arwen Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Please help me get some perspective here..... My husband and I have been married three years now. We come from absolutely different family backgrounds, as in, I come from a close knit family who has always stood by me and supported me. I have couple of very close friends as well. On the other hand my husband comes from a family that has given him a lot of pain and grief. I understand the reason why he wouldn't want to trust people, and would like to stay away from people in general & be an introvert. He is over-cautious and many times unreasonably skeptical about my family members & close friends which causes me lot of grief and leads to an emotional drama. Moreover when I try to make him see that his assumptions are unreasonably negative, it appears as though I am taking sides which is not good. However if I don't say anything that is not good either. With this background it is also an effort to get him to do anything in this context (eg: go out for an occasional movie with my friends, talk to my parents or aunt on phone once in a while etc) In general he is extremely distant and for some reason tries his best to form a negative opinion about them whenever possible. While this is one side of it, he loves me very much and is a really nice person otherwise. However these things cause lot of emotional drama. I am very protective about my family members as well as my husband and his unnecessary negative opinions about my family make me feel sad. I thought about this and I guess it could be one of both of these reasons (1) Since my husband's family has been a major negative impact, that is probably the default judgement he uses to evaluate people (2) Unknowingly he could be getting overpossesive about me and unintentionally trying to injure my close relationship with rest of my folks. Lot of the times after a drama he realizes his mistake, however that doesn't seem to create a long lasting change. I have talked calmly about this with him many times, however there is not much change. This issue is particularly tricky since I cannot talk about this to any of my family or friends (I do not want anyone to judge him based on this since by doing that I would spoil both ends of the relationship) I know there is no overnight solution to this problem. However please give me some constructive advice on how to make him see my perspective and voluntarily get along well with these handful of people that mean a lot to me. He is a real good and caring guy and I would like to fix this issue positively. Link to post Share on other sites
lordWilhelm Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 So when you talked to him, how does the discussion go, and what does he say about it? Link to post Share on other sites
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