love021705 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Hello, I've never posted on a forum before and was just wondering if anyone here is in an open marriage and had any advice as to how their friends reacted to finding out. My reasoning for asking is because my husband and I recently after a nice long talk have decided that an open marriage would be good for us. We just wonder how we are going to explain it to friends (in this small town) when we are out with someone else that yes we are still together we just happen to be seeing other people now as well. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I was in an open marriage 25 years ago. I have posted often here about it and its impact; i.e., it failed miserably and subsequently caused my divorce. Originally - amongst friends - everyone knew because those were the people were were sleeping with so there was no need to explain to people. As far as your original question, I think it is fraught with potential disaster. For starters, why do you have to explain to people that you are seeing other people? What is it in your need to explain to anyone what you are doing and why when it is only about you, your spouse, and whomever you and your spouse are seeing? By even alluding to the fact that you are seeing other people, you are going to start a train wreck of gossip which could cause huge problems later. I am curious why you believe having an open marriage will be good for you, how long you have been married, and what your ages are.... It would provide insight to me that I can expand upon my own experiences and why it was an ultimate catastrophe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love021705 Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Carrie, thank you for responding and after I posted I realized I kind of answered my own question that it doesn't matter what people think, this is aboutus. Why it would be good for us is that it feels right and we both enjoy thecloseness we have after seeing each other pursue another person much in the waywe pursued each other. It seems to liven us up alot. We have been together 7 years and married 6 of those years. As to our ages heis 47 and I’m 31. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 I've never been comfortable with the term "open", whether it be a relationship or marriage, as it's usually at the request of one and the agreement of another. That is, one half of the couple wants the relationship to be open, and the other just accepts it for fear of losing that person. This often leads to a bitter end eventually. Obviously everyone's different and if you and your husband are truly happy with this then I wish you all the best. Just keep in mind that actions speak louder than words, so although you both may have said you're happy with it and can handle it, it will be in your emotions and how you both act that the truth will be come out. Maybe you can make this last, but only time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 at one point there will be Jealousy. at another point, excessive emotional involvement on the part of someone you're 'swinging' with..... you may feel fine, but you could be on the path to destroying the lives and emotions of other people. If you're going to have an open marriage, you have to set down a very rigid set of ground rules, and agree to stick to them. After all, marriage is a legally binding contract, which is only dissoluble by Law. why should you not set down some similarly clear 'rules' for this? this would be for you two, not a third party - but you must ensure that you take precautions against using and manipulating, or harming other people. good luck with this..... Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) Usually when one partner suggests an open marriage It's because they have taken the initiative and have already begun one. They almost never, ever, never work well long term. People just don't share well. Divorce now well you still get along well enough to make it amicable. One option might be multiple partners of one gender or the other, but never both, cohabitation may have more success than an open marriage but the jury is mostly out on that one too. Edited March 23, 2012 by oldguy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 We have been together 7 years and married 6 of those years. As to our ages heis 47 and I’m 31. I'm thinking, '7-year-itch'...anyone else thinking '7-year-itch'? "What can we do to spice things up a bit? it's gone a little hum-drum, a little stale, a little 'flagging interest' and boredom.... we're not the same as we used to be, what shall we do to try to get that back....? I know - !Let's commit adultery, mutually, and see how far it takes us!" If someone hasn't strayed already, it means it's crossed their minds, and they're looking for approval, rather than do it behind the other person's back, and have to hide it/feel guilty... Tell us.... who of you two actually voiced the 'open marriage' suggestion first? which one of youm actually put it on the table - subtly or otherwise - for the othher person to consider...? You can't have both been thinking the same thing, surely...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 The new social revolution; open marriage, cohabitation, communes, free love... oh ya the 60's, I remember now, it crashed & burned then too. But I'm sure you can do better than a bunch of hippies. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Hello, I've never posted on a forum before and was just wondering if anyone here is in an open marriage and had any advice as to how their friends reacted to finding out. My reasoning for asking is because my husband and I recently after a nice long talk have decided that an open marriage would be good for us. We just wonder how we are going to explain it to friends (in this small town) when we are out with someone else that yes we are still together we just happen to be seeing other people now as well. I've been in an open M for 25 years. We live in a large city, so our situation is not the same as yours. But, for us, how it works is our good friends know, and we don't worry about other people seeing us with someone else. We just smile, say hello, whatever we would usually do. We typically also do things as a couple with the "someone else", so people are likely to see the 3 of us together. If you post in the marriage forum, you will likely get more responses, but I'm not sure if any will actually address your question, given what I have seen here on LS for people posting about open M. This thread posted some links which you might find useful too: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/loveshack-org-questions-comments/324015-why-there-no-open-relationship-polygamist-sub-forum Link to post Share on other sites
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