Suggestions on being more alpha male

[Pacman]

I'll admit it, I'm a pansy.

 

Although I lift weights and train MMA, I don't have that feeling of being "Manly", that alpha male feeling.. I don't mean going around bars picking fights, beating up women or putting people down kinda manly.

 

I want that confident but silent alpha male feeling. I've even contemplated joining the army to get that kind of swagger.

 

There are some men you look at, and you get caught up in this aura that that's what a man should be, even if you can't describe what it is about them.

 

Any suggestions on some things I can do to achieve this?

[Pacman]

Have inner and outer confidence:

 

Inner confidence comes by not caring what others think of you, and never having internal negative self-talk. It also means being calm and balanced in all scenarios. It also means accepting you for you, and if others don't like it, tough.

 

Outer confidence comes from a good/upright posture, strong stride, use of eye conduct, and not putting hands in pockets. One should also speak loudly and clearly, and smile as much as possible.

 

I would also say be the leader in things you do. In work or even leisure activities, be the person people turn to for advice or counsel.

 

I can't be the leader since I work as a medical assistant. I'm the Physicians bitch

[Feelin Frisky]

Firstly, you should value that you are not an a-hole that goes "around bars picking fights, beating up women or putting people down kinda manly". The fact that you don't find yourself of that mettle is a major positive and not a negative or lack of anything. Joining the army will not do anything but force you to endure hierarchical authoritarianism and perhaps produce buy-in into belief that you can put stripes on your uniform or tattoos on your arms that the world must see as your badge of distinction. That in itself is not bravery--not the bravery of self determination and self distinction that can be earned in many more ways than acquiescence to authority and the taking on of authority in the military model.

 

You are obviously young and just haven't "figured it out" yet. I was a first-born in a big brood with a weak dad who had no belief in himself to pass on to me. I had uncles on my mom's side who all put themselves through the military and have led relatively successful lives but mostly none had any alpha to pass on to me. Unfortunately I believed that I could work my way up in the corporation and did my level best on the wrong rungs of the wrong ladders gettting only the appearance of validation while probably being laughed-at as a rube by others pulling down the real bonuses that a life can be built on. Who I really am and what I really stand for didn't strike me until I tore off a placenta of "belief" in my early 30's and realized there is no one any more capable of distinction than me. Then I took on a new school of hard knocks finding out who is full of crap and trying to pass themselves off as Shinola.

 

Alpha is about action. You just have to realize that it's not up to anyone else but you when things break down. Alpha is really much more of theory about natural territorialism and the assertion of might to TAKE what you want. When applied to humans it falls apart and describes many criminals. I myself am what is called an omega male male and don't fret about not showing off what I've conquered. Here's a definition:

 

Omega Males can have friends and close acquaintances but prefer to accomplish things on their own without the help of a group. Omega Males generally don't belong to any cliques and have no desire to be the leader or most outstanding of said clique. Omega Males have relations with people from all groups and carry a resourcefulness and cunning (sometimes strength) to get a job done with their own skill. This being said, an omega male can have great pride without it manifesting as "ego." (There are always exceptions.)

I suggest to you that finding your true self starts with rejecting belief and finding out everything by your own wits. Look at yourself and ask yourself regularly if you are one strength, consistency and purpose or are you a believer who wants someone else to make sense of everything for you. If you find the natural courage to stand alone against the world of popular notion when something seems like it could or should be done better, then you can start seeing where and how your unique insight can make an impact in action. Just keep taking that action and you will distinguish yourself. Good luck.

[ThaWholigan]

Watching this thread closely. Much of the last 6-8 months of my life has been driven by wanting to become more of a man than I am now.

[Dust]

Alpha Males don't exist. What one guy means when he says "alpha" is completely different from what the next guy means. In the study of wolves it just means the parents. So if you want to be alpha like a wolf all you have to do is have kids and start a family. Yes every wolf that survives and starts a family (pack) will be the alpha of the pack created along with the mommy the alpha female.

 

Now in our society people get obssessed with this alpha concept completly leaving out the family aspect the only thing it takes to make an alpha. It's also all about being a man. You rarely if ever here girls going around saying "I'm so alpha!"

 

So now since I have a thing for the word Alpha lets switch it to how to be a confident man. Well I think the most confident thing a person can do is figure themselves out and take action to be the person they want to mold themselves into. The person they want to be as opposed to what they think some one else does. When it comes to girls for me that means being a major fricken perv and having a good time. I'm not saying I don't enjoy cutesy things girls do and heck yeah I'll hold their purse I love holding things for girls... I'm just saying that I'm not going to just put on act cause I want the world and girls to like me. I'm going to struggle and enjoy working hard on what I like working hard on. I actualy think its the laziest thing a person can do to just work a bunch because they say they just want money. F that. I'm about life as a journey not a destination. Fact is if you work hard at what you love you'll be the best you and go the farthest.

[Feelin Frisky]

I'll give you a scenario and ask what would alpha have done. I was on my way to work one day from my apartment (my flat to you blokes) in Brooklyn NY to Manhattan. This was when you still had to buy subway tokens instead of the Metro Card. I was dressed handsomely in a pinstriped suit and am tall but not imposingly so. I pushed a few dollars through the slot to the clerk and this guy on the other side of the slot stuck his hand in, grabbed my money, threw it on the ground and grumbled "wait your turn". I didn't realize it wasn't my turn and my first impulse was to apologize to him which I did somewhere before or during him throwing my money on the floor. Would an alpha grab him by the back of the head and smash his face into the glass and onto the wooden slot base? Or told him to pick up my money or I'll beat your f_c_ing brains in? Or did what I did which was think about those things just then but realize that his rotten demeanor and behavior was no license for me to assault him and throw myself headlong into fisticuffs without thought of possible consequence?

 

Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci would have been pounding that schmuck's face into the ground, but wait, actually Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci would only do that when being pain millions of buck by Martin Scorcese to act like alpha ginnies who don't take no **** from no one.

Edited March 23, 2012 by Feelin Frisky

[Dust]

I'll give you a scenario and ask what would alpha have done. I was on my way to work one day from my apartment (my flat to you blokes) in Brooklyn NY to Manhattan. This was when you still had to buy subway tokens instead of the Metro Card. I was dressed handsomely in a pinstriped suit and am tall but not imposingly so. I pushed a few dollars through the slot to the clerk and this guy on the other side of the slot stuck his hand in, grabbed my money, threw it on the ground and grumbled "wait your turn". I didn't realize it wasn't my turn and my first impulse was to apologize to him which I did somewhere before or during him throwing my money on the floor. Would an alpha grab him by the back of the head and smash his face into the glass and onto the wooden slot base? Or told him to pick up my money or I'll beat your f_c_ing brains in? Or did what I did which was think about those things just then but realize that his rotten demeanor and behavior was no license for me to assault him and throw myself headlong into fisticuffs without thought of possible consequence?

 

Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci would have been pounding that schmuck's face into the ground, but wait, actually Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci would only do that when being pain millions of buck by Martin Scorcese to act like alpha ginnies who don't take no **** from no one.

 

All it takes is violence to win a fight. If a guy pushes you and you wip out a knife and start stabbing him a bunch quickly you'll probably win and kill him. Street fights arn't boxing matches or fair sports. Most violent person wins and really a street fight isn't worth it unless you feel great bodily harm is about to come to you or some one you must protect.

 

If a guy had done to me what you described in your story I would have probably went off on him verbaly. I'm tall like you so I would have probably called him "A little bitch" nice and loud. I'm also the kind of guy to write a corporate letter when some one does something good and the same when some ones a jack ass... not that it would have done anygood to write a letter about that ahole.

 

You beating him up would have only been cool if you got away with it and new you could. Beating him up when it was very likely you'd get arrested over nothing would have made you a weak animal.

 

When a guy goes to put a hand on my girl I will put hands on him though if its in the midst of happening.

[Exit]

Any time I see people asking how to be "alpha" it strikes me as a contradiction, as I feel the first and most important thing about it is that an alpha isn't worried about what category his behavior fits in to and isn't looking for tips on how to be more of a man. It's about being comfortable and confident with who you are. So I'll have to agree with the others who have said let's just make this discussion about confidence in general instead of this "alpha" business. I think that accounts for 90% of the aura you speak about noticing around certain guys, it's just confidence. I think it has a lot to do with self worth. Analyzing it in terms of how many females someone can attract or how many friends someone has is kinda jumping the gun, what really matters is that they like themselves first and foremost.

[pie2]

I think that the first step to becoming an "alpha male" is to shift the focus off what other men have, and putting the focus on to your own strengths. I think you should learn to appreciate the great qualities you already have, and own them.

 

So, let's say you recognize that you are an extremely determined person, someone with a desire to grow and improve, humble etc. Own those traits that you have! Not everyone was made like you, so just really appreciate who you are.

 

Don't try to obtain lots of qualities you think people are looking for...when a guy knows who he is, and is comfortable with that person, I think people gravitate towards that self-assuredness.

[Red Arremer]

When you walk into a room, you have to have the attitude that those big dots are there for you, and not for anyone else. Make those ghosts your b*tch.

[Pacman]

I'm enjoying the responses and suggestions a lot. It's easy to say just be confident and be yourself...actually doing it takes a lot of practice. And to those who don't like the term alpha, fine I get it. I guess I'm asking how to be more of a man. Feelin Frisky after reading your response, I kinda had a calm over my shoulder...somehow knowing that I'm not those things kinda made me more of a man.

 

I'll give you a scenario and ask what would alpha have done. I was on my way to work one day from my apartment (my flat to you blokes) in Brooklyn NY to Manhattan. This was when you still had to buy subway tokens instead of the Metro Card. I was dressed handsomely in a pinstriped suit and am tall but not imposingly so. I pushed a few dollars through the slot to the clerk and this guy on the other side of the slot stuck his hand in, grabbed my money, threw it on the ground and grumbled "wait your turn". I didn't realize it wasn't my turn and my first impulse was to apologize to him which I did somewhere before or during him throwing my money on the floor. Would an alpha grab him by the back of the head and smash his face into the glass and onto the wooden slot base? Or told him to pick up my money or I'll beat your f_c_ing brains in? Or did what I did which was think about those things just then but realize that his rotten demeanor and behavior was no license for me to assault him and throw myself headlong into fisticuffs without thought of possible consequence?

 

Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci would have been pounding that schmuck's face into the ground, but wait, actually Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci would only do that when being pain millions of buck by Martin Scorcese to act like alpha ginnies who don't take no **** from no one.

 

I would've apologized and said Oh I'm sorry but I didn't realize it wasn't my turn. I would said you could've just told me that instead of throwing my money though.

 

In MMA we are taught to never ever get in a fight unless you really need to. This scenario did not warant an ass whooping. Granted I'm only 5'8 and pretty muscular so I don't go around looking for fight. Although I really don't need to prove myself in being more manly via fist fights.

[brokenTom]

I didn't read all the posts so maybe it's already been mentioned, but try these as well...

 

 

• Eat Healthy
  
• Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
  
• Do something you are proud about (IMO medical assistant is pretty a cool gig, but you could also find a hobby and get good at it)
  

[Feelin Frisky]

I'm enjoying the responses and suggestions a lot. It's easy to say just be confident and be yourself...actually doing it takes a lot of practice. And to those who don't like the term alpha, fine I get it. I guess I'm asking how to be more of a man. Feelin Frisky after reading your response, I kinda had a calm over my shoulder...somehow knowing that I'm not those things kinda made me more of a man.

 

 

 

I would've apologized and said Oh I'm sorry but I didn't realize it wasn't my turn. I would said you could've just told me that instead of throwing my money though.

 

In MMA we are taught to never ever get in a fight unless you really need to. This scenario did not warant an ass whooping. Granted I'm only 5'8 and pretty muscular so I don't go around looking for fight. Although I really don't need to prove myself in being more manly via fist fights.

 

I made a gesture of politeness as he reached in and grumbled wait your turn, saying oh, sorry didn't realize you were ahead of me. He didn't make a production out of throwing my money on the ground, he just pulled it out and let go of it and it fell to the ground. I had uttered my impulse to be congenial before I realized what a jackass thing it was that this guy did. It's just not in my nature to explode with the violence and rage you see in a Scorcese flick. I don't feel unmanly for what happened and did the smart thing of considering the potential consequence of just being vengeful. I am not a pacifist but I have a problem with "an eye for an eye" or "the having of satisfication in a duel in response to a slight of station". I take to heart the "turn of the other cheek" as the single ethic that distingushes Chritianity from Islam although I'm an atheist. The power of the gesture implied in the story of Jesus is timeless and valuable but I'm sure I would not have let this man get away with an act of aggression towards my person. I'd have made him very sorry for assaulting me in front of the witnesses of the token clerk and others on the line. But I wouldn't go beyond a punch in the eye and subduing him and waiting for police help. Bashing his face into the ground for my pleasure or kicking his ribs in is not who I am. I don't feel a pansy for saying so. Just a decent and peacful gent.

[LuckyLady13]

Pacman, confidence isn't something you just wake up with one morning because you know you need it, which it sounds like you totally understand.

 

The "alpha" men I've known are usually cool, confident and a bit on the quiet side in a way. They only say something when they're confident in themselves and what they're talking about.

 

You also described wanting to feel like more of a man than you feel like you are today and one of the coolest things about confident men is when they are quick to lend a hand to someone who needs it. That tells people right away this guy is really on his feet and knows what he's doing.

 

Hanging out with a bunch of alpha guys for a while would be the easiest way to pick up all the subtleties

 

One thing though (and not every woman feels this way): If there ever is a reason a guy should swing at another guy...he'd better do it and not back down. If something crazy was going on and my man just stood there? I'd be done with him. There's nothing worse to me personally than a guy who just stands there and doesn't do something when something really needs to be done in certain situations. He has to act when needed. If he stands there or backs down or tries to become a shadow so nobody notices he's there, that makes a guy look beta (or worse) so fast.

 

I'm a strong woman though so I love strong men.

[Feelin Frisky]

A true Alpha would say "sorry, I didn't realise. Go ahead, I won't mind waiting."

 

Answering in that way shows his actions didn't ruffle up the other person, and he is using politeness/civility to reduce the tense scenario. It shows that despite how others act, one is always in control of the situation and cool within themselves.

Well, I guess that makes me alpha then. Thanks. I have to ID with omega though until I get a harem and father a generation (and time is waning).

[betterdeal]

Why do you want to be more alpha male? Be yourself.

[Pacman]

Pacman, confidence isn't something you just wake up with one morning because you know you need it, which it sounds like you totally understand.

 

The "alpha" men I've known are usually cool, confident and a bit on the quiet side in a way. They only say something when they're confident in themselves and what they're talking about.

 

You also described wanting to feel like more of a man than you feel like you are today and one of the coolest things about confident men is when they are quick to lend a hand to someone who needs it. That tells people right away this guy is really on his feet and knows what he's doing.

 

Hanging out with a bunch of alpha guys for a while would be the easiest way to pick up all the subtleties

 

One thing though (and not every woman feels this way): If there ever is a reason a guy should swing at another guy...he'd better do it and not back down. If something crazy was going on and my man just stood there? I'd be done with him. There's nothing worse to me personally than a guy who just stands there and doesn't do something when something really needs to be done in certain situations. He has to act when needed. If he stands there or backs down or tries to become a shadow so nobody notices he's there, that makes a guy look beta (or worse) so fast.

 

I'm a strong woman though so I love strong men.

 

And I love strong women, therefore I wan't to be a stronger man Not just physically but also mentally.

 

The physical part is the easiest part. I love waking up at 6am M W F and lifting weights. I love getting off work and relieving all stress training MMA. The mental aspect is the hardest. Being 5'8 theres a lot of negative self-talk (Yes I need to get over it) Some days are better than others. Thats why when I see these Manly MEN I wan't to be one.

 

 

 

Why do you want to be more alpha male? Be yourself.

 

Nothing wrong with self-improvement is there ?

[Tayla]

 

Nothing wrong with self-improvement is there ?

edited.

 

The differential in self improvement lays in the perspective.

 

Someone who is gung ho in one aspect may actually limit themselves in other ways. Sometimes "improvement" requires discipline in NOT doing an act.

 

Personality aside, the confident being can assert themselves without intruding on anothers boundaries.

[Nextlane]

- Earn a great income.

- Display confidence and adventure.

- Maintain health (gym, quit smoking etc...).

- Put your women on the pedestal and listen to her.

- Always have the power to say No when resolving conflicts.

- Be a family man.

[betterdeal]

Nothing wrong with self-improvement is there ?

 

I'm a big fan of it!

 

Not being enslaved to an imaginary pecking order is, I suggest, a big step in the direction of self-improvement. To thine ownself be true.

[LuckyLady13]

Being 5'8 theres a lot of negative self-talk (Yes I need to get over it)

 

5'8? Same height as two of my ex's. I'm only 5' so even with 6 inch heels, you'd still be taller than me. Yes, get over the height thing. It doesn't mean squat. Some people around me are driven bananas because they can't figure out how at 5', I carry myself like I'm 7' tall and people always say to me "I always feel safe with you". And that gets weird when it's a guy friend saying it who is twice my size!

 

Self improvement for me is a lifelong process that won't end until I take my last breath on this earth. I'm never jealous if someone has something I don't or is more like the person I want to be. Instead, I stick around those people with my eyes open to learn what it takes to get to where I want to be.

 

Back to ex's, one of them was the jealous type to an extreme and screamed like a nutcase at me saying he couldn't figure out why I had so much confidence in myself. Jealousy can really ruin the learning process, I guess.

 

I agree when Betterdeal said "to thine ownself be true" but the way I see that is if you want to become a certain type of person and your goal is completely obtainable, doing what you can to become that person is being true to yourself.

[betterdeal]

It is, but I'll also add that being self-confident is what almost all men who say they want to be alpha males are actually aspiring to, and that starts with not feeling you have to see or answer anything in anyone else's frame of reference e.g. you don't have to think in the same terms as anyone, and the term "alpha male" is one of those terms.

[ScienceGal]

Be happy with who you are what you have to offer.

 

Be kind and never abusive.

 

Know what you want and how to ask for it.

 

Never compromise your values.

 

All of these things are much more of a turn on to me than "alpha male" qualities

[betterdeal]

so learning new skills is bad? are you God Himself?

 

Yes, Seth, that's exactly what I said.

[fucpcg]

- Earn a great income.

- Display confidence and adventure.

- Maintain health (gym, quit smoking etc...).

- Put your women on the pedestal and listen to her.

- Always have the power to say No when resolving conflicts.

- Be a family man.

 

Nice Nextlane! To me the true sign of a man is how he treats his wife and how he treats his children. My neighbor is a man that I have more respect for than he could ever probably imagine, as he knows what life is about. He is a class act, his wife of 15 years he treats like gold, and he has an amazing family life together with her and their 3 children. He is a GOOD man.