My Story of Lust, Abuse, unbelievable but true PART 3

[Itsonlyme66]

The months came and went. We lived together in relative harmony, although I detected moments of irritability and some big time mood swings from Jack.

 

I never knew, when he'd come home at the end of the day, if the mood would be high or low. I began walking on eggshells.

 

Overall, Jack left me and "our" home 14 times in 6 years. Moved out. I mean, left. Taken all his jeans, t-shirts, tools, and just up and left. Reasons cited ranged from: I can't do this I need to live my life and travel to you're a drunk.

 

It was one hell of a way to live. I knew I loved him. I would even study his face while he was sleeping. But the inconsideration! He would put the TV jacked up to full volume at 11:00pm at night when the kids were trying to sleep in the next room. If I asked him to turn it down, he would, but you know it bothered him.

 

If he got angry at me, and I pointed out things he was wrong about, he would either rage at me (I mean spiddling in my face with spit while screaming and turning red 2 inches from my face) or he would give me the silent treatment, shut his phone, not check voice mail messages, or just plain leave. I would try to stop him. I realize now this was a bad move, but I would block the door. I wanted resolution. I wanted to RESOLVE things by communicating with respect. Wasn't gonna happen. It was "F U" "Shut up you are a C*nt" and other choice words. I always could feel that machine starting up inside his head over time, and felt like I had to be extra careful.

 

What a way to live.

 

A few choice good things are pointed out here. This makes me think perhaps he was not a narcissist, nor bipolar. But I don't know:

 

1. He gave a woman with no money his change from his beer (a few bucks) for her gas tank at the convenience store one time.

2. He would randomly bring me flowers from the grocery, or bags of food for the house (I paid the food bill.)

3. He would sometimes tell me I was beautiful.

4. He could tell stories with such animation you were literally held up in the air waiting for the next sentence. Very charismatic, very, very funny.

5. He would share big dreams. He had all sorts of ideas and plans for the future. When I said that would be a great future for you, he would say, no, baby, US.

 

A few choice things that were awful:

 

1. One time I went for a wedding for his niece out of state. We had a tiff about something very minor. I wanted to go across the street to purchase a gift for my mom at the store. He said, "take the keys and go like a mature adult. You don't need me." I wanted some time together. This created such a problem between us that he began pulling all the big guns out. Really attacking me verbally and emotionally. I was in tears. He then stated he would not attend the wedding. Wait a minute. We FLEW here to attend this, were in a hotel, and he didn't want to go now? And this was HIS family. I couldn't believe it. I got ready anyway. We argued the whole time. Finally, at the last moment, he got dressed. We drove in silence to the church. We parked, got there, and he walked 10 paces ahead of me while I followed. He walked up the steep church steps, into the service, and before walking in, he called me like a dog, "COME on!!!! Come on! Attagirl! snapping his fingers together the way you would call a dog to come. I was furious. We got through the service and sat down at the reception with his family. He put his hand on my leg and whispered, "You know I love you." And I wanted to believe it, so I smiled and enjoyed the party. But around 1:30 AM, I got his sister aside and I said, "You realize he's abusive mentally." She said to me, "Well, you must be doing something to upset him."

Big mistake.

I admit it.

 

Another time, about a year or two in, he got rid of his ex-wife's cats that he was supposed to be taking care of and "holding" for her. You know how he got rid of them? He dropped them off and abandoned them in a nicer neighborhood here in town. Nice.

 

About a year in, he told me during one of the first break-ups that he would not have dated me seriously if my family did not come from money.

 

I can't tell you how many times a tiny little argument or disagreement would result in him shutting me out, leaving, shutting his phone and literally sleeping in his truck on the bridge overnight.

 

This man is 50 years old.

 

I can't remember how many jobs he's quit to find greener pastures. I helped him with his cover letters, resumes, everything.

 

He had no tolerance. He admitted it. No patience for anything.

He was always worried his life was passing him by. It made me feel worthless.

[Forever Learning]

Hello!

 

I know a bit of how you are feeling.

 

I spent 16 years with a man who has a Personality Disorder, similar to your man.

 

You will want to educate yourself on Cluster B Personality Disorders. The man I was with has Narcississtic Personality Disorder and is a Psychopath.

 

I believe your man is a Psychopath as well.

 

Education is one step in the process of healing, moving on, and feeling good again. There are many steps. It takes time.

 

You will also benefit from joining a women's abuse support group. Find one near you. You need to talk about your experience with others who understand.

 

You could benefit from being on anti-depressants if you feel you are depressed. Be sure to take a multi-vitamin, along with extra B-vitamins, to help your mood. If you can see a private counselor or therapist, that may help you as well.

 

Here is a link you can begin at, to begin the education process for yourself, it is about surviving life after living with a Narcissist or Psychopath:

 

[COLOR=#660000]Surviving a Narcissist - The Path Forward | Lisa E. Scott[/COLOR]

 

Here's a link on love addiction. You are a Love Addict, by the way. Probably a Sex Addict as well, along with being Co-Dependant. Don't feel bad about it, just get educated and start to heal.

 

[COLOR=#660000]Love Addicts Anonymous[/COLOR]

 

Read every day, all you can, around here and elsewhere. In time you will realize the things you need to do to be free and be happy. God bless you.

Edited March 22, 2012 by Forever Learning

[betterdeal]

Sounds like a pain in the arse kind of abuser.