My Story of Lust, Abuse, unbelievable but true EPILOGUE

[AshleighL]

That is exactly how I look at my ex. I know how hard it is to believe that they could ever stop loving you when you never stopped loving them and when they share such personal stories with you. For Thomas it was sharing with me that his dad had had a child before got married and had Thomas and his sister. Thomas cried in front of me because he never got to meet his brother, and he said he never wanted to risk that happening to him so he would never pressure me.

I think that maybe that is their way of pulling you in and having you emotionally invest in them. It is what keeps you coming back and what keeps you believing that there is something more, something only you can see, deep down inside.

At least that is how it is for me for sure.

But I guess the only way to see it is that, though the good times are EXCEPTIONAL, the bad times are more real, and honestly, is it worth it?

For me, I still have myself believing that it is beyond worth it, but maybe we can't afford to think like that anymore.

[Itsonlyme66]

I believe they do not think the way we do.

They do not "feel" like "we" feel.

 

I know that Jack checked out of our relationship before he actually left. Probably checked out months before. And he had a history of leaving me high and dry. One small argument could mean him sleeping in his truck with his phone off (if I was lucky) or moving out, if I argued back or insisted we resolve it. This last time he moved out on me, it was over leaves in the yard, and it was the demise of the relationship, you know?

 

So I am fairly certain that he was "out" in his heart or mind before he actually announced he was leaving.

 

I have not heard from him in 2 months now. At all. All I receive monthly is the mortgage bill which goes to his PO Box. I still do not know where he is living, and frankly I don't give a ****. I really don't. I'm feeling more and more that his "hiding" from me "like a battered wife!!!!" (oh give me a break with this victim stuff) is in reality more like "I have a girlfriend already to go to and I don't want you to know where I am."

 

I'll never know I guess, and that's fine by me.

 

Dating helps, but truth be told I am in no rush to latch on to anyone. I'm afraid to. In the meantime I'm working out like crazy, 4-5x a week, and I'm trying to keep the bills paid, doing it now solely and without his help. And he's left me holding the bag.... again. what else is new.

 

I do wonder if he ever thinks about me. I really thought I would have gotten a Happy Easter. Every other time, Jack would establish contact over weeks with me. This time, no. So that is why I think this time he has a new source of supply. I also wonder often if I exaggerated the "abuse" Jack handed me, and if I was the problem.

 

And I still wonder a lot if he is a psychopath or really a narcissist.

 

But in the meantime I remind myself that I am capable of going the extra mile for someone I love, and my next serious relationship will be one where it comes back to me. Not where I am the "glue" holding it together.

Exhausting!