Romeo to jerk? What now?

[easylover]

Nine months ago, I started dating my boyfriend and everything was just perfect. The chemistry was out of control and we couldn't wait to see eachother any chance we could. We made eachother laugh and just really enjoyed eachother. He wined me and dined me, $30 bottles of wine and romantic dinners. 3 weeks into the relationship, he told me he was falling in love with me. The next weekend, I told him I felt it too. We would go out to eat with friends and make them all sick because we would just look eachother in the eye and smile and kiss throughout dinner. He took me to an island for a vacation one month into the relationship and it was like a dream. Always loving, affectionate, kissing holding hands and hugging everywhere we went - people asked us if we were newlyweds. I am actually crying writing this because he is such a jerk to me for 4 weeks now. He has become quiet, moody, snappy, and just mean to me most of the time. He says it is stress, but he won't confide in me because he says "men don't talk about their problems". He insists I come up for the weekend every weekend, but when I get there, I just sit around while he doesn't want to do anything. He will often leave the room without telling me where he's going and dissapear for a couple hours in his room. When I go up there, he is just sitting in bed watching TV. In the car he ignores me for entire car rides and says nothing on the phone. How does someone change so drastically? He says that ofcourse you wine and dine a girl in the beginning but now he knows he "has" me, he says he doesn't have to take me out anymore. But where too are the hugs and kisses and the love??? Where did it just dissapear to? I think this is a bunch of crap. I am by no means a gold-digger, but he hasn't taken me out of even MCDonalds in 2 months. We do nothing. I am becoming insecure and jealous because these are all signs of guilt he is showing me, but he says nothing is wrong and I'm kooky for questioning things. I'm not naive, I know that it is normal for things to fizzle down a little in relationships after some time. I know fairytales don't exist, but it sure felt damn close. Advise please.

[Cupcake]

This is the exact same thing that happened to me. My recent ex told me he loved me 3 weeks after we started dating. Then he took me on this vacation for a week and we were sooo great together. Things were good for about 7 months into the relationship. We were in an LDR. We used to plan inexpensive places to meet, mid-point, and and simply have weekend vacations once a month for about 7 months.

 

Then the last 4 months, he started acting distant. He called me a lot less often. (Of course this made me feel terrible because talking on the phone was our only way to communicate) I would call him, and he wouldn't have much to say. He said he was getting tired of talking on the phone all the time. He wanted us to be closer together.

 

Then I got nosey and started snooping on him as much as I could. I found out that he had been dating other people. And there was one female in particular that he was spending several hours talking to on the phone "every night." That's why he was treating me like crap. He just wasn't into me anymore. He knew that I hadn't done anything to deserve this type of treatment, so he was too selfish to just break up with me.

 

After I found out about all this, I told him about it. He confessed to everything, but he admitted that he had no intentions of changing anything. He wasn't about to say "bye bye" to any of the females that he'e already established bonds with. He suggested I find a man or two to keep me occupied while I was away from him. He actually thought the two of us could maintain a strong relationship like this. I disagreed with him. So I broke up with him.

 

Your man could be seeing someone else. Or maybe he just lost interest in you and is affraid to break up with you because he knows that you are a good catch. Either way, you don't need to stay around him and allow him to continue treating you like crap. If he refuses to tell you his problem, then you need to tell him how it's making you feel. Put some distance between the two of you, and let him know that you will be there if he needs you or if he decides to open up.

[Matilda]

Break up with him. This is not the way human beings should treat each other, let alone the way boyfriends should treat their girlfriends. I truly wouldn't waste anymore time on him.

[Girlie]

I think from the sounds of it, you know that this is not the normal fizzling, though I hate to call it that. Typically, people do get into a routine and stuff and maybe things aren't as hot and heavy. But this seems like more than that. Before you jump to the conclusion that he's seeing other people, you might think about some other things. I mean, he could be seeing others, but his behavior could also mean depression, commitment issues (they say commitment phobes come on very strong and then distance themselves just as drastically), anxiety. There are a lot of explanations. Or he could just be a totally different person from the person you fell for, unfortunately. Perhaps he was trying to impress you and now he feels no need to (just like he said), so his true colors are showing. Whatever the explanation, it sounds like you need to re-evaluate the relationship. You're not happy, and if he's not willing to compromise with you or something, it may be time to let go.