10 months of NC

[amethyste]

I'm not sure if I still need to post this in the Coping section – because I almost feel as if nothing happened – but it's been 10 months since I stopped talking to D.! Big yaaaay!

 

I don't have much to say, but here we go:

 

There is this guy at Uni who constantly reminds me about D. They're both smart, funny & charming. Don't get me wrong, they're pretty different, but they share this "good side". So, whenever I talk to this guy, I come to think about D., but the thing is… I'm not sad or angry when I think about him, I have no real resentments, and this peace of mind makes me very happy. Usually, my memories involving him do not provoke me anything (like anger, sadness, melancholy). Sometimes I'm amazed that I know nothing about his life anymore, but these moments are brief – they usually won't last more than 10 seconds, lol.

 

In this whole time I learned how to find joy in focusing on myself. My life doesn't revolve around him anymore. I don't feel dependent at all. I enjoy the time I spend doing all kind of activities, I like studying for Uni, I like shopping (ain't this a surprise, hah) and so on. I think this could be a good advice: take time for yourself, do all kind of things, get busy.

 

Another good advice would be to pretend – pretend you're happy for one day, pretend you don't remember anything. I'm not sure how healthy this is, but you can try it and see. Days will become weeks, weeks will become months, and soon you won't be able to tell the difference anymore. Truth is, as time passes by, you'll feel better. I believe time is the key. After one day has passed, so will the others.

 

You should also stop thinking over and over again about what happened, about what makes you feel sad or desperate. You know, experts believe that traumatic events are stored differently in our memory than normal ones, they have a bigger impact upon us. I think you can work on this the other way round – try to let go of every bad memory of your break up, try to see it as less traumatic as possible; this way you can move on faster. Dwelling on sadness is no bueno.

 

In the end, I'd like to say that personally, I now see that my ex wasn't right for me. I know I could not have been happy with the real him in my life. With the good version of himself, maybe; with him, no. I stopped idealizing him, so now I see him entirely different. I don't consider myself guilty… although I could have ended everything sooner. I think that's all, because as I was saying, I don't really think about it anymore.

 

Life is nice

[BewitchedandBothered]

thanks so much for that positive update:) It came easy to not contact my ex because during the poor excuse of a relationship, he did most of the contacting/initiating. After the fictional character of himself disappeared and the jeckyll/hyde emerged, I was verbally and mentally abused; he would start arguments and I swear he seemed to enjoy getting me angry.

 

He didn't offically dump me===i found out he was on several dating sites looking for his soulmate *he called me his soulmate* while still with me. When I confronted him he said he was so done with me, called me terrible names, etc. said I was spying on him and was a psycho.

 

So, it was easy to not call or text, but...months passed and he contacted me twice via text. I did not respond. that Was August. I found out in January he is with someone new and now is supposedly in love. I can't help but wonder which personality she will end up with; the sweet one or the Jeckyll and Hyde, like I had to deal with.

[lovesickmonkey]

Glad things are looking up.

[cerridwen]

Lovely, ame!

Glad to hear you're bouncing back nicely, kitten.