Best friend checking up on bf - help!!

[pretty_petal]

Hey...

 

I have known my bestfriend for 12 years now, we always used to get on amazingly and saw each other all the time. Last spring i got a boyfriend and then this year she started to go to college and i'm still at school. She changed alot when she started college - i'm a year younger than her but that never made a difference. She seems to have tried to grow up real quick so i don't get on with her quite as well as b4 but we're still friends.

 

The main reason i'm writing tho is to do with me having a bf.

 

She has never had a boyfriend before which doesn't actually mean anything - i was just giving some background. Thing is... she has kinda become obsessed with trying to control my love life. Its really really pis*ing me off.

For example:

 

I went to see her a couple of months ago and i'd been with my bf for a year. She started saying that i mustn't take advantage of him or force myself on him. She also said that we weren't allowed to make love yet.... cos she said he was too young and we must only 'make out'. This doesn't sound too bad now but no one knows how close my bf and i are. I can't explain how well we get on, we've never had a argument or anything. We agree we could be soul mates, he is my best friend.

 

I guess my female friend didn't know this cos i don't tend to talk about my bf infront of her at all cos i don't want to rub it in that i have a bf.

It just really made me angry. oh... and she started giving me 'sex tips'... not that shes got so far as kissing yet.

 

Then the other day i went into the department store she works in to pick something up. I happened to meet her and we started talking. I said hey, how was she, she said she was fine, how was me n my bf. I said we were going great. then right in the middle of the busy department store she asked 'are we still a virgin'. i was like er...! why???? i mean i told her 'yes' but still.

We are leaving our school this year (my bf and i) and he is going to the same college as her. She said she will keep and eye on him and make sure hes not cheating. that really offends me cos he would never do that. i told him all this and he said he will avoid her at all costs - he doesn't really get on with her anways.

 

What can i do when she does this? am i over reacting?? I don't want to loose her as a friend but the way shes going i might. i always go to hers real happy to see her and come back in a mood. please help x

[DerangedAngel]

Uh, your friend sounds extremely strange.

 

Your sex life (and general relationship with this guy) is none of her business. She doesn't need to be asking about it, much less telling you that you can't sleep with him yet.

 

So he doesn't know her, right? The only thing he knows of her is what you tell him? Hm. It sounds like she's jealous for sure, and it may be just because she doesn't have a boyfriend, but c'mon. She doesn't have to act like that.

 

I think you should be up front with her, and let her know that this bothers you. Tell her that you can have sex with anyone you want, and she needs to stop trying to control your relationship (which is so freakin' nuts). If she can't do that, or thinks you're being unreasonable, then I'd say this is a friendship you shouldn't try to hold onto.

 

Also, I'll bet that she tries to cause some problems when your boyfriend is at her school.

 

-Deranged

[pretty_petal]

funny you should say about her causing problems cos my mum (not knowing about how she reacts to me sex life etc) said that the other day. She said i should watch out cos knowing my friend she will 'stick her nose in and cause problems and try to break you up'. For my mum to say that about my friend worried me cos they totally bum one another. thats why i came here...

 

My bf has met her once and she flirted so disgustingly he was not impressed.

 

My bf gets on with loads of girls which is fine with me.. he loves me afterall and i trust him. However this won't be fine with my friend... she will undoubtedly give me full updates on who hes 'flirting' with.

 

Not sure how i'll handle that cos it'll be like bestfriend vs boyfriend and he will always win. i don't wanna hurt her tho.

[Pyrannaste]

Your friend's behaviour is pretty upsetting.

 

My guess is that having entered college got to her head.... college environment is different, and now she thinks she has more experience than you, she has seen everything, she understands anything about relationships.

 

I find her behaviour typical of a very insecure person with low self-esteem who suddenly finds herself in a different environment(college) and thinks it will be the great change in her life. hers sounds like the ?hey, i used to be aloser, now I'm a winner and I'll show that to you in every possible way" behaviour.

 

It is pretty amusing receiving sex tips from people who have just kissed and never really had a bf. She probably got them from some older friend she made at college and nows feels like she has to show off.

 

Perhaps it's only a phase. Hopefully she'll stop soon.

Perhaps she just needs to grow up a little and get herself a boyfriend. If she was in a relationship, she'd have something better than stick her nose in yours.

 

I'd also be mad at her flirting with your bf.

She probably is not interested in him, it's just that college got to her head and now she thinks she is a real grown up, she has changed a lot, she became a better person....

She was probably just trying to prove that she became this great girl to...your bf, herself, anyone and anything.

 

It sounds like you still care a lot about this girl, having been friends for years it is normal you want to try to save the friendship even if she has been annoying, stupid and disrespectful.

 

I suggest you make it very clear that:

1) you don't appreciate her trying to control your love life and acting like an unsufferable know-it-all about relationships.

2) she should mind her own business. you don't want her to stick her nose in your relationship.

3) she is *never ever* to flirt with your bf again.

 

and hope she'll soon be through this phase.

 

Yet, if she tries to cause trouble in your relationship, and does not respect you trying to act stupid with your bf, consider taking distance from her.

[pretty_petal]

Thank you both! You have helped clear my mind... *ahhh breathes*

You were so right tho:

 

now she thinks she has more experience than you, she has seen everything, she understands anything about relationships. exactly!! Perfect!

 

I find her behaviour typical of a very insecure person with low self-esteem who suddenly finds herself in a different environment(college) and thinks it will be the great change in her life. hers sounds like the ?hey, i used to be aloser, now I'm a winner and I'll show that to you in every possible way" behaviour.

 

Bingo! She was like one of the loser people in her school, cos she has very low self esteem and is very shy. But i love her all the same... still that is exactly what shes like, i went on holiday with her last year n she was always saying how it was a chance not to be a loser.

 

It is pretty amusing receiving sex tips from people who have just kissed and never really had a bf. She probably got them from some older friend she made at college and nows feels like she has to show off.

 

amusing yes... but frickin' annoying too! I'm like ok... i know nothing about sex n stuff... you know less. shut up. oh and one point... she hasn't kissed either. no hand holding. just the occaisional hug. even more amusing i spose.

 

I'd also be mad at her flirting with your bf.

She probably is not interested in him

 

no, i know shes not interrested and i had prepared myself for her to do that so i wasn't too bothered but my bf was kinda scared.

 

I suggest you make it very clear that:

1) you don't appreciate her trying to control your love life and acting like an unsufferable know-it-all about relationships.

2) she should mind her own business. you don't want her to stick her nose in your relationship.

3) she is *never ever* to flirt with your bf again.

 

in theory i should... but she would take offence and make me look like a complete ass. so i think i won't.