whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 My best friend knows, and that's it. It is devastating to not be able to share what's going on in my life with my direct family. I sometimes feel like just breaking down sometimes when I'm in front of them and feeling emotional because something happening with my lover. You should tell them, especially since you plan on moving away from them and the life you know now. You certainly are giving up a lot for someone you truly don't know well. What does your bestfriend think about everything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnStuart2288 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 You should tell them, especially since you plan on moving away from them and the life you know now. You certainly are giving up a lot for someone you truly don't know well. What does your bestfriend think about everything? Well in all honestly, I'm actually going to Graduate School close to her. So my life was going to change, regardless if I met her or not. Also, I don't think it's fair to say that I don't truly know her well. I am not exaggerating when I say I have been spending time with her essentially 24/7 the past two months. Sometimes we will end the call after leaving it on 72 hours straight. I know her extremely well. There is a bit of physicality missing, granted; but you can't automatically assume that that means I don't know her well. For example, I know for a fact that she knows more about me, how I react, what I am think of, what interests me, moreso than anyone else really. Also, I can't tell my parents; not yet at least. If there is a chance that I'll be with her, then I don't want them to find out this whole situation. I never intended for this to happen, but I honestly cannot help who I fall in love with. With her, it seemed like it was inevitable. And my best friend doesn't really have much of an input, since he says he doesn't know her well enough. However he is very concerned for me. With all that said, I understand that I do deserve more than what she is giving me. I think I will have a much better understanding of my future with her in a month when she is on her own. So for now, I feel like it's best for me to not push things and to focus on myself as much as possible. I can't have expectations, but I can't do NC with her either; not unless she chooses to go back to her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Sure no problem. She is leaving to move in with her parents in two weeks; I might have said one week, but I meant two. (I guess it's because I am just so anxious). Once she finds a job and apartment in that country (where her parents are), then the plan is for me to move in with her. So, from the outside looking in people will see this: She leaves, but not divorces her husband in another country, and goes back home where you suddenly move in with her (and you are also from another country). Yeah, no one will figure that one out. And what happens when your visa expires inher home country? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 The fact that you have to keep it secret should tell you that something is wrong with the whole scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I am in love. And the woman I am in love with is married. I know, this doesn't sound like a good situation at all; but let me give you the details of this whole scenario. We are both extremely emotionally involved with each other, and we both consider the other the love of our lives. Oh but of course I'm sure she thinks this with someone new and exciting. If you end up with her, give her a few years for the newness to wear off. And then when the 7 year itch sets in, probably in about 5 years, you'll be in the same position her husband is in now. I know you won't think so, but hey, you are in love with a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I really need a complete self evaluation. Unfortunately for me, she is my first love; and the one I lost my virginity to. Boom, there you have it. Sorry, if you just lost your V to her, only met her IRL twice, and she already needs her "space", you don't know what love is. You are thinking with your little head Lust is not love. And cheaters don't know the meaning of the word. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I believe the outcome between us will depend mostly on how she is there. With that said.. Eh, I don't know. You both sound kind of reckless. Good luck with moving to her town and having lots of love and children. It may work out, and you'll get to live somewhere else with the woman you love. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Sure no problem. She is leaving to move in with her parents in two weeks; I might have said one week, but I meant two. (I guess it's because I am just so anxious). Once she finds a job and apartment in that country (where her parents are), then the plan is for me to move in with her. Ok, so she moved out a few months ago and is leaving her depressed H? He gave the ring back, doesn't want kids and that is a deal breaker for her. So far, so good. her in-laws are crying and pleading, her H was, but has now backed away and she leaves in two weeks to go home to her parents. So far, so good. I think she will need time to greive the loss of her marriage and all the tears and guilt being thrown her way. No kids would be a dealbreaker for many women. She obviously wants the support of her parents and a time to regroup. I think this could work out for you, and I know many are not saying so, but right now it sounds like an exit affair to me, so I am going to give you guys the benefit of the doubt. As long as you stay in contact, are truthful with each other, and respect the changes she will go through as she heals from this, I think you have a shot. What is two months in your life? She is taking great pains for her parents to not blame you for the demise of her marriage. She wants them to love and respect you as much as she does. I think that is a positive sign. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) JohnStuart, welcome to LS, you are getting valuable support and advices here. I think, right now you are emotionally fragile and isolated. You spend too much time supporting and discussing with this woman. It sounds to me like you are her life-belt rescue..her friend, lover, the shoulder to cry on, her therapist and her psychologist. You talk about HER problems, HER divorce, HER drama...It is all about her. You are just there for HER. What I can tell you is that married women can be AMAZING lovers, they will tell you things that no single girl will easily tell you..They make you feel special, they make you feel high and of course it is very nice and ego feeding to hear those things, having a woman telling you her burning passionate love. She tells you a lot of amazing things but does she act on them ? Did she run to tell your husband that she loves you and wants to be with you, not with him ? Did she run to have the divorce papers ASAP ? The only "truth" you know is what SHE tells you. How do you know for sure her H is depressed ? Maybe he is not depressed at all, maybe they just have a marriage crisis, maybe that she cheated on him and now she is facing the drama..maybe that he doesn't want kids right now and she is pressuring him. How can you be sure for what's happening hundreds or thousands miles from you? There are some signs you have misread IMO : If she wanted so badly a family and kids with THIS guy, didn't you think for a moment that she really loves him and wanted those things with HIM ? A woman will never want a baby with a man that she doesn't love. Plus if she really wanted to leave that guy she wouldn't have waited to meet you for doing that. You just happened to know her at her relationship "low-point" and that's why she was so easy to "have". Did you ask yourself for a second that you are her revenge-guy ? Or her escape-affair guy ? She maybe simply looking for a revenge affair to feel better after being mistreated ? She is probably using you emotionally to escape her problems, not because she genuinely wants to be with you. Have you ever felt that you were a default choice or simply a rebound guy ? You won't know her secret agenda until her separation/divorce is final and she takes active actions to be with you. Fantasy-land put appart, did you think what are your actual chances to be with her ? Distance, finances, knowing each-other enough are REAL barriers. What I can tell you is that your unconditionnal trust her is your worst enemy right now. Of course you trust her more than us, strangers here on LS...But I can tell you the day you will open your eyes, it will hit you like a wall of bricks. My advice is to RUN away at least for the moment. Let her deal with her divorce problems, you can't save, assist or rescue her, you are not her therapist or laywer or priest. When the dust is settled and she has her divorce papers than you can start making plans for the future, supposed she still wants you with the same passion... Edited March 21, 2012 by East7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnStuart2288 Posted March 22, 2012 Author Share Posted March 22, 2012 I just wanted to say that I appreciate all of the advice given so far. I have taken many into serious consideration, and I am trying to hold back a little more. I will update this thread when new information comes along. It actually shouldn't be too long now for me to feel calmer or for me to feel devastated, since she'll move in with her parents in two weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
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