tommycapnpants Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 she left me today. it hurts. all the time invested, all the money spent to bring her out her those times (even though money is not important in these matters). knowing now, that in this new city, i am alone because i holed myself up and did not pursue a separate life...because i wanted to save everything for her. i understand though. she is young, 22 and i am 31. the age difference was hard when we lived in the same city, but multiplied by space and time it became too much. god, i feel so lost and alone. Link to post Share on other sites
NoneoftheAbove Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I feel your pain buddy, youngings are so wild these days. Times changin', I just hope you can get over it soon. Don;t beat yourself up, you've done everything you could to save this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 22, 2012 Author Share Posted March 22, 2012 its my own fault really. i left austin and came to vegas for work and to get away from her. a month after getting to vegas we reconciled and she came out. i told myself not to jump into it again but i did. i thought were strong enough to get through a LDR. we had plans to move to Florida this summer, her for school and me for my job. i have a booked ticket and vacation rental on south padre island next friday that we were supposed to spend 4 days...and now this. i don't know why it hurts so much when i understand where she is coming from. i mean hell, i was 22 once. lots of ups and downs in our relationship. the miscarriage in september was the worst. yet, i still feel some peace knowing that she will grow, as i will too. and maybe, we will cross each others paths yet again and for good next time. Link to post Share on other sites
bradc Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Tommy - this is my first post in LS and I can totally understand what you're going through man....I myself am in an LDR and live in this constant fear of losing her...I get scared when things seem to cool down a bit or we don't talk for a few days over the phone. We pretty much have the same kind of age difference as you had - so I fear if someday that becomes the reason for the separation. Anyways life moves on buddy, even though I can feel how hard it is for you now, just try to get over with it as soon as possible and I totally know it's not so easy as it sounds. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I'm sorry Tommy, heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the world, and trust me I've been there big time. LDR's are bl*ody hard for most couples, some find it harder than others, some have better circumstances than others. Age difference won't help. Pretty sure I wouldn't enter into one again. It's hard leading a double life. Just try to rebuild your life, and never make a partner the only important thing in your world. Take good care, and let us know how you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 thank you for the support everyone. it really means a lot. heartbreak is probably one of the worst things in life. a question. i am thinking about writing a letter, not in hopes of reconciling, rather just a letter saying that i understand...that i was 22 once and know the confusion and hesitation to commit. i did the same thing when i was her age to someone else (but i wont add that in the letter). i just want her to know that i am not angry, i am sad yes, but i am not angry at her. we ended it very cordially. but, i really want to express my understanding and let her know that i will be there. i want to her to know that i am happy, in a way, that she will be able to grow and really know what she wants. any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Letters can be good, otherwise you walk away feeling there's stuff unsaid and it feels like there's no closure. I did this when my ex left me after 18 years, and he did appreciate it. It was a loving and understanding letter and also saying I understand your reasons for leaving, and that he is a wonderful person (he is) and deserves to be happy. I think you're hoping maybe one day she'll come back to you, when she's done a bit of growing up? But there's no guarantees, please don't waste your life away hoping for that, I did that for 6 months with my ex, we kept meeting up each week (we'd lived together for 17 years), in the end I stopped all contact for a while, so I could move on emotionally, didn't take long, we're friends now, see each other every other week. Who knows what the future brings, none of us know that, but just don't bank on something which quite possibly won't happen Keep posting here, feel free to PM me if I can help in any way. thank you for the support everyone. it really means a lot. heartbreak is probably one of the worst things in life. a question. i am thinking about writing a letter, not in hopes of reconciling, rather just a letter saying that i understand...that i was 22 once and know the confusion and hesitation to commit. i did the same thing when i was her age to someone else (but i wont add that in the letter). i just want her to know that i am not angry, i am sad yes, but i am not angry at her. we ended it very cordially. but, i really want to express my understanding and let her know that i will be there. i want to her to know that i am happy, in a way, that she will be able to grow and really know what she wants. any thoughts? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bradc Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Tommy - buddy, you can send a letter to her and say what you have in mind...I'd refrain from using any words that could make it feel like trying to put the blame on either her or on myself...just take it as a relationship that didn't work...very unfortunate and heartbreaking but it's the fact. I'd wish her luck and happiness all her life and treasure those memories spent together. Also I'd suggest you resist the urge to communicate with her by any means after sending the letter. Let us know how it goes. Good luck my friend! a question. i am thinking about writing a letter, not in hopes of reconciling, rather just a letter saying that i understand...that i was 22 once and know the confusion and hesitation to commit. i did the same thing when i was her age to someone else (but i wont add that in the letter). i just want her to know that i am not angry, i am sad yes, but i am not angry at her. we ended it very cordially. but, i really want to express my understanding and let her know that i will be there. i want to her to know that i am happy, in a way, that she will be able to grow and really know what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 25, 2012 Author Share Posted March 25, 2012 thanks hoh and bradc. i am still on the fence about writing the letter. i mean, i told her i understood when we broke up. i really do not know what else there is to say. i had a vacation rental booked for this friday on south padre island for us. i cant get my money back for it. i already switched my flight to go to new orleans instead now and meet up with old friends. but, i did offer the vacation rental to her mother, as she could use a vacation. so, i hope her mother goes and enjoys herself. jeez, maybe it is time to stop being the nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
MELKEDOODUM Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Thank you for share the information Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 thank you for the support everyone. it really means a lot. heartbreak is probably one of the worst things in life. a question. i am thinking about writing a letter, not in hopes of reconciling, rather just a letter saying that i understand...that i was 22 once and know the confusion and hesitation to commit. i did the same thing when i was her age to someone else (but i wont add that in the letter). i just want her to know that i am not angry, i am sad yes, but i am not angry at her. we ended it very cordially. but, i really want to express my understanding and let her know that i will be there. i want to her to know that i am happy, in a way, that she will be able to grow and really know what she wants. any thoughts? Write the letter but DON'T send it yet. Read the letter after a few hours of waiting to see if you really want to send it. Writing the letter can be very therapeutic for you and I suggest it. Just don't send it yet. You might regret sending a letter with a mad context feel. All honesty, just write the letter but don't send it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Being a nice guy is nothing to do with it, we need more nice guys out there, where would being the bad guy get you?! But yeah you could've used that vacation, hope you didn't do it as a way to impress your ex and get her back If you feel no need to send the letter, then don't, it sounds like you've said it all, so just leave it now. thanks hoh and bradc. i am still on the fence about writing the letter. i mean, i told her i understood when we broke up. i really do not know what else there is to say. i had a vacation rental booked for this friday on south padre island for us. i cant get my money back for it. i already switched my flight to go to new orleans instead now and meet up with old friends. but, i did offer the vacation rental to her mother, as she could use a vacation. so, i hope her mother goes and enjoys herself. jeez, maybe it is time to stop being the nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 you are right i definitely could have used that vacation. but, i think i would have been a sad mess if i went there alone, being that we were supposed to go together. so, i opted to go to new orleans instead. i have lots of friends out there and the city is full of distractions, so to speak. i guess there are two reasons that i just gave the vacation rental to her mom. first, i like her mom she could really use a break from her daily routine. and secondly, i want it to be a sign that i am doing alright and am not bitter about the breakup. i think i will be writing the letter, just to get some things off my chest. i do not know if i will send it or not, probably not. i will have to see how i feel after i write it it. on a side note, i have not contacted my ex at all since last wednesday, the day we broke up. it is hard as hell not to, but i know its the only way for me to heal and how could she start to miss me if i kept in contact. if i know this woman, i know she will reach out. her last words to me were "thank you for understanding. i will always cherish you and remember the amazing times weve had together." so, i have at least that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 ok, so i am thinking about doing something really drastic. i think i am going to fly to austin and confront the situation head on. see her face to face, and see what happens. am i being a ****ing idiot? Link to post Share on other sites
bradc Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I can feel that urge buddy Question:- how did you guys break up? I mean was it face to face or via other ways (phone, text, email)? If it was face to face, then I don't think confronting her again would help, as long as she doesn't express the willingness to do so herself, but if it wasn't in person, then yes, you could give it a shot but I'd still ask her if she'd like to meet and talk about it in person and see if things could be sorted out before flying off there. Situations like these are extremely painful, but at the end of the day, the willingness to make it work should be mutual...that's all I am saying Good luck! ok, so i am thinking about doing something really drastic. i think i am going to fly to austin and confront the situation head on. see her face to face, and see what happens. am i being a ****ing idiot? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 thanks for the reply. we broke up over the phone. one of the reasons was because she felt like she was being pressured to move somewhere, even though she had said she wanted to do so with me. i think at 22 she knows i am a great guy with a lot to offer and that she loves me. but, she is scared to death of commitment. scared that perhaps it would not work out like her mom and dad. i dont know, i am feeling if i show up, and show her that i am willing to travel all that distance on a chance... i am hoping that by seeing me her heart will open up again, like it always does. and hell, i want to tell her that if she is scared then i could easily move there as my job allows transfers, and the distance wouldn't be a factor and her moving wouldn't be a factor anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I don't think anyone can tell you what you should do tommy, I think you know in your heart what is right to do and no-one can tell you otherwise. Does your heart say to you it's a good or a bad idea? Do you truly think it would help if you went to see her, or are you clutching at straws? I think only you know what her reaction would be, as we don't know her. But good luck with whatever you decide, keep us posted ok 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bradc Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 agree with HOH on this - considering you're the one who knows your GF and is aware of your history and your backgrounds, you'd be the best one to decide what's the way forward for you We can only paint up a situation in our minds based on your statements and advise on what WE personally think would work, that may or may not be relevant to you at all. So do what you feel is right to salvage the relationship and work out the confusions and dilemmas. We can only hope for the absolute best for you. Let us know how it goes, we're here for you whenever you need someone to talk your heart out to 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 ok. thank you. i will decide on friday what i am doing and will let you know how it goes. if i go there one of two things will happen. 1. i will make an ass out of myself and make her feel uncomfortable for just showing up. 2. she will see how much i care about her and the seconds thoughts she was having because of the distance will be erased because of my dedication. o hell, 50/50. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bradc Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Hope it all works out for you Tommy Let us know how it goes Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Good luck, Tommy. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Yes, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 thank you for the words of good luck. my phone just buzzed. it was the calendar event that i made a few weeks ago because i was supposed to be flying back to austin tomorrow to see her. this has made me ridiculously sad. i will go to the airport on saturday and then decide on the spot if im gonna change my ticket to go to austin and see her. Link to post Share on other sites
bradc Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Really anxious to know how it goes Tommy Hoping for the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 31, 2012 Author Share Posted March 31, 2012 she sent me a text today " i am truly sorry about this weekend and everything Tommy, i hope you can understand and one day forgive me" i dont know what to say. i dont think i should reply. Link to post Share on other sites
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