My Story of Lust, Abuse, unbelievable but true PART 5

[Itsonlyme66]

So we went on, nothing really being solved.... he would call numerous times a day to "check in" with me.

 

I busied myself with the house and my own side business which I have to say, Jack encouraged. He was into it. He helped me, we worked on it together and it was a good business. I still have it. One aspect of the business was me using his truck on the weekends. He always let me, and I was careful to always put gas in to replace what I used.

 

Over this 6 years, one Christmas (2007 or 2008, before things got bad) we got engaged. He bought me an $1100 ring. Beauty! I wore it proudly. I really loved this man, despite his anger issues and lack of tolerance.

But each time we argued, he wanted it back.

It became normal for him to say things like "I don't give a crap!" or "I'm the wrong man for you!"

 

He always vehemently denied ever cheating on me, but I never really believed it. I never had proof of anyone but the ex, but that was enough, considering he loved 3-somes, and he actually got me the the ex-wife the same bouquet of flowers on Valentine's Day (I wasn't supposed to find out about it.) Her card read, "I will always miss and love you baby..... forever."

 

He begged an apology.

That was the last time he ever apologized for anything he ever did to me. That was again, back years ago, maybe 2007.

 

Jack does not apologize, ever.

He feels he has NO problem. It's all his "psycho exes".

 

Everytime Jack walked out on me, I was stuck paying all the bills. He would accentuate, "it's your house, not mine! I only signed onto this mortgage to help you! If you can't afford it, leave! Let the bank take it!"

 

(WE ARE BOTH ON THE DEED BUT HE IS SOLELY ON THE MORTGAGE.)

 

But each time (fourteen in all) that he left over 6 years, I would eventually get back onto Facebook, start talking to old friends, make NEW girlfriends, do my hair, start living again.... going out.

 

It was only THEN that Jack would eventually contact me.

 

Sometimes it was just a hang up phone call on Fri or Sat night after 10pm to make sure I was home.

 

Sometimes it was a text message of a picture of himself saying "HI!"

 

But always some contact after a few weeks.

 

This time, I don't see it happening because I feel he has gone somewhere and found greener pastures with someone new.

 

This last breakup almost killed me emotionally. We had a small spat. I mean SMALL. 3 days before he announced he was leaving, we had no problem that I knew of other than the ongoing ones.... I mean, we were "getting along" ok, and there was no outstanding issue.

We went out for italian food with my mother. I bought. We had a nice dinner in the restaurant although Jack always had very little to say around mom. It wasn't like he embraced being there or anything.

 

The following day I made mention of the leaves needing to be picked up in the yard.

 

I called him Lazy.

He jumped out of bed like a spring was attached to his ass and he said "I don't need this crap in my life!"

 

I got the silent treatment, as I did for hours and days on end SO MANY TIMES in the past years....

 

The next day he was starting a new job. I let him alone. We woke up that morning and I said "good morning" he mumbled hello. I tried to make small talk. He was very curt and short with me. I knew he was still "mad".

 

It must have been 6:30 AM and I was still half asleep. I walked toward the kitchen to heat up my coffee and he stopped me.

 

"I have to tell you something."

"I don't love you. I don't. I'd like to leave."

 

I almost lost my bowels right then and there.

After seeing his granddaughters born in the hospital, going through the death of my father together, moving my mother down here, confiding everything about each other's lives, he did not love me? We had 6 years of FULL memories together, good AND bad.

 

I lost it.

I begged him to stay.

Counseling,

Whatever.

 

No go.

He told me he was quitting his job (brand new job) and was leaving. He said he would not tell me where he was going but it would be local.

 

That last night, he was standing alone in our garage.

He was staring blankly out the window. I went out there as a last-ditch attempt to work it out. I said, "Jack, what if we started over with a clean slate of respect on both parts. We have 6 years invested. Good and bad. We have a history worth working on. I love you."

I said this 10x.

No response. He looked past me. He turned his back on me. Silence. At one point, he looked over my head and WHISTLED a song.

 

I cried, begged, and finally, got very mad.

The next day came.

I "helped" him pack. I threw his clothing into the driveway and told him to go to hell. I was in tears.

He was dead silent. He said for him, it was over.

 

He drove away, having quit his brand new job.

He went to visit his son in NC. Stayed there a few days. He called me while he was there, letting it ring and hanging up numerous times when I would answer (to be sure I was home, I guess).

 

When he got back to down he told me via email he signed a one-year lease in a crappy part of town. That he hated his place. It was a studio apt with a hot plate for a stove and a mini fridge next to his bed and he blamed me for everything.

He then wished me the best and said he would always remember how terrible our relationship was.

Like it was all me.

 

There is nothing more that I wanted than to work through things. It was impossible.

 

I have not talked to Jack in any way shape or form for over a week.

 

I used to ask him, "WHY do you contact me once I start getting over you?"

His response? "We aren't fighting then and i miss you."

 

This time, he doesn't miss me.

I think he's moved on. He won't even say where he's living.

 

I thank anyone who read all of this.

I needed to purge it.

I'm lost like a deer in the headlights and am trying to pay JACK'S mortgage alone while he's God knows where.

 

I'm heartbroken. I can't believe he's making me out to be the monster.

I know I will never hear from Jack again.

 

The last communication I had with him was where he sent me the mortgage bill, since he still gets it monthly.

 

In it, he put a magazine article page that referred to my favorite TV series. He wrote, "Season two should be fun to watch for you!" and put a smiley face.

 

I can't make heads or tails.

 

Please I'm asking can someone help me here?

What was I dealing with?

Is it my fault?

Is he gone for good?

He sure seems like it in his emails that he will never come back here again to "entertain the neighbors" (I think he is shamed).

 

He said good luck, it's over, thanks.

 

I feel no closure and feel like I am going crazy every day. I hate getting out of bed in the morning and fall asleep with anxiety.

 

I am seeing my counselor for it, but I wish I knew what I was dealing with.

 

I have heard the saying, Abuse begets abuse. I didn't want to abuse him! I loved him very much and only wanted to resolve our issues.

Was it my fault for loving him too much?

 

Does he even think of me?

I need some words here, please.

thanks.

THE END

[TaraMaiden]

Mills & Boon will never buy this.

 

and judging by the amount of responses - neither does anyone else.

 

this is just too much, even for us to digest.

If you really think we're going to waste time going through 5 separate threads you have unrealistic expectations.

 

you need to separate, go no contact and never see him again.

 

and trust me - everyone else will say the same.

Because anything that takes 5 separate posts - isn't worth the paper it's written on.

[BewitchedandBothered]

If this is a genuine post, the guy sounds like a real tool; too many mind games. 6 years means nothing if it was full of games.

[Itsonlyme66]

You know what?

I'm sorry this took 6 posts.

And no, I don't expect the majority of you to sympathize, empathize, none of it.

 

I went 6 years with no empathy. But to say you don't believe it?

Every word is true as sure as I am sitting here typing this.

 

I thought this was a place to come for advice.

I'm so sorry.

[TaraMaiden]

You know what?

I'm sorry this took 6 posts.

Ask yourself why.

why did it take so many?

this is truly the first time i have seen such an epic piece of work.

but honestly - it wasn't necessary.

always go for the synopsis.

apart from anything else - it's in the community guidelines.

 

And no, I don't expect the majority of you to sympathize, empathize, none of it.

what do you want from us then?

Because really, it's all done and dusted really, isn't it?

you know what needs doing....

 

I went 6 years with no empathy. But to say you don't believe it?

Every word is true as sure as I am sitting here typing this.

where has anyone said they don't believe it?

 

I thought this was a place to come for advice.

I'm so sorry.

It is - but honestly - nobody's going to trawl through 5 long, separate posts. and they do ramble.

It's unnecessary, honest.

everything that needed to be said, you could have done in one.

People don't take things like this seriously..... they give up on anything more than 3 paragraphs, because truly - nobody wants to work that hard.....

what makes you believe we should?

[Itsonlyme66]

I didn't know what mattered, or what didn't.

That is why it was so long.

 

but this response isn't, and I apologize.

 

Not that it matters "what" I was dealing with her, but for ME I need to know. I really feel I need to.

 

Was it bipolar, narcissism? Am I the bad one here?

What the hell just happened for the past 6 years? I figured the more info the better.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I didn't know what mattered, or what didn't.

That is why it was so long.

 

but this response isn't, and I apologize.

 

Not that it matters "what" I was dealing with her, but for ME I need to know. I really feel I need to.

 

Was it bipolar, narcissism? Am I the bad one here?

What the hell just happened for the past 6 years? I figured the more info the better.

 

He sounds very controlling---not sure about bipolar, but controlling and extremely narcissistic, devoid of empathy.

[Forever Learning]

Hello!

 

I know a bit of how you are feeling.

 

I spent 16 years with a man who has a Personality Disorder, similar to your man.

 

You will want to educate yourself on Cluster B Personality Disorders. The man I was with has Narcississtic Personality Disorder and is a Psychopath.

 

I believe your man is a Psychopath as well.

 

Education is one step in the process of healing, moving on, and feeling good again. There are many steps. It takes time.

 

You will also benefit from joining a women's abuse support group. Find one near you. You need to talk about your experience with others who understand.

 

You could benefit from being on anti-depressants if you feel you are depressed. Be sure to take a multi-vitamin, along with extra B-vitamins, to help your mood. If you can see a private counselor or therapist, that may help you as well.

 

Here is a link you can begin at, to begin the education process for yourself, it is about surviving life after living with a Narcissist or Psychopath:

 

[COLOR=#660000][COLOR=#660000]Surviving a Narcissist - The Path Forward | Lisa E. Scott[/COLOR][/COLOR]

 

Here's a link on love addiction. You are a Love Addict, by the way. Probably a Sex Addict as well, along with being Co-Dependant. Don't feel bad about it, just get educated and start to heal.

 

[COLOR=#660000][COLOR=#660000]Love Addicts Anonymous[/COLOR][/COLOR]

 

Read every day, all you can, around here and elsewhere. In time you will realize the things you need to do to be free and be happy. God bless you.

[Forever Learning]

You know what?

I'm sorry this took 6 posts.

And no, I don't expect the majority of you to sympathize, empathize, none of it.

 

I went 6 years with no empathy. But to say you don't believe it?

Every word is true as sure as I am sitting here typing this.

 

I thought this was a place to come for advice.

I'm so sorry.

 

No need to be sorry!

 

I believe you entirely. I also understand what you went through.

 

And, I am not in the least bit irritated regarding the length you went in writing your story.

 

Please find a womens support group for abuse survivors. Call a local women's shelter, they can help you locate one.

 

You will need to attend the meetings for years, to learn about yourself, and learn about life, and how it should be. It should not be the way you have lived it. I do understand. Now it's time for you to heal and eventually help others who experience a similar situation.

 

You can do it. God bless you.

[Itsonlyme66]

thank you.

I'm really trying to refrain from calling or contacting him, although I have so much more i want answers to.

 

but I guess I have the answers.

I just will never hear it from him.

 

I will never be validated.

He will never acknowledge the years I gave.

 

My God, I would have given him a kidney.

 

And I mean nothing.

 

It's hard to fathom for me.

But thanks for listening... one day at a time.

Sometimes I feel like it's one moment at a time.

 

This is very hard.

Again I am sorry it was so terribly long but I was afraid i would leave something out and I wanted someone to tell me WHAT is wrong with him, or if it's me. I know I'm co-dep but what is he? Narc? Bipolar? I mean who leave 14x ???

(and who would take him back 14x besides me, right?)

[rn0408]

thank you.

I'm really trying to refrain from calling or contacting him, although I have so much more i want answers to.

 

but I guess I have the answers.

I just will never hear it from him.

 

I will never be validated.

He will never acknowledge the years I gave.

 

My God, I would have given him a kidney.

 

And I mean nothing.

 

It's hard to fathom for me.

But thanks for listening... one day at a time.

Sometimes I feel like it's one moment at a time.

 

This is very hard.

Again I am sorry it was so terribly long but I was afraid i would leave something out and I wanted someone to tell me WHAT is wrong with him, or if it's me. I know I'm co-dep but what is he? Narc? Bipolar? I mean who leave 14x ???

(and who would take him back 14x besides me, right?)

 

Honestly, he just seems like a scumbag that needs to be euthanized to help this planet....more carbon for the trees. Sounds like a guy that gives us guys a hard name. You deserve better! Get a restraining order. He's toying with your mind to make you think he is the best thing you can get and the only thing you can get.

 

You will find somebody that will protect you well, and hold you tight at night..be patient. Don't go back.

 

My ex I had to block her on facebook, have my friends delete her, and gave her a piece of mind. She probably has a voodo doll of me but she was not doubt BPD.

[pie2]

I'm sorry for your pain.

 

I'm sure that you and the therapist have a better idea, but from what you've described, he may have some degree of Antisocial Personality Disorder.

 

Antisocial personality disorder - PubMed Health

 

BUT...I really think that you should focus on yourself, and why, as you mentioned, you did things like take him back 14 times. You really can't keep pointing fingers at him as the culprit in all this. It's kind of seems like you think you need to suffer, like you feel you deserve the pain/humiliation for some reason. So, I would get to the bottom of that, before spending any more energy on his motivations.

[Itsonlyme66]

I totally agree. Why did I always pick up the phone a month after his disappearing acts with open arms??

 

It's good to hear there are men out there who really will hold me tight at night and truly be protectors.

 

It's also good to know that I can learn how to do that for myself, to some extent.

 

No worries about him coming back this time. I... "pulled the mask off" as they put it.... he's shamed. I was yelling in the driveway throwing his crap.

 

He took out a 1 yr lease 20 min away from me. He's not even said where it is. He's afraid I will drive by! But I won't. Because that too, is probably a lie. He's most likely not alone, and I don't need to know.

 

I need to focus on getting through this hit and run of 6 yrs.

[fallenenvy]

Im sorry to hear that you went through this and yes i read all the posts...

 

As far as the leaving and comming back i think it makes them feel like they have power over you.. and they also can't stand to see you starting to be ok again without them.

 

I dated an abusive man... not as long as you but still..mine was physical in addition to emotional. (although it seems like yours had a it of that with the sex...)

 

He used to leave me frequently and id beg and pled etc. HE would tell me about another woman he was trying to get with and tell me i couldn't be upset about it.. id start moving on.. seeing the friends he told me i wasn't allowed to talk to.. stopped crying over him.. and THEN he'd call me.. in tears begging me to come back. The cycle repeated many times until i'd just had enough.

 

Sounds similar doesn't it? At least now you are out...i really have no advice to offer as trying to analyze this man will get you no answers or closure. The simple fact is he is a messed up person with serious issues and you are finally free of that. Work on yourself for now.. just try to be happy again, and when you arn't expecting it you'll find someone else that'll make you happy.. no games.. no bs.. just treat you the way you are supposed to be.

 

So sorry you went through this.. i wish we could rid the world of all the scumbag men...