accepts such matters now. Nobody broke church Law.... I think perhaps either you must do some more research, or maybe your priests are imposing conditions that are not necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 First law broken, divorced. The church does not recognize divorce. A churchb tribunal must form and declare the marriages invalid in the first place. In your case it may have been as simple as not marrying in the church the first time around. In his case it is more problematic because the church does not hold him to church law, unless he was baptized as a Catholic and then left the church without a bishop accepting his resignation formally. So his annulment would be more difficult to prove then just saying a civil clerk married me. Second church law broken, no marriage preparation. Teaching you what it means to be married in God's eye as the church determines it. Thus you have stuff like just say I will raise kids Cathlic and a Priest marries you on the spot. Third the Church HQ is in Vatican City, Italy is secular and on the scale of Catholic adherants, the people who actually do what the church says about things like birth control and obligatory attendance Italians fall in the lower half. Bishops outside of Italy have much more influence on the personal and political lives of Catholics, thus the local Priest are not as fast to break Church law in fear of facing empty pews everyday Link to post Share on other sites
TakeMeasIam Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 We broke none of those regulations. My marriages were correct in eyes of both church and law. Don't worry, and don't lose any sleep over this - I am not..... Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 OP, pray about it singly and together. I believe that if it is faith you want, you will be lead to the right choice, it will not be a 'decision'. There will be a fit that answers your questions. That's how it goes. Good girl for speaking up about how you feel. Talk to the Pastor/Priest also. If you cannot relate to them or approach them.. there's your answer. Search with honesty and humility before God, together. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts