spookie Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) I didn't think there were enough inflammatory threads on this forum today. We can pretend that money shouldnt matter, but when it comes down to planning a future, especially for those who want children, its foolish not to consider your prospective mates finances. A woman would be a fool to sign up to be both a caregiver, and breadwinner. Please discuss. My personal requirement is that the guy be able to modestly support a wife and a couple of kids... Something I should be able to do in a few years, in my career; therefore making it, in my mind, a reasonable expectation. IMO that translates to a salary of about 120k per year in my area, the key word being, modestly. Edited March 21, 2012 by spookie Link to post Share on other sites
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Jeeze, that's modest! I guess it's cheaper to live modestly here. I'm hoping my post-college job will put me in a career where I'll make 60k a year. I'd be happy with a guy who makes that. I'd be happy with a guy who makes less than that. I'd be happy with a guy who's happy with what he's doing I'd rather date a guy who makes 30k as a history teacher, and loves what he's doing.. than a guy who makes 120k and works behind a desk and gets no fulfillment from his job. I dated a guy who works at an investment firm and makes tons of money, and he was just so stodgy and arrogant that I've been kind of turned off to guys with too much money. I want someone real and down to earth. So I guess for me it's all about the person, not earning potential. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I prefer to date someone who makes about the same as me (modest and enough to get by). I'm not looking to support anyone so less is out of the question. And if he makes a ton more than me I wouldn't be able to keep up with his lifestyle so we would never make it past the dating part of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 One of my dreams in life has always been to give my future wife the choice of whether or not to stay home with the kids. I've always believed having a parent at home is important, and it's something that I was thankful to have as a child. Right now I am making more than enough to do so and will be able to offer someone that choice. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 To women its all about the money. So cliche. Personally I dont see why a man should give a woman his loyalty and stay with her until she is old and ugly when she wouldn't even have stayed with him in the first place if he didn't make a certain amount of money. If a woman can base her interest on a man's level of wealth and refuse to be with him unless he meets that requirement, then in turn a man can also base his interest on a woman's level of youth and beauty and refuse to be with her when she no longer meets that requirement. Its fairness. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I didn't think there were enough inflammatory threads on this forum today. This made me smile. My personal requirement is that the guy be able to modestly support a wife and a couple of kids... Something I should be able to do in a few years, in my career; therefore making it, in my mind, a reasonable expectation. IMO that translates to a salary of about 120k per year in my area, the key word being, modestly. Wow, I don't know many people making close to 120K here! Every area is different, though. Hubby makes quite a lot by my book, and he still doesn't quite scratch 6 figures out (we easily do together, and I make a little more than half what we makes, and I think we're fairly rich -- upper middle class where we live for sure). I never had earning requirements beyond "must support himself". I did have requirements for if I was going to marry someone and have children (I'm ambivalent to children but would've had them with a man who wanted them and dated many baby-crazy men before meeting hubby) but it was more around they need to make, say, 60K by the time we had a child, so we'd crack 6 figures with my teaching salary and could scrape by for a year without me working for the baby. Most of the men I've dated exceeded this. Though in this area, you can get a very nice house for half a mil easily (less with the current market) and the cost of living is average for the nation, not a high cost city. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Ideally, I'd like to be a kept man, and not have to work at all, just piddle around all day outside and write. Not holding my breath. Maybe I need to go down to Boca Raton and hang out in restaurants during the early bird special. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 To women its all about the money. So cliche. Personally I dont see why a man should give a woman his loyalty and stay with her until she is old and ugly when she wouldn't even have stayed with him in the first place if he didn't make a certain amount of money. If a woman can base her interest on a man's level of wealth and refuse to be with him unless he meets that requirement, then in turn a man can also base his interest on a woman's level of youth and beauty and refuse to be with her when she no longer meets that requirement. Its fairness. You're insane if you don't believe that some men are already doing this. You can see it all over this board. 30ish year old men that have never had a girlfriend who refuse to even look at someone less attractive than they believe themselves to be. They won't touch someone 20 lbs overweight with a a 30 ft pole yet sob to themselves because the desireable women won't even give them a look. It happens. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I did have requirements for if I was going to marry someone and have children (I'm ambivalent to children but would've had them with a man who wanted them and dated many baby-crazy men before meeting hubby) but it was more around they need to make, say, 60K by the time we had a child, so we'd crack 6 figures with my teaching salary and could scrape by for a year without me working for the baby. I should add: I think I kind of always leaned a little more towards "not having kids" and this was likely more just about my thinking on that. I never wanted to sacrifice TOO MUCH financially for kids I didn't feel a deep need to have was all. So this was less about money, probably, and more about children. FWIW. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I feel bad for spookie she does a boring job she doesn't like and dates men she has no respect for all because of money. Although people like her make it easy on people like me, its just a game I'd wrather not be playing. Wish more people would wake up to my reality. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 When you are younger, you look at someone's earning potential. When you are older, you look at their earning history. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Many women date two types of guys: --The guy she is with BECAUSE he checks off all the boxes on her list; --The guy she is with DESPITE THE FACT that he checks off ALMOST NONE of the boxes on her list. The OP spookie herself is a prime example of this type of woman. Anyway, I'd much rather be the latter type of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 For the women who make enough to support a family (modestly), doesn't that give you more flexibility in choosing a mate? He can come to the table with other skills and strengths, and a smaller salary, because you've got the high salary part covered. If the magic number is 120k, for instance, why would you both need to make that amt? You could each make 60k, and still get by. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I make about 40k a year. If I go back for more tech certs, I could bump it up to 60k. I'd love a guy who made equal to me, since I live rather modestly and splitting our living expenses means we could have a pretty comfortable lifestyle. I've always said I either want a guy who tolerates his job but does well money wise (I think somewhere in the 60-70k range, which is about the starting salary of a computer programmer fresh out of college; I don't think I'd want anything wealthier) or a guy who LOVES what he does but it doesn't pay well (think 25-35k range.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 You're insane if you don't believe that some men are already doing this. You can see it all over this board. 30ish year old men that have never had a girlfriend who refuse to even look at someone less attractive than they believe themselves to be. They won't touch someone 20 lbs overweight with a a 30 ft pole yet sob to themselves because the desireable women won't even give them a look. It happens. Of course it happens. Thats why all I was saying was that its justified for a man to not show loyalty and actively always seeks to trade in his partner for a younger and more beautiful model because on the other hand women also judge a man's desirability on his level of wealth. So its fair. Women should not demand unconditional love when they themselves arent capable of giving that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 For the women who make enough to support a family (modestly), doesn't that give you more flexibility in choosing a mate? He can come to the table with other skills and strengths, and a smaller salary, because you've got the high salary part covered. If the magic number is 120k, for instance, why would you both need to make that amt? You could each make 60k, and still get by. A good point. I will make likely somewhere around 40-80K all my life (range for areas more than jobs). Anything higher is tougher to crack in education or nonprofits. There's a chance in administration or research I'd do better with my PhD (area-dependent too, of course). I don't feel like that's enough to support a child on my own comfortably and send him/her to college (which I'd really want to do since my parents never sent me and I had to go on my own), but it's more than enough to live comfortably. Honestly, since we're not having kids, I wouldn't care if hubby made as little as 20K if we stayed in our area where the total salary was still enough to live well, as long as he was working towards his goals. Though hubby has major student loan debt so he probably couldn't get away with a job that paid that little. Income vs. debt is a bigger issue too, isn't it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Many women date two types of guys: --The guy she is with BECAUSE he checks off all the boxes on her list; --The guy she is with DESPITE THE FACT that he checks off ALMOST NONE of the boxes on her list. Well yeah, "date" is kind of a vague term. I should have said that some of them go on dates with and marry the former kind of guy while they CHEAT WITH and OBSESS OVER the latter kind of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Its funny how women who say they dont care how much money their husbands make are always "COINCIDENTALLY" married to men who make more if not a lot more than they do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 It's more important to me that she has 1) brains 2) work ethic rather than how much she's actually making. It's also important to me that she's not so "career oriented" that she doesn't have time to do fun things and recreate together. Having matching work hours is a plus. It's also important to me that she has job benefits (i.e. insurance) and is smart with how she saves/spends her earnings. Besides these things, I figure we can modify our lifestyle to work within our budget. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 It's more important to me that she has 1) brains 2) work ethic rather than how much she's actually making. It's also important to me that she's not so "career oriented" that she doesn't have time to do fun things and recreate together. Having matching work hours is a plus. It's also important to me that she has job benefits (i.e. insurance) and is smart with how she saves/spends her earnings. Besides these things, I figure we can modify our lifestyle to work within our budget. tman not you too. I thought you were all James Bond like me out playing spy games. Has to have health insurance ahahaha. Omg if I knew you dumped a girl you liked because she didn't have health insurance I'd probably wipe my butt on your tv screen. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Its real simple, if you are a guy and want a woman that is attractive, at least have a decent job with high income potential in the future where you can support a family. If you are a woman and want a financially secure man, throw away the donuts, keep in shape, dress nice, and dont have a batch of puppies from some other dude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 tman not you too. I thought you were all James Bond like me out playing spy games. Has to have health insurance ahahaha. Omg if I knew you dumped a girl you liked because she didn't have health insurance I'd probably wipe my butt on your tv screen. Hahaha Dust, you say this now, but if you're in a close relationship with someone and they don't have insurance, and they have to go to the ER for some reason, then all of the sudden you guys have a $15,000 (minimum) hospital bill sitting in your lap. And if you think that this would be "just her problem", then you're delusional, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spookie Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 Well yeah, "date" is kind of a vague term. I should have said that some of them go on dates with and marry the former kind of guy while they CHEAT WITH and OBSESS OVER the latter kind of guy. Actually, if u are referring to the guy I was obsessed with vs. my former bf, one of my main qualms about the guy I was dating was that he was fr less ambitious and financially than the other dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Hahaha Dust, you say this now, but if you're in a close relationship with someone and they don't have insurance, and they have to go to the ER for some reason, then all of the sudden you guys have a $15,000 (minimum) hospital bill sitting in your lap. And if you think that this would be "just her problem", then you're delusional, my friend. They have to treat you and then you just don't pay it. You don't have any old medical bills laying around that you never intend on paying haha? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I refuse to have a relationship with a woman who isn't making at least $450K. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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