What are your earning potential requirements?

[Chocolat]

Im sorry, but I find it stupid for a mans gender role influenced pride to be more important to him than the overall well being of the family.

 

Quality of life would have been loads better if you didnt give up your career. Not to mention a hefty college fund for the kids, savings, retirement fund, etc

 

I have an incredible relationship with my kids now. And they are awesome kids. I am confident a large part of that is a result of me being there for the last 10 years. And my husband now does very well.

 

Quality of life has a lot of different measures. Only one is the size of my savings account (which happens to be substantial anyway, since I am a good squirrel ).

[carhill]

What are your earning potential requirements?

 

 

Pretty much the same as my father's were for my mother; that she be self-supporting and independent.

 

 

Regarding the thread's direction into cities, my former BIL is a native Chicagoan (my exW's family is from Chicago), is clearly blue-collar and lives quite comfortably, has a rental property and a sailboat slipped on Lake Michigan. He's a lot like I am; no college degree but a jack of all trades. His new wife, whom he met at my SIL's daughter's wedding, worked at our local university and moved back there to live with him. Last I heard, they were doing well.

[EasyHeart]

I'm more concerned with woman's out-go than her income.

 

I make a good living, but I grew up pretty poor and live a modest lifestyle for my income. I look for women whose lifestyle expectations are similar to mine. If a woman thinks that a 4000 sq. ft. house, three cars, a boat, a private plane and an annual Christmas trip to Paris are "basics" (I'm not making this up; it's pretty common among women I meet) then we aren't going to last very long.

[denise_xo]

I didn't think there were enough inflammatory threads on this forum today.

 

We can pretend that money shouldnt matter, but when it comes down to planning a future, especially for those who want children, its foolish not to consider your prospective mates finances. A woman would be a fool to sign up to be both a caregiver, and breadwinner.

 

Please discuss.

 

My personal requirement is that the guy be able to modestly support a wife and a couple of kids... Something I should be able to do in a few years, in my career; therefore making it, in my mind, a reasonable expectation. IMO that translates to a salary of about 120k per year in my area, the key word being, modestly.

 

I don't have any except that I want him to want to work. However, that is more a property of me generally wanting a partner who is independent and motivated to make something out of his life. My H didn't have any kind of spare income when I married him and I've been the bread winner for most of our marriage. I'm fine with that.

[Teal]

We both have everything but money. Since neither of us really wants children (or more than one or two tops), this is even less of a problem.

[brokenTom]

I'm more concerned with woman's out-go than her income.

Yeah folks who spend more then they make on non-essentials is a pretty big turn off for me, especially when they constantly complain about not having enough money. I realize some people are spendaholics so I'm not too harsh about it, but it can be a cause for concern in some cases.

[zengirl]

I'm more concerned with woman's out-go than her income.

 

I make a good living, but I grew up pretty poor and live a modest lifestyle for my income. I look for women whose lifestyle expectations are similar to mine. If a woman thinks that a 4000 sq. ft. house, three cars, a boat, a private plane and an annual Christmas trip to Paris are "basics" (I'm not making this up; it's pretty common among women I meet) then we aren't going to last very long.

 

Oh, goodness, that list sounds exhausting!

[pandagirl]

This was an interesting thread to read.

 

I probably make double what my current boyfriend makes. It's something I do think about. I can't go to fancy restaurants or spur of the moment trips, but having dated men who did make a lot a money, but did not necessarily have other integral characteristics, I can say I would 100% take the right man over money any day.

 

Of course, I'm not going to lie, it'd be nice to have both! But I grew up in a totally middle class household with a SATM. We didn't have fancy cars or go on vacations and I didn't wear the coolest clothes, but they managed to save and put me and my brother through college.

 

I live in NYC, I don't make a ton of money (less than six figures), but I feel like I live the exact lifestyle I want. Of course, I'd like to buy a Chanel bag and jet off to Paris on the weekends, but who doesn't? It's relatively easy to live within your means with a few luxuries here and there if you watch your budget!

[spookie]

How predictable spookie. No surprise you'd give me two of the highest income suburbs in Chicago. Wrong person to try to pull this on.

 

Those are in the direction of where I work, and they're surrounded by equally expensive suburbs.

 

Mundelein. Cheaper, somewhat trashy, haven't looked up any stats but I'm guessing mediocre schools.

[EasyHeart]

Oh, goodness, that list sounds exhausting!

They tend to be pretty boring, too.

[xxoo]

Those are in the direction of where I work, and they're surrounded by equally expensive suburbs.

 

Mundelein. Cheaper, somewhat trashy, haven't looked up any stats but I'm guessing mediocre schools.

 

 

I just did a zillow check of Mundelein, and houses there are cheap! Probably could live there on 50k, easily. Must be some middle ground between that and the 120k lifestyle somewhere around Chicago?

 

Where do the teachers, police officers, nurses, etc live?

[spookie]

For the purpose of this discussion, I think specifics, including my 120k estimate, are irrelevant. The conclusion I am drawing is that most posters believe to expect "middle class" is reasonable, but anything beyond that including "upper middle class" (nice burb, 2 cars, organic food) is "shallow".

 

But aren't these arbitrary lines? Do u draw the same lines for everyone, or is mundelein my personal baseline, based on what I bring to the table myself?

 

What iis unreasonable with expecting a partner to bring enough to the table not do drag down my quality of life?

 

Lastly, please note that the original question referenced "earning potential", not "current salary". I am in my twenties and do not expected the guys I date in my age range to make that much today ( tho some I have dated already do). But I still hold that it is not an outlying number for most educated professionals a few years into their careers. I will admit that if I made a guy who never expected to make that much due to working for some cause he was truly passionate about, that would be a different story, but most people I knwith ping nowhere financially are not pursuing their passions. Thy are dumb, lazy, and/or complacent.

Edited March 23, 2012 by spookie

[Star Gazer]

The question isn't where she could live. It's how much would be required to support a family.

[xxoo]

For the purpose of this discussion, I think specifics, including my 120k estimate, are irrelevant. The conclusion I am drawing is that most posters believe to expect "middle class" is reasonable, but anything beyond that including "upper middle class" (nice burb, 2 cars, organic food) is "shallow".

 

But aren't these arbitrary lines? Do u draw the same lines for everyone, or is mundelein my personal baseline, based on what I bring to the table myself?

 

What iis unreasonable with expecting a partner to bring enough to the table not do drag down my quality of life?

 

In your OP, you specified "modestly" supporting a wife and a couple kids.

 

My personal requirement is that the guy be able to modestly support a wife and a couple of kids... Something I should be able to do in a few years, in my career; therefore making it, in my mind, a reasonable expectation. IMO that translates to a salary of about 120k per year in my area, the key word being, modestly.

 

Upper middle class isn't "modestly" supporting a wife and kids. I'm not accusing you of being shallow, but I don't understand your use of "modest".

[mostlyclueless]

I would still like my partner even if he didn't make a lot of money. But boy, having money sure helps.

[Jeremy87]

I'm more concerned with woman's out-go than her income.

 

I make a good living, but I grew up pretty poor and live a modest lifestyle for my income. I look for women whose lifestyle expectations are similar to mine. If a woman thinks that a 4000 sq. ft. house, three cars, a boat, a private plane and an annual Christmas trip to Paris are "basics" (I'm not making this up; it's pretty common among women I meet) then we aren't going to last very long.

 

spookie and star gazers have high out gos.

[spookie]

In your OP, you specified "modestly" supporting a wife and a couple kids.

 

 

 

Upper middle class isn't "modestly" supporting a wife and kids. I'm not accusing you of being shallow, but I don't understand your use of "modest".

 

I guess my definition of modestly does not mean living in a trashy area, living paycheck to paycheck, and sending my kids to bad schools.

 

My definition is needing to budget, no extravagant purchases or vacations, a normal house in a safe neighborhood with good schools. I don't want to get into an argument of where the line between middle and upperiddle class is, but IMO, such a lifestyle is modest, and it would take about 120k. Certainly, it is above what is average in this country, but I have always aimed for higher than average.

[aj22one]

For the purpose of this discussion, I think specifics, including my 120k estimate, are irrelevant. The conclusion I am drawing is that most posters believe to expect "middle class" is reasonable, but anything beyond that including "upper middle class" (nice burb, 2 cars, organic food) is "shallow".

 

But aren't these arbitrary lines? Do u draw the same lines for everyone, or is mundelein my personal baseline, based on what I bring to the table myself?

 

What iis unreasonable with expecting a partner to bring enough to the table not do drag down my quality of life?

 

Lastly, please note that the original question referenced "earning potential", not "current salary". I am in my twenties and do not expected the guys I date in my age range to make that much today ( tho some I have dated already do). But I still hold that it is not an outlying number for most educated professionals a few years into their careers. I will admit that if I made a guy who never expected to make that much due to working for some cause he was truly passionate about, that would be a different story, but most people I knwith ping nowhere financially are not pursuing their passions. Thy are dumb, lazy, and/or complacent.

 

As with anything, it all depends on how you would feel if finding what you're looking for turns out to be difficult.

 

Finding someone who fits what you're looking for aesthetically, personality-wise, sexually, and in your case financially is hard for basically everyone. It's good to have specifics on what you're looking for, but it can also limit your choices. If you're ok with that, good for you. If not, you might want to do some re-examining.

 

Personally, I'm not sure I even want kids, the idea scares me half to death. If me and my gf do end up having kids 120k or so combined household salary is enough to live modestly by my standards in this area (which is an expensive place to live). But, since it would be nice to have a big house, maybe a yard and a dog we'd probably move out to a smaller cheaper place to live. It just makes more financial sense to me.

 

You just have to ask yourself what you really want in life.

[Jeremy87]

The question isn't where she could live. It's how much would be required to support a family.

 

119k isn't enough to her or you. LOL

[aj22one]

I guess my definition of modestly does not mean living in a trashy area, living paycheck to paycheck, and sending my kids to bad schools.

 

My definition is needing to budget, no extravagant purchases or vacations, a normal house in a safe neighborhood with good schools. I don't want to get into an argument of where the line between middle and upperiddle class is, but IMO, such a lifestyle is modest, and it would take about 120k. Certainly, it is above what is average in this country, but I have always aimed for higher than average.

 

Perhaps this has been answered already but are you talking about 120k combined salary, or the guy making 120k alone?

[Jeremy87]

I guess my definition of modestly does not mean living in a trashy area, living paycheck to paycheck, and sending my kids to bad schools.

 

My definition is needing to budget, no extravagant purchases or vacations, a normal house in a safe neighborhood with good schools. I don't want to get into an argument of where the line between middle and upperiddle class is, but IMO, such a lifestyle is modest, and it would take about 120k. Certainly, it is above what is average in this country, but I have always aimed for higher than average.

 

60k easy for that and if you are skilled financially you could pull it off on 40k.

[xxoo]

I guess my definition of modestly does not mean living in a trashy area, living paycheck to paycheck, and sending my kids to bad schools.

 

My definition is needing to budget, no extravagant purchases or vacations, a normal house in a safe neighborhood with good schools. I don't want to get into an argument of where the line between middle and upperiddle class is, but IMO, such a lifestyle is modest, and it would take about 120k. Certainly, it is above what is average in this country, but I have always aimed for higher than average.

 

Outside of very expensive metro areas, teachers, nurses, and cops making 50-80k manage that kind of modest living. We do it.

[kaylan]

This was an interesting thread to read.

 

I probably make double what my current boyfriend makes. It's something I do think about. I can't go to fancy restaurants or spur of the moment trips, but having dated men who did make a lot a money, but did not necessarily have other integral characteristics, I can say I would 100% take the right man over money any day.

 

Of course, I'm not going to lie, it'd be nice to have both! But I grew up in a totally middle class household with a SATM. We didn't have fancy cars or go on vacations and I didn't wear the coolest clothes, but they managed to save and put me and my brother through college.

 

I live in NYC, I don't make a ton of money (less than six figures), but I feel like I live the exact lifestyle I want. Of course, I'd like to buy a Chanel bag and jet off to Paris on the weekends, but who doesn't? It's relatively easy to live within your means with a few luxuries here and there if you watch your budget!

And youre def the kind of chick Ill be on my knee presenting an awesome ring to one day.

[kaylan]

Outside of very expensive metro areas, teachers, nurses, and cops making 50-80k manage that kind of modest living. We do it.

My ex girlfriend family lived in a suburb of NYC. About 75 Miles north of the city...and 10 miles from where I currently live.

 

Her dad is a retired NYC cop, and mom was a stay at home mom while they all grew up (3 kids) They have a nice 4 bedroom home, thats very roomy, and with a lovely finished basement. The family has 4 cars. 1 car was a miata her dad got for her mom as a present. He has his own toy too...a harley. They were able to get this once he had his new job. He ended up getting a head security job at one of the colleges in the area which allowed his kids to go to school there for free.

 

So basically hes got his pension from the force, and is still working elsewhere so his family can enjoy a little extra now.

 

Point of all this? The guy didnt make loads of money in the force, but he saved up enough money to move to an affordable suburb that was close enough to the city for commuting to work. He did whatever overtime he needed to so he could provide for his family, and then he landed a good job after retiring from the force to get his kids through college.

 

Along with his pension, they are doing alright. They arent rich, and still have bills and car notes and insurance to take care off, but with the right decision making...this man raised his family well. I respect that.

 

If it matters, they are full blooded Italians. So for my ex's parents generation, being a stay at home mom was expected for the women. My ex though wants to work and be a professional, so as far as I know...shes going to be a working woman for most of her life.

Edited March 23, 2012 by kaylan

[veggirl]

spookie, WTF. You want a man to make 120k so he doesn't slow down your lifestyle or impede financially on it. But then you expect him, a single man making 120k, to support you and your hypothetical children until they go to school on his 120k.

 

Sooo. You can impede on his cash flow, but he better damn not on yours?

 

and like a month ago you were cool with running away to Cali to like live in a van with your ex. Okay girl.