ridinbikes247 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I found out my Wife of 5 years had been talking to my friend over the past year. I left her in the middle of FEB. because she treated me like garbage. Last night I had a "person" inform me that my wife called my friend last year drunk and said "Im drunk, lets have some fun" I called my friend and he admitted she called him one night drunk and he DIDNT invite her over. He also admitted that my wife messaged him on facebook last year and they chit chatted about small things like GYM memberships, his g/f, there favorite clubs, just stupid crap.....I know I have been apart from my wife for 7 weeks now, but I HAD to ask and get her side of the story. I asked my wife and she said "I was drunk with my friends. We were just playing around. Nothing happend". - I also asked her why she started messaging him last year and never told me they talked. she said "just innocent talk and needed someone to talk to" She swears on the bible and looked me straight in the eye that nothing happend. I really dont believe it. If you think your Wife cheated on you, would you END it completly ? NO friendship or anything ?We have a 4 year old son so it will be hard. But an example is ... today she called and tried to make "small talk" and I just told her I was busy...She says "fine if you dont want to talk what ever" What if she really is telling the truth and she just messaged him for "attention" just to see if she could get my friend Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Hmm, this is a tough one. There is no real proof that anything happened, and the text does not explicitly say that "fun" meant that kinda fun. I myself personally choose to distance myself from a bf/husband's friends out of respect for their friendship, so it seems odd to me that she was messaging him, unless they developed a friendship that you were not aware of. In that case, a bit of a red flag that you didn't know about it. Truth is, you may never know the truth in this case. To me, if my gut thinks they cheated then they busted the trust bond and it's over, point blank. The gut doesnt lie. I would never, ever be in any sort of relationship with a cheating spouse. No friendship at all, they don't deserve it in any way. Break the trust and it's gone forever to me. You can still speak to the them about children, but that's it. I personally found out that my daughter's father was unfaithful throughout our entire relationship. I found out a yr and a half after it was over. It was a shock to have him admit to it, however I had a gut feeling there was something going on the whole time. What does your gut tell you? Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 What if she really is telling the truth and she just messaged him for "attention" just to see if she could get my friend The relationship is over so this doesn't matter anymore. If she cheated, you knowing about it isn't going to benefit you. What can you do about it now? Not much. You don't have to be friends with her if you don't want to be, but you really should remain civil and pleasant with her for the sake of your kid. Punishing her for something she may or may not have done isn't productive. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I think she might have tried, but got shot down. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I asked my wife and she said "I was drunk with my friends. We were just playing around. Nothing happend". - I also asked her why she started messaging him last year and never told me they talked. she said "just innocent talk and needed someone to talk to" What, she has no female friends or family to talk to? No, she is/was crushing on your friend and wanted to have sex with him. Sorry but that excuse just doesn't fly. Link to post Share on other sites
brokenTom Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 If it's only a gut feeling I wouldn't go around telling her and others that she cheated on you, it paints you as a desperate victim. IMHO I also wouldn't end it completely. If you ask her about it and she says she didn't do it, it's your choice whether or not to trust her. If you simply don't trust her, then you need to decide if it's worth trying rebuild trust or let it go. If it's worth holding onto the relationship, perhaps for the benefit of your children, then going to a counselor to talk about the issue may be beneficial. She may come clean there, or you may find out it's something else. You never know, sometimes people open up during those sessions and healing between two partners can begin to occur as a result. If she refuses to go to counseling, even for the sake of your child, then it's pretty clear IMO where her priorities are. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I myself personally choose to distance myself from a bf/husband's friends out of respect for their friendship, so it seems odd to me that she was messaging him, This is what a good wife who respects her husband does. This is what I do. I would never, ever be in any sort of relationship with a cheating spouse. No friendship at all, they don't deserve it in any way. Break the trust and it's gone forever to me. You can still speak to the them about children, but that's it. I'll second that. I don't think I could ever feel the same way about my husband or trust him again if he did what your wife did. You're in a tough situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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