SuzyQ1 Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color] Okay This is the first time I am writing something so hopefully it will make me feel a little better!! My situation is like this My Boyfriend "fiance" and I have been together 1year and 3 months, but....he has a ex that he was with for 4 years and they have a child together! This is the FIRST man that i have eevr been in love with so i guess u can say i kind of rushed into it to fast! our 4th monthing being together we moved to florida so he could go to school! In the beging everything was GREAT then about 2 months ago he started acting real distant about every 2 weeks he would tell me he thinks we should break up that i should go back to NJ He says he was upset about not being able to be with his son?!? I also found out that him and her were talking again and it was not about the baby she would mail him letters and he would rush to the mail box before me and get them so i couldnt read them it was just CRAZY!So after puting up with his s*it i decide to just leave! And go back to NJ well when i get up thier he tells me hes sorry & begs me to come home with him so i say Yes! Then he went to visit his son he came back and said that he changed his mind and did not want me to come home with him!!! So i stayed in NJ and he e-mailed me and told me that he wants to get back with his ex to see if thier is anything between them...and that he wanted to try to be a family again!! But when they where together she treated him like crap and he was misreable! So of course i was mad.....but to make it worse his ex Intstant messaged me that same night and was saying that he called her begging her to come down thier and she was gonna go so for me to stay out of his life and e-mailed me this whole converstaion that they had a couple months ago and he was telling her the he dont love me anymore that he only loves her and to top it all off that when hes making love to me that he thinks of her!! Okay this is when all hell broke out so me & him went at it for about a week or so and then he told me he loved me and i was the one he wanted to be with and he dont want her back if i could please come home and we can start all over!! So i decided to go back to prove it to myself to see if it could work or not. Well i am back in Fla with him and he seems like a new person but i still have these what if thought in the back of my head! what can i do?? do i stay with him & give it a chance or do i leave? Sould i be able to trust him agian im stuck!! Sorry this is so long =o) i need some help!![color=darkblue][/color]
Linlin Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 I have my problems too, so maybe I am not the best to advise. If you want to be with him you need to both get into counselling. He seems to keep wavering back and forth so I don't think he really know what he wants. Unfortunately there is a child involved so he may go back to his ex for the sake of trying to work things out Take everything he says with a grain of salt right now. He sounds torn right now. The other problem is that it sounds like she is not going to leave him alone. SHe can create real problems for you. Unfortunately you can't ask for no contact since they have the child together. I think he needs to go to couples counselling with you and make the first step to prove that he wants it to work out. ALso, he should tell his ex in front of you that he wants to be with you and not her. That may help you as well.
HokeyReligions Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 Go back to NJ, get your own life together (job, friends, social activities---including dating, family, etc.) and tell him that if he ever makes up his mind and his heart and decides to leave the other woman for good, to give you a call and you will consider seeing him again.
Author SuzyQ1 Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color]Okay me &him have been doing pretty good!! But we just ran into another problem and i need some help! His son's birthday in the 27th, Me & his so have a great relationship! I asked him if i could sign his son's birthday card since his gift is from me to and he told me no! That his ex would get mad! But i dont understant because he should not be worried about what she thinks!! The card is for his son not her!! Am i wrong because i want to sign the card? Should i be mad that he's worried about what she thinks? Or should i be understanding? This gets me soooo mad! Should i just send him(my b/f's son) a birthday card to his house and not even tell him(my boyfriend) im sending one?? Do u think he'll be pissed??? Well what should i do?? Susan
CurlyIam Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 Susan, You're the woman in his life now. You play a big role! You have rights, one of them being him acknowledging that! Wanna know something? He still cares about how she feels. That's always a bad sign. Think about what Hokey suggested! It's the best advice you have yet received, trust me!
morrigan Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 His son--and his child's mom--is always going to be some part of his life. At this point, he still is more concerned what his ex thinks over making you happy. Hokey is absolutely right---move out and get on with your life, or get used to a yo-yo situation. I wouldn't be suprised if he keeps up this pattern of being with his ex and leaving her for some time--always expecting that when he gets tired of her, he can go back to another girlfriend. Maybe he'll get his act together in a couple of years, but why wait around for him to do that?
Miss_Behavin143 Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I think I'd move on. Hokey, and Curly are right... it's pretty obvious he still cares about what "she" thinks.... and until he learns to consider you the new lady in his life and worry more about what you think than what she thinks (with the exception of it involving their son), I'd move on. That always sucks to hear.. and it's so easy for all of us to tell you that, and so much harder for you to actually do it. But, you can't put your life on hold and fight and struggle for him.. when he's still struggling to impress and keep his ex happy. .... Good luck.
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