My Story of Lust, Abuse, unbelievable but true PART 1

[Itsonlyme66]

Without a clinical evaluation, can anyone explain to me what type of abuser I had?

 

I'm going to start at the beginning. This is Part One.

 

I met, let's call him Jack, in 2006. I was coming out of a bad marriage and had 2 kids and a house with a mortgage I couldn't afford alone.

Jack was fresh out of a divorce. Oddly, his new ex-wife had just moved BACK into his condo to "work things out" with him because she needed a place to stay....

 

Jack swept me. yeah, you got it. off my feet.

First date was at a bar. I wasn't enamored at first but within 1/2 hour the conversation flowed so easily and he was so animated and fun it turned into 3 hours. He asked for a second date, and he got one.

Second date, he had his hand on my leg telling me how gorgeous I was, and next thing he said was "I want to take care of you and be buried on top of you so I can protect you for all eternity!" with a slick smile.... I was floored. We laughed, drank, had a blast, and he couldn't keep his eyes off me. Then we started to joke around and next thing you know he dares me to go in the men's room! I know, stupid stuff but what a rush to be with someone so alive, so entertaining! Picture Jay Leno's personality (and looks to an extent). He quickly became involved with me and I didn't fight it.

 

3rd date, he pressed for intimacy, because after all, why go on in this relationship if we aren't sexually compatible? It made sense at the time, right?

 

We drove to a walmart where he ran in and out with a robe, candles, flowers, etc. you name it, it was in those bags. Then off to a hotel room and after a mind-blowing sexual encounter, he announced, at the foot of the bed as though he were on a stage, that he was going to try to work out things with his wife and would love to see me discreetly 1x a week because he was crazy about me. I lay silent at the head of the bed, arms folded, just listening to him. So THIS was what it was about.... well, i knew it wasn't for me. But I let him talk, and said I would consider it. Kissed him goodbye and the next day from work (when I used to work full time as a secretary) I emailed him that I thought he would be better suited for a college aged girl as I was looking for a relationship and not a once a week encounter.

 

Well. The phone at work began to blow up. He called, reneged on all he had said, and said no, he wanted ME and that was that. He did not want to lose me.

 

We continued to see each other. One day, I was out shopping. He had texted me after a very small piddly disagreement... I don't even remember what it was about. I texted back, "I'm out." He called me and said, "you're done with me?" I said no silly I'm just out. Shopping! He breathed a huge sigh of relief and said, "Oh God, don't do that, you scared me to death!"

 

Meantime, the wife was being devalued terribly and he told me all the details of what was wrong with her. How stupid she was. How they couldn't communicate. He told her she had to find her own place and she moved out within 2-3 weeks after meeting me, very distraught, and not knowing I was part of the equation of their demise.

 

She didn't take it well. Between calling him names and crying and begging, his phone was absolutely ringing off the hook daily. He would let his voice mail pick up. Then as the messages piled up, he would say, "listen to these!" Once in a blue moon, he would pick up only to argue with her in front of me, telling her it was over and you could hear her sobbing. then he'd hang up, roll his eyes, and come back to sit with me. He would say, "Jesus, we're divorced! She needs to move on!"

 

Fast forward to October. He moved in with me. My mortgage was through the roof. I couldn't afford it. With his (at the time) perfect credit, he was able to cut it in half and moved in with the stipulation that i would pay the mortgage and he the other bills of the household.

All was great. Then came the holidays.

 

He left me alone on Thanksgiving because the ex-wife moved to GA. He said he had to "give her closure" so he left me on Thanksgiving alone here (my folks lived out of state). He said he would stay in a hotel up there but I found out after (of course) that he was with her. However, he came home saying, "It's over, baby!" very happy and excited. It was done.

I wasn't so sure.

 

It gets worse. So much worse. This is only the first year.

I have to purge this, so I am breaking it down. I will go with part 2 next.

[Forever Learning]

Hello!

 

I know a bit of how you are feeling.

 

I spent 16 years with a man who has a Personality Disorder, similar to your man.

 

You will want to educate yourself on Cluster B Personality Disorders. The man I was with has Narcississtic Personality Disorder and is a Psychopath.

 

I believe your man is a Psychopath as well.

 

Education is one step in the process of healing, moving on, and feeling good again. There are many steps. It takes time.

 

You will also benefit from joining a women's abuse support group. Find one near you. You need to talk about your experience with others who understand.

 

You could benefit from being on anti-depressants if you feel you are depressed. Be sure to take a multi-vitamin, along with extra B-vitamins, to help your mood. If you can see a private counselor or therapist, that may help you as well.

 

Here is a link you can begin at, to begin the education process for yourself, it is about surviving life after living with a Narcissist or Psychopath:

 

[COLOR=#660000]Surviving a Narcissist - The Path Forward | Lisa E. Scott[/COLOR]

 

Here's a link on love addiction. You are a Love Addict, by the way. Probably a Sex Addict as well, along with being Co-Dependant. Don't feel bad about it, just get educated and start to heal.

 

[COLOR=#660000]Love Addicts Anonymous[/COLOR]

 

Read every day, all you can, around here and elsewhere. In time you will realize the things you need to do to be free and be happy. God bless you.

Edited March 22, 2012 by Forever Learning