Potential second chance with a kicker

[offcloudnine]

I am positive that the best thing you could do is to go NC and let it be up to her to contact you again. I don't always agree with people saying that you should tell them to only contact you if it's about the relationship or getting back together. I think that puts to much pressure on the dumper. It makes them feel that they need to be ready to go all the way if they choose to contact you. I've been in this situation and it kind of scared me away, because I did not want to hurt her any further.

 

If I were you I would just let her know that you love her and that you really want to be with her, but that you cant continue giving your love and time to someone who does not give it back, and that you need to stay away from eachother in order for you to start moving on with your life. No talk about terms of when she's allowed to contact you. I don't think you risk anything by doing so. Only then, the actual possibility of loosing you will become a reality to her. While you are NC you should try to live your life as best you can, and for your own sake don't expect her to come back. Your breakup is also very fresh, you should keep NC at least for a couple of months and see how it goes. You might even start to feel a little bit better as time passes.

 

What she is doing now is not fair either to you or the new guy. If he is upset at her behaviour he is rightfully so. I would never enter a relationship unless I was perfectly sure that she was completely done with previous relationships. For her it seems to be perfect, because shes not risking anything by her behaviour. She has two guys that are ready to be there for her when she wants to.

 

No matter what advice you are given, you should do what you feel is best for yourself, because only you know all the details about your relationship. Still, I have a hard time understanding why so many people allow themself to be an option for someone. IMO that should not be the case if it's real love. Who knows, maybe I could have gotten my ex back if I just tried but my personality just wont allow me to do so.

 

Thanks for your reply and I have decided to go NC, although she can still call me since I haven't changed my number. I didn't tell her to call me only when she wants to talk about the relationship or whatnot, instead because she said she needed me in her life, I told her to call me only when she felt like she needed me.

 

I didn't exactly tell her that I couldn't continue to give my love and time to someone who doesn't give it back, instead I told her that it's very difficult for me to stay in contact with her, being around her, it just reminds me of "us" and wanting "us" back, and that I thought it was just better for the both of us to have this "break". I don't know if the possibility of losing me will seem real to her or not, in a way I hope she does feel that way and that would really make her think whether or not I am worth it (she thought things would stay the same between us after the break up).

 

Yeah, that's why I feel like the new guy was kind of stupid to want to be in a relationship with her RIGHT after we broke up.

 

We really don't know much, I don't know much else, and I think time will tell how things will go. And if it happens that there's a chance we could reconcile I want to be there for it.