em-b's bloke Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Hi all Me and my girl have been married a few months now and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way as me! At the beginning of our relationship in June 2010 I was away working and was only able to see my new girlfriend on the weekends. This went on for 3 months and I would endeavour to be with her every single weekend without fail even though it meant huge travel, but I wouldn't have missed one weekend with her if my life depended on it. I even drove a 400 mile round trip to spend 3 hours with her one night as we'd had a misunderstanding which I wanted to clear up face to face. However, after my work was done and I moved in with her and her kids, everything changed. Whereas before she would literally eat me alive on those gorgeous weekends, she became household-chore orientated and it was almost as if I went from being the weekend fling guy who took her away from her housewife-full-time mum to part of her daily work routine. The passionate sex backed off and we went from days spent in bed to twice a week lovemaking, sometimes less. Luckily for me I was able to recognise instantly what had happened and so understood. She works bloody hard and it's not easy doing a full time job and taking care of 3 kids of differing ages so no wonder she is always tired! I always do my level best to help in any way I can, doing more than my fair share of the work whenever necessary and usually spending my days off cleaning the house etc so that she doesn't have to do it when she comes in and can just get in the bath and relax with nothing to do because I have cleaned, cooked and laundered. She often says she feels spoilt. The thing I sometimes struggle to deal with is why did the passion have to go? I really miss that. We used to have raunchy sex in places other than the bed, all over the house and sometimes outside and she used to make me feel like I was amazing in bed. I still want her the same way as I did when we first met and would do anything to re-ignite the passion but it went for her 3 months into the relationship. Don't get me wrong, when we do get together in bed it is always amazing but I don't feel much passion outside of these times as I did when we first got together. As I have said before, not so much about how many times we have sex but just that feeling of being desired, like grabbing each other when we are out and her just basically letting me know that she fancies me like mad as she did before. We had a short conversation this morning, not a row but chatting about how it has all changed in my eyes. I recently renovated a room in the house for us to spend time in, we did it together, me doing the labour and her picking the furnishings and colour scheme etc and she had her eye on an expensive coffee table. I bought it for her and she said how amazing having sex in that room would be, on said coffee table, new luxurious settee, bean bags in the corner, whatever. That coffee table is used solely for its title, to put cups on. We have never even sat on the bean bags let alone made love on them and we have used the room for this purpose once. As I was saying, we chatted this morning and I said that after the first 3 months I went from being the man who took her away from it all to her husband and that after the 3 months we became an old married couple overnight. She didn't like this comment and said it all sounded very gloomy. Unfortunately though it's true. We go away together as much as we can and as I've said I do as much to help as I can. I don't know what to do. It's never gonna change is it? I'm so sad. Thank you for reading. :(:(:(:(:(:( Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 This sounds like a really good relationship, so please don't despair... I think you're absolutely right - you've gone from 'stolen snatched moments' to run-of-the-mill Mr and Mrs normal. the spice and excitement is gone....women's sex drives are stimulated by different things, so whereas men are more visually stimulated, women unfortunately need a bigger picture package. I would propose counselling, and maybe looking for ways to pep up your relationship in other ways.... the trouble is, if you discuss what would flick her switches with her, once you implement them, she will just begin to think "uh-oh... i know what you're after.....!" there is a technique called 'speaker-listener' which might be useful to you both.... read the link and take what's useful - it may not all apply.... But it sounds like a nice relationship, and it would be great for you guys to be on the same page.... Because I know you've planted a seed in her mind of how right you are.... Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 The passion of a new couple fades. The newness of it all is just that; sex with a new partner. Lasting relationships use depth and closness and the fun times you have together, to create passion. I am not married, but after over a yar with my boyfriend, the passion of the " new" sex, has gone. Because it is not new. Now, what happenes, is we have sex less often, About twice - 3 times a week. What has changed, is the sex is more meaninful, and what turns my boyfriend on is the time we spend together., Rather than the instant sex appeal of a new partner, we find that it is the time we spend together that dictates our sexual drive. WHo we are as people, turn each other on, more than just the physical element. I am just sharing my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Unfortunately, the passion goes... it did in my marriage, but not because of me. I too was very disappointed when it happened, because I loved that - and still do - but I found it very hard to reignite the spark. Maybe counselling would be a good idea, although your relationship seems pretty "normal" to me. Looks like you'll have to put up with your disappointment or go for greener pastures... Link to post Share on other sites
Author em-b's bloke Posted March 22, 2012 Author Share Posted March 22, 2012 Thank you so much for your replies. I think most of you are right in saying that quality time spent together means more and wr definitely do enjoy our weekends away and time alone and she mostly instigates these times due to her family commitments and work. I would be really worried if she didn't want to be with me and probably quite rightly what she feels for me is a deeper loving relationship rather than wham bam! Maybe I'm just being a greedy boy but the way things were when we first got together was out of this world and it's a shame that that side has slid. No way I would ever look to greener pastures, this girl is the only girl for me. Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Isn't it sad when the passion disappears? In other matters, it sounds like you two are very good together. Sex twice a week? Isn't that almost as much as you had when you were long distance? On the weekends? The difference is that you don't get to miss seeing each other and being together. Why the passion fades, I don't know. They say familiarity....blah, blah, blah. What happens when you go away together? Does the passion resurface at all? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 It is not my experience that passion needs to ever leave, but passion--like any fire--must be tended. That can mean planning for time together, and sex, and setting the scene for passion to flame up. A lot of men seem to be disappointed that their wives don't think about sex 24/7, as they did during the honeymoon phase. That's true, we generally don't think about sex 24/7 as guys do--with the exception of the honeymoon phase. But her not thinking about sex doesn't mean that she doesn't feel passion for you once sex gets going. Set the scene, give each other your time, and then see if the passion is really gone Link to post Share on other sites
MELKEDOODUM Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 The passion of a new couple fades. The newness of it all is just that; sex with a new partner. Lasting relationships use depth and closness and the fun times you have together, to create passion. I am not married, but after over a yar with my boyfriend, the passion of the " new" sex, has gone. Because it is not new. Now, what happenes, is we have sex less often, About twice - 3 times a week. What has changed, is the sex is more meaningful, and what turns my boyfriend on is the time we spend together., Rather than the instant sex appeal of a new partner, we find that it is the time we spend together that dictates our sexual drive. WHo we are as people, turn each other on, more than just the physical element. I am just sharing my experience. I just sharing the information.. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts