she cheated after 2 years (long story)

[anon1111111]

I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me (had sex) with a guy friend of hers at her university 5 months ago. We are in a LDR, she lives 2 hours away and we see eachother every weekend, summer, winter/spring break.

 

A little background:

 

Her: 20 years old. Absolutely gorgeous, smart, kind heart, great sense of humor, I could go on for days describing what I love about her. Sexually abused in early childhood, neglected, parents were absolute **** of the earth, put in foster care at around age 10. Moved through a number of foster homes, suffered additional emotional abuse in the process, got adopted at age 14, constantly fought with neurotic adopted mother from 15-17, acted out (partied a LOT, slept with who knows how many guys - 5-8 maybe?, dabbled in drugs a little bit), ran away at 17 to share a studio with unsavory people, taken in by her best friend's family at 17 (can't speak highly enough of them, beautiful family), got her GED, enrolled in a good university, stays with her new surrogate family during time off school. Told me that she cheated in 2 fairly non-serious relationships before me (we actually met at a rave and started making out while she was in a relationship with someone else, unbeknownst to me till months later). Needless to say she's been hurt a lot in life. She smokes a lot of weed and tends to act recklessly when upset (gets too drunk, too stoned, emotionally unstable).

 

Me: 23 years old. Decently attractive (but she's still out of my league). Socially uncomfortable, not too many friends, zero close friendships apart from her and her friends, fairly introverted but working on it (plan on branching out a lot and build closer friendships on my year off school, which is very soon). Nerd. Valedictorian of HS, full ride scholarship, good paying internship, applying for medical school this year... in short an over-achiever with self-esteem issues, can go on for days about my flaws, fairly negative self-image but still able to put on a smile and get on with the day without prozac. Hopeless romantic to the extreme, bend over backwards to woo her, so into her that I don't even fantasize about other women. I know that I'm a great boyfriend, the best she's ever had and better than most.

 

Onto what happened. I don't have a Facebook page so I had never really seen hers. A mutual friend was looking at her page and I took it upon myself to see what sort of stuff she has shared with the world over the past year. There were several I really didn't like (all posted last semester), "Sometimes I wish I was single," "Sometimes I have intense sexual fantasies while working in the library," "I had a weird dream last night that I had sex with my english professor," and the kicker… "What does it mean if I did something I knew was really wrong but it doesn't really phase me?" posted September 29 of last year (2 days before my 23rd birthday). I couldn't explain this statement with anything she had told me around that time. I checked my call history and found that two nights before the post she didn't answer any of my calls till morning, first time this had happened in almost 2 years.

I waited till she came back for spring break to ask her about it (March 9). Things were already pretty tense between us since I had been trying to balance the stress of midterms with my discovery that she had been hiding something. We were getting ready to go to a party that Friday night, she knew something big was on my mind and I told her the day before that I needed to talk to her about something but she seemed to be more concerned with her makeup and joking with our friends, so I made myself a strong drink and worked up the courage to ask her what it was she had done last year that was so wrong. She flipped out on me, I know it was the wrong time to bring it up but her response was ridiculous. She said "it's none of your ****ing business" and stormed out of the room. I followed her and pressed the question again, she said "fine, I did a few lines of coke with one of my friends, okay?" I knew this was not it because I'm fairly open to drug experimentation and she knows this. The rest of the night she just closed herself off to everyone and drank recklessly, ended up vomiting in the back seat of a packed car on our way to the party. We all went to Village Inn so she could clean herself off; all the while I'm being the good boyfriend and helping her out without saying a word. On the ride back home she whispers stuff like "I don't deserve you" and "I just want to die" over and over again into my ear. She instantly passes out when we get back to the house. I leave as soon as I sober up and come back when she's finally up and ready to talk.

Eventually she admits to cheating on me, one time, with a guy she invited over to her dorm to smoke weed and take a few shots of hard alcohol. I knew that she put herself in these sorts of situations from time to time, spending time smoking weed alone with other guys who probably only wanted to get into her pants, and she knew that I didn't like it but I really did trust her so I never made a big deal about it. She didn't know this guy all that well, but he made a move on her and she went with it, all the way to hot, steamy sex. The guy is not particularly attractive and not really her type either. She told me she was a little buzzed, pretty stoned, and that she had been having "fear of commitment" thoughts about our relationship. I had no idea; she had been all lovey-dovey with me that whole week and a few days later on my birthday (when we had pretty darn good sex in my opinion). We regularly talked about how strong our love was, about how great our future together was going to be, and 80% of the time she initiated the dreamy future talk, not me. What really broke my heart was that she said "it doesn't really phase me" in her post. This point was reinforced by a mutual friend who reported to me that she told him in a Facebook chat that she knew "it" was a bad thing, but she didn't really feel bad about "it." She didn't tell him what the bad thing was; rather she said she would take it to the grave and never tell a soul.

I was devastated. After she fessed up I told her I had a lot of thinking to do and she flipped out again. She cried like I have never heard her cry before and latched onto me with both arms, squeezing me so tight and begging for me not to leave. This went on for about five minutes. I repeated that I had to leave and she just squeezed tighter and cried deeper. Eventually I gently squirmed out of her arms, put on my shoes and quickly departed. I talked it over with close friends and family to figure out what I should do. All the while she sent me a string of texts expressing how sorry she was, how deeply she still loved me, and later much scarier ones like how many tablets of Adderall does it take to have a heart attack.

Later that night I decided to go to her and talk it out. She said that she really did feel badly about it and that saying she didn't was her way of coping with what she had done. I can understand this: she is more experienced at coping with trauma and sadness than anyone I know – she had to dissociate from terrible experiences to survive childhood. I also understand that trauma from childhood sexual abuse makes one more likely to act out sexually later in adulthood. In the back of my mind I kind of saw this coming, she cheated twice in her past and she was not good at dealing with stress , it made her emotionally unstable, vulnerable, and she frequently turned to weed to make her feel better, or alcohol if it was available. These are all signs of weakness, and if the circumstances were right, if we had been fighting, if she was super stressed with school, I just knew one of her guy "friends" would jump on the opportunity to get her super stoned (which tends to make her horny), make her laugh and feel comfortable, and then make a move that she was too weak to resist. She said that this only happened once and I have no evidence that suggests otherwise; I do believe that this was an isolated incident. The day the truth came out her close friends feared that she would spiral downward and possibly drop out of school if I were to leave her. I know that she really, really loves me. She tells me that one day she wants to marry me and have babies and share it all with me.

I'm a fool for this girl so I forgave her and within the next few days we were back to cutesy dreamy future talk, tons of cuddling, and sex – this is bad, I know, I can definitely relate more than ever to "self-esteem" by the Offspring. Out of nowhere she has decided that she's going to move to my city, get an apartment (despite having zero savings at the moment), and go to my university so that we can be with each other every day. I tried to convince her that she has a good thing going at her current university and transferring would only make her life harder as my school is considerably larger and more expensive. Her surrogate family tried to talk her out of it too, but she's already applied to my school, made financial aid arrangements, and even picked out an apartment close to campus. Since there was no talking her out of it I started warming up to the idea and even expressed excitement to be able to see her every day. We've even started talking about getting an apartment together after she lives on her own for a while.

I feel very torn. My heart so badly wants to completely forgive her and go back to how things used to be. My heart wants her to move closer to me and after a year or so to move in together. But the trust just isn’t there and throughout the day my thoughts drift to graphic images of her with another guy and how it could easily happen again. I feel like an idiot to forgive her so quickly. A part of me wants to distance myself from her and concentrate on my own life. I don't like how our relationship has seemingly bounced back so quickly. I still feel hurt and confused.

 

Was my response to the situation too weak, too forgiving? What would you have done if you were in my shoes? How do I get to a point where I can trust her again? What can I do to make sure she never cheats again? She's open to going back to therapy to deal with childhood trauma but honestly there's so little time or money for that. Given the decisions I've already made, how should I proceed? Thank you so much for hearing me out, I really need some good advice.

[Beetleguise]

Only read like the first 6 to 8 lines.

 

Your relationship is over. Sorry mate, gutted for you

 

If she is half smart, her posting these things on facebook clearly shows she no longer desires the relationship.

[anon1111111]

I apologize for the lengthy post, but if you would read on you'd see that she's completely changing her life just to be closer to me. Doing so will likely set her back in her degree program and require her to make pretty big sacrifices. There's no doubt in my mind that she wants this relationship to last. The Facebook posts were ill conceived and I still don't understand why she posted them, I'm no psychologist.

Edited March 20, 2012 by doktarbuddha

[Beetleguise]

Read it all.

 

Firstly, she has a cheating past and has cheated on you. If you are ok excusing these things because of her childhood issues, then maybe you can carry on. (I know i couldnt)

 

This girl sounds like a nightmare and a little crazy, i know she has had it rough but its not your responsibility to share her burden if she cannot at least remain faithful

 

"All the while she sent me a string of texts expressing how sorry she was, how deeply she still loved me, and later much scarier ones like how many tablets of Adderall does it take to have a heart attack."

 

The above is just emotional blackmail. Can you really be doing with a girl like this?

 

Right now your head is probably telling you to run but your heart just wont let you.. The only way i could continue on with this relationship would be under my rules:

 

- She cant drink, do drugs, must submit her fone / FB pwords etc, And also certaintly cant be a LTR.

 

Ultimately its not worth it, i think you should get out now because she will only continue to hurt you more, a leopard never changes its spots and you seem like a good guy and are handling this well.

 

gl mate

[anon1111111]

You're probably right, this is my first real committed relationship and I just don't have the balls to do what needs to be done. It's not at all what I wanted to hear, I still love this girl so much, I so badly want to save her from her own self destruction, but she may destroy me in the process.

 

Right now I'm leaning towards taking a step back, focusing on improving myself, thinking about her less, and seeing how this thing goes. I've never placed specific demands on her, but I think if I continue I need to set rules like you said.

[Beetleguise]

You're probably right, this is my first real committed relationship and I just don't have the balls to do what needs to be done. It's not at all what I wanted to hear, I still love this girl so much, I so badly want to save her from her own self destruction, but she may destroy me in the process.

 

Right now I'm leaning towards taking a step back, focusing on improving myself, thinking about her less, and seeing how this thing goes. I've never placed specific demands on her, but I think if I continue I need to set rules like you said.

 

I understand mate, Horrible situation

 

Setting demands on her then brings a whole new set of worries after she initialy agrees to it (Out of relief of getting you back). She then has excuses that may seem more valid to keep things from you / lie which is just not healthy. She needs to realise her own weaknesses and why these demands are important (Whereas she will probably view them as a punishment / rebel )

 

Its probably little consolation but not many long distance relationships i have seen, last, no matter how brilliant they are (Around our age / im 20 )

Edited March 20, 2012 by Beetleguise

[Andy_K]

People can change. It's not clear to me that she's grown up yet, but it seems that she wants to be. She's clearly willing to do whatever it takes to make things work out.

 

Have you suggested she quit drugs and drinking? It doesn't sound as if she's very strong mentally at the moment, and they certainly will not be helping. Tell her that in the future, temper tantrums will not be acceptable - for this to work out, she needs to be able to talk to you about her problems. ALL of them.

 

You have the opportunity to change this girl's life now; to help make her a better person. However... the very fact you've posted this thread, and your focus on the hurt she's caused and trust you've lost suggest to me that you're not really ready or capable of doing that. She needs to mature in a lot of ways, and whilst this situation may have triggered the willingness to do so, I'm just not sure you're ready to give her the right guidance.

 

For that reason, I'm pretty sure more drama lies in your future with this girl.

[anon1111111]

She's the rebellious type, turns me on quite a bit actually, but it's problematic for rule-setting. She claims to have had an "awakening" from this whole disaster, unfortunately it took getting caught. She's quitting weed to broaden her job opportunities, she proposed to continue therapy if she can get medicaid to pay for it (needs to apply first), and she promised to stop hanging out with guys who just clearly want a piece of @$$. Moving closer to me fixes the long distance problem. If I put a freeze on my commitment level for awhile, man up and demand more, and boost my own desirability (exercise, socialize more, get into med school, get paid, etc) this sh*t storm of a situation might just clear out. She's got issues, I knew this from the beginning, but if I see she's making a good effort and improving her weaknesses I'll stick it out. If not, I'll leave. One thing's for damn sure, if I find out she ever cheats again I wont even bother talking it out again, she knows this.

[Andy_K]

She's the rebellious type, turns me on quite a bit actually, but it's problematic for rule-setting.

 

There is no rule setting. There is only helping her to achieve her own goals of being a great partner. You persuade her to make the right changes and explain why they are so until she agrees with you. You don't put down ultimatums or conditions.

 

One thing's for damn sure, if I find out she ever cheats again I wont even bother talking it out again, she knows this.

 

This is what I'm talking about. What exactly do you think you've achieved with this? Laid down the law? Manned up and stood your ground?

 

No. I'll tell you what you have achieved. What you have achieved is to make damn sure she's terrified of telling you ANYTHING you won't want to hear in case it's the last she'll ever get to speak to you. You've put up a big communication barrier.

 

I suppose you think she'll be less likely to cheat, knowing that the consequences will be final. My question to you is this - even if that were so, is that really the reason you want her to have for not cheating? To control her actions through fear? It's not. You want a girlfriend who doesn't cheat on you because she doesn't want to. Because her heart won't let her. Because she loves you with everything she has and can't get you out of her head. You want a girlfriend who wouldn't cheat on you out of integrity and respect, even if she knew she could get away with it with no consequences.

 

You can control a damaged girl for a while with discipline, but you can only help her become a better person with compassion

Edited March 20, 2012 by Andy_K

[anon1111111]

Andy_K, I'm not the kinda guy to put down ultimatums, that's not who I am, I'm not one to manipulate a person's behavior through fear (my dad did this to me and as a result I've been timid my whole life). This would be very out of character for me, but damn it I don't know what to do! I feel like I handled the situation poorly by being weak and forgiving her so quickly, within days, and now things are more or less back to normal between us, except that every day has been an emotional roller coaster for me, I feel hopeful and then full of despair, it doesn't take much these days for my mood to do a full 180, and frankly it's making me quite dysfunctional (I'm up at 4:30 in the morning without having slept a wink). Last night I had a dream that she did it again. My apatite is gone, I have no motivation to work on an assignment that is due in a few hours. Things were getting better when we were together last week (spring break), but now that we're apart for 5 days I'm starting come undone.

 

I'm just afraid of this whole thing blowing over without producing significant change. Granted she's decided to move closer to me and has promised to take measures to fix her weaknesses (all her own ideas), but if I don't tighten the screws a little bit maybe she'll just slip back into the same way of thinking. I want to be forgiving and compassionate, this feels more natural to me, this is what I have doing for 2 years, it's made us very close to one another, but then she cheated and I'm not so sure this approach works anymore.

[Andy_K]

Ok. I can understand where you're coming from.

 

What you have to keep reminding yourself, is that this is not about you. It's about her. What you want to be thinking about is not whether it was a good or bad thing that you forgave her easily, but whether she forgives herself for it. If her feelings for you weren't strong enough to stop her doing it back then, what is different now? What is it she was lacking, that she needs to develop? If not love then was it a conscience, integrity and self-respect, or empathy? You need her to be thinking about these things and giving you good answers.

 

It's a good sign that she's come up with ideas herself, but you also want to be careful that she's not trying to 'punish herself' as you haven't.

 

I don't think she needs you to tighten the screws, but she will need your leadership and guidance. Point her in the right direction and if she's willing she'll learn.

[anon1111111]

I think she's lacking many things unfortunately:

 

~Conscience: "it doesn't really phase me," "I know it was bad but I don't feel bad about it," I still have a hard time accepting this. She tells me it was just her way of coping with what she had done, well that doesn't really make me feel better. The fact is that in the immediate wake of infidelity she reported feeling little to no guilt. Maybe she has a tendency to dissociate her feelings from her experiences, a coping mechanism carried over from childhood. I don't know where to begin with addressing this issue, therapy I guess.

 

~Empathy: she's already experienced more emotional trauma than most experience in a lifetime. To me cheating is huge, it ranks as one of the worst experiences of my life, but she's been through much, much worse, maybe it's not as big a deal to her as it is to me considering my tolerance for emotional pain is nothing compared to hers.

 

~Self-respect: I thought women were more vulnerable to eloping with men who made them feel safe, comfortable, understood, connected, not some random guy who pretty clearly only wanted to use her for his own sexual satisfaction. She tells me they barely knew each other and pretty much stopped talking after the encounter. To me, being okay with being used for nothing more than another man's sexual satisfaction speaks volumes about a lack of self-respect. Furthermore, she's told me on many occasions that she does not deserve me, especially after one of her temper tantrums that I grin and bear like a champ.

 

It seems like these are pretty big issues that only years of therapy can fix. I love her so much that I want to help her grow into a stronger, healthier person, but if she cheats on me again I don't think I can go on trying, I'm not strong enough for that.

[Professor X]

So she has such a kind heart as to cheat on you and than lie by omission for a few months? - just showing you she isn't as perfect as you describe her, actually, she's the complete opposite.

Dude, wake up, she's a complete train-wreck. I get, you've never been to a RS so you haven't got a basis for comparison, but a quick browse through the net, reading how others describe their normal RS will show you how off-road you are with her.

You're insecure with no self esteem thus you allow yourself to be with a drug addict, alcoholic cheater because you don't think you can do any better? Really? Really? Really?

 

And you're right, if you wouldn't catch, she wouldn't tell you the truth, and as you said, or rather, she said, her act of indiscretion did not phase her out. At all.

 

You try and justify her behavior, which is fine, because you're right, she's the way she is because of her past, HOWEVER, you shouldn't be suffering from it, this is not your problem and there's absolutely no reason it should be.

 

As for your questions:

 

Was my response to the situation too weak, too forgiving?

IMO, yes. Nothing basically change, did you demand something? Set boundaries? Anything?

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

I would walk away, and not only because of the cheating part, but also because I hold high value for the truth - I can't stand liars, of any kind, and other than cheating she lied to you for SO long.

How do I get to a point where I can trust her again?

Not sure what to tell you, since you can't erase the past, but you need to somehow wipe the plate clean, open a new page with her, maybe try therapy as well.

What can I do to make sure she never cheats again?

Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING.

She's open to going back to therapy to deal with childhood trauma but honestly there's so little time or money for that. Given the decisions I've already made, how should I proceed?

How to proceed? Set boundaries, don't accept any behavior - in other words, don't be a doormat. If you won't stand for what you want, no1 will and you will just get stomped over and over again.

 

With all due respect, you need to grow a pair, because nothing really stops her from getting stoned again and one of her guy friends diving in for the catch.

[anon1111111]

It's not that I feel I can't get a "normal" girl and have a "normal" relationship instead of the "off-road" one that I've got, I love this girl, we've got a history, I can see this going somewhere so long as she makes an effort to fix the character flaws that lead to the infidelity. I think the two of us need to have a long talk about how she allowed herself to have sex with another guy, not tell me or any one else about it, and why she didn't feel bad in the days after it happened. I still don't have good answers to these questions. I can't heal until I get a better understanding, burying it down and hoping for the best is driving me nuts.

 

I don't know if I can get the answers I want by talking to her one on one. I feel like I can't get through to her sometimes, like I just don't know how to ask the right questions and she misses the point. I think I need to schedule a couples therapy session, and soon, like this weekend, before the issue starts to fade.

[Professor X]

I love this girl, we've got a history,

Ok, first of, of course you got history with her, 2 years isn't short, but, we all got history, you ain't the first, 2nd nor 1,000,000th person to say that so it becomes kinda moot. If you'd tell me you served together in the army, lost friends and family and known each other for 15 years than I'd say, hey, you DO have history together, something worthy too.

And also, of course you love her, that is why you're here, that is also why you let yourself be with a person as messed up as she is and that's why you accepted her infidelity. When inlove, a lot of people (especially inexperienced ones) tend to see things through pink colored glasses, or as the famous saying goes "Love is Blind".

 

I can see this going somewhere so long as she makes an effort to fix the character flaws that lead to the infidelity.

Ok, let me open your eyes a bit. EVERYONE, especially girls though, think that. They fall inlove with the person HE could become, potentially.

Do you see the irony here? They get their dreams, hopes and expectations wrapped around something that isn't there!

She isn't that person, who, as you described "makes an effort to fix the character flaws", moreover, I think you meant "makes an effort and FIXED the character flaws"

I think the two of us need to have a long talk about how she allowed herself to have sex with another guy, not tell me or any one else about it, and why she didn't feel bad in the days after it happened. I still don't have good answers to these questions. I can't heal until I get a better understanding, burying it down and hoping for the best is driving me nuts.

 

I don't know if I can get the answers I want by talking to her one on one. I feel like I can't get through to her sometimes, like I just don't know how to ask the right questions and she misses the point. I think I need to schedule a couples therapy session, and soon, like this weekend, before the issue starts to fade.

Couple therapy could work, but mind you, she is the one with the major issues, she's the one who needs to fix herself (you can't fix her!).

 

P.S. you really see yourself with a drug addict and an alcoholic? That's the best you can do? Try and see beyond her pretty eyes and perky breasts - they will fade sooner than you think (since you made an effort to point out she's a league above you).

[anon1111111]

Ugh, oftentimes when I talk to her about stuff that bothers me (about her) she gets annoyed and gives me an attitude. For example, it annoys me that when we're on the phone, sometimes she'll have 1-5 second side conversations with people she passes in the hall, sometimes she'll even cut me off mid-sentence, talk to someone else for 5 seconds, and then say "sorry, what were you saying?" Get's on my nerves! When I tell her this she gives me attitude, saying "I don't want to seem like a b*tch and just ignore people when they greet me." When I try to talk about it with her she makes me feel like I'm nagging, when really I'm not, just trying to improve our communication. The point is I feel like talking about uncomfortable stuff with her is like pulling teeth. She gets annoyed, says stuff that gets even more under my skin like "I just won't talk to you while I'm walking anymore," and then shuts down the conversation. Damn if I cheated on her (hypothetically, would never be able to do it) and she found out I would be kissing her f*cking feet for weeks, not giving attitude over little issues. I hate to admit it, but your probably right Prof. X.

Edited March 20, 2012 by doktarbuddha

[Professor X]

Ugh, oftentimes when I talk to her about stuff that bothers me (about her) she gets annoyed and gives me an attitude. For example, it annoys me that when we're on the phone, sometimes she'll have 1-5 second side conversations with people she passes in the hall, sometimes she'll even cut me off mid-sentence, talk to someone else for 5 seconds, and then say "sorry, what were you saying?" Get's on my nerves! When I tell her this she gives me attitude, saying "I don't want to seem like a b*tch and just ignore people when they greet me." When I try to talk about it with her she makes me feel like I'm nagging, when really I'm not, just trying to improve our communication. The point is I feel like talking about uncomfortable stuff with her is like pulling teeth. She gets annoyed, says stuff that gets even more under my skin like "I just won't talk to you while I'm walking anymore," and then shuts down the conversation. Damn if I cheated on her and she found out I would be kissing her f*cking feet for weeks, not giving attitude over little issues. I hate to admit it, but your probably right Prof. X.

Doesn't matter if it's like pulling some teeth, you need to be able to communicate with her. Period. Find a way, and if you can't, than it means you're incompatible.

You can't shouldn't even start contemplating about a future with a person whom you can't even talk about the simplest things (RS-wise), that's just asking for misery.

 

And I wanna say this again: Take her as the person she is NOW - I can't stretch this enough. Don't build a future on the person she could be, cause let's face it, she could be anyone!

 

In the business-world, you don't gamble your own business (life => marriage) on hopes that someone whom you have no control over (your GF) will maybe make an effort and maybe fix some unknown stuff.

 

That's stupid, don't you think?

[Chi townD]

Rule number 1: When a cheaters lips are moving, they're lying.

 

Rule number 2: Without concrete evidence, a cheater will only tell you the bear minimum of what the truth REALLY is to make it seem less than what it was.

 

You caught her FB comment and she was in a corner, so she said she cheated ONLY ONCE. Chances are there have been several (like her English Professor). If you want to continue the relationship with her, then you need to lay down ground rules. You need to get checked for STD's and so does she. She DESPERATELY needs to get into counseling because she has WAY too much baggage. And thirdly, I would ask her for a polygraph to find out if she's actually telling you the truth. Chances are she's going to baulk at the third one and if she does, you have your answer.

[dasein]

This person is as others say a complete trainwreck. Have been exactly where you are in a similar situation (a little later in life). Have been through all the "holding tight" reconciliations, confessions, pseudo confessions and partial confessions. Have been through all the "plans for the future," "moving away or in together" window dressing.

 

Mine would ask me to marry her nearly DAILY... all the while she was sleeping with another dude. The similarities I see between my gorgeous nutjob and yours are striking, not going to list them all out, but trust me there are many. Personality disordered people self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, take those away and the REAL fireworks start. Cheating is the least of it. Two years in, she is still doing a good job of hiding her true nature, or maybe not, you are just blinded by beauty.

 

C'mon man, she has cheated on two prior and you as well. You realize in all likelihood this is the tip of the iceberg, and that you are being played for the "future MD sucker" you are showing signs of willingness to become.

 

It isn't worth it. I was in your shoes several years ago, and the single thing that makes me happiest today is that I got rid of that woman. It took a year after to heal and realize the extent she had been sucking the life and energy out of me. There's a 10% chance you two can end up happy together, and a 90% chance this woman is going to bring untold future misery and heartache into your life, god forbid you have had children with her at that point. Please consider moving on. Good luck whatever you decide, you will need lots of it.

[anon1111111]

You guys are scaring the living sh*t out of me, just saying.

[Chi townD]

my gorgeous nutjob and yours are striking

 

LMAO!!!! Sorry, I literally busted out laughing at that!

 

@ OP we're not trying to scare you per say....Just trying to open your eyes a little on what MIGHT be happening. A lot of us have been around the block with cheaters and we know the signs. Just letting you in on the know!

[hotloader]

I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me (had sex) with a guy friend of hers at her university 5 months ago. We are in a LDR, she lives 2 hours away and we see eachother every weekend, summer, winter/spring break.

 

ditch the bitch because she's just gonna do it to you again. As for the rest of your long-winded post? Guess what buddy......that's 1000x more energy and thought than this pig you're dating is ever gonna afford you. Hate to put it to you like that, but there just ain't any other way to say it. Break it off with her, suck it up, and move on. Period. Because if you don't do it now, you're gonna have to do it later. How many times do you wanna let her emasculate you?

[hotloader]

She DESPERATELY needs to get into counseling because she has WAY too much baggage.

 

Screw that. Man, I'm so sick and tired of hearing people extending every benefit of the doubt to these twisted, vapid women. This girl deserves exactly what's coming to her: Unwanted pregnancy and possibly an STD. Hopefully it's AIDS too. Don't call me cruel either. AIDS isn't as deadly as it used to be.

 

Look here, if I decided to go out and get hammered every night, would you have any sympathy for me if I wrapped myself around a telephone pole eventually, and was stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life? Nope. You'd say "He got what he deserved". Don't give this little skank any mercy. Let her reap what she's sowing. With any luck, someday down the road the OP will be a successful young man, and he'll hear through the grapevine about how this chick's life became an absolute train wreck due to nothing but her own callous deceitfulness and sluttly behavior.

[g450]

At the risk of sounding like a smartass, I will state the obvious:

 

Your 23!!!!!

 

Got that? Your only 23!!!!

 

For crying out loud, you havent even begun to live. The LAST thing on your mind should be an LTR. Even with a decent girl. And the one your seeing has issues already. Do you honestly think they are going to get better as she ages?

 

Do yourself a favor and let her go. Live your youth and enjoy it. You are sweating small stuff. And that's what it is, small stuff. Ten years from now you will laugh about it.

[kaylan]

Dump her and move on. And get her off the pedestal you have her on. You are the prize. Shes obviously not out of your league if she was your girlfriend.

 

Do you think so low of yourself, and are you that desperate to put up with all her draining bs and disrespect at such a young age.

 

Its better for you to dump her, move on, and maybe stay friends so she can get some help. She doesnt deserve to be with you though.

Edited March 21, 2012 by kaylan