How do you know when enough is enough

[2sunny]

Wait a second, you effectively bribed her with a credit card?

 

You just reinforced her bad behavior. If she treats you bad, your response is to pay more attention and give her money/credit card.

 

This woman lacks respect for you, and for herself.

 

It doesn't matter - most men overlook bad behavior when women give loads of sex. It distracts most men from looking any further.

[fucpcg]

A very attractive, unstable 40 something is a high risk proposition. My ex is one of the hottest girls in any club she goes to, regardless of age. She had a rep for being promiscuous before we started dating, she was a devoted girlfriend when everything was okay, but when we had some bumps in the road she went right back to picking up young men and sleeping around. I have several girlfriends that consider me one of the most attractive men they know. Whatever. I'm going on 42 and my life is NOT about hooking up at a bar, let alone even going ot the bars anymore. The ex however is still getting a thrill from it. She LIKES going out and getting that attention, and that definitely helped lead to the ending of our relationship. If you are a devoted guy, with a woman who thrives on male attention, I'd say you are in a ticking time bomb relationship. She can have the bar, I'll go back to searching for a woman who respects relationships, not "sex partners".

Edited March 26, 2012 by fucpcg

[maybealone]

Wait a second, you effectively bribed her with a credit card?

 

You just reinforced her bad behavior. If she treats you bad, your response is to pay more attention and give her money/credit card.

 

This woman lacks respect for you, and for herself.

 

I don't really see it that way. First of all, I have trouble seeing it as a "bribe" when the couple is married and probably considers the money and credit cards to be "ours." Second of all, I would have LOVED it if any time in the last 14 years my husband told me to get out of the house and enjoy myself. And third of all, I don't really see how she treated him badly. Sure, she may have walked a line with the boundaries they set up, but it really sounds like all she wanted was his attention. I don't blame her. I know first hand how much it sucks when the only man that doesn't find you sexy is the one you are married to.

 

And yes, I might be biased because this hits a bit of a nerve with me.

[maybealone]

If the woman who is supposed to be my wife is in my face telling me she is flirting with the guy at the video store that would just tend to make me very angry.

 

It sounded to me like she told her husband the video store guy flirted with her, not that she flirted back. To me, she was trying to get the point across that if other men find her attractive, then her husband should find her attractive.

 

Was that the mature way to handle it? Probably not. But coming out and asking him whether or not he thinks she's hot doesn't generally work either.

[2sunny]

What were the specific details of delaying her boob job? How did she handle the delay?

 

Was it delayed or cancelled?

 

She does act like a gal that just got them done and wants to show them off (if/since she's flirting)...

 

Does she plan to have it done in the future? If so, when?

[maybealone]

I hate to threadjack, but I do feel the need to answer these comments. Everyone else can ignore them if you want, with my apologies.

 

If in your marriage the money was "ours" and you wanted to get out of the house and enjoy yourself nothing was stopping you.

 

You are absolutely right, but it's not the same as someone you love recognizing that you are stressed or whatever and telling you to take a break. I tend to push myself way too hard if no one is around telling me to chill for a bit.

 

O.K. so similarly to the OP, it's alright with you if your husband flirts with shop girls and rubs it in your face?

 

Are we acknowledging we are talking about grown-ups not little children here? Two adults? So what if the wife wanted attention. That doesn't justify sexually flirting with other men.

 

Well, maybe the OP can clarify. I understood that she was telling him that a man flirted with her, NOT that she flirted back. Big difference. And if my husband told me a woman in a shop flirted with him, I'd tell him that I don't blame her because he's a good-looking guy.

 

Also I find it interesting you say "the only man who doesn't find you sexy" is your husband which implies OTHER men DO find you sexy. The only way you could know that is if you're doing the same thing OP's wife is doing--inappropriately seeking attention outside your marriage.

 

I don't seek it, but it happens. Strangely enough, I have never seen a married woman walking around with a bright orange shirt that says "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!!" on it.

 

If he's no longer physically attracted to you you've probably let yourself go quite a bit. I'm guessing 30 or 40 pounds based on the level of resentment you seem to have.

 

Nope, not overweight at all. If you know anything about women's sizes, I wear a size 2.

 

Maybe all the strange men you've been flirting with are willing to overlook that if they think they can get into your panties.

 

Well, now that was really uncalled for.

Edited March 26, 2012 by maybealone

[Under_the_Radar]

I don't really see it that way. First of all, I have trouble seeing it as a "bribe" when the couple is married and probably considers the money and credit cards to be "ours." Second of all, I would have LOVED it if any time in the last 14 years my husband told me to get out of the house and enjoy myself. And third of all, I don't really see how she treated him badly. Sure, she may have walked a line with the boundaries they set up, but it really sounds like all she wanted was his attention. I don't blame her. I know first hand how much it sucks when the only man that doesn't find you sexy is the one you are married to.

 

And yes, I might be biased because this hits a bit of a nerve with me.

 

Thank you! Did not see it as a bribe. For almost 20 years, she has been having babies (seven to be exact), has nursed every one, and is feeling good for the first time in 13 years! I am going to celebrate how good she is feeling and I am going to show her how much I trust her........and I do!!

[Under_the_Radar]

It sounded to me like she told her husband the video store guy flirted with her, not that she flirted back. To me, she was trying to get the point across that if other men find her attractive, then her husband should find her attractive.

 

Was that the mature way to handle it? Probably not. But coming out and asking him whether or not he thinks she's hot doesn't generally work either.

 

That is correct........she did not flirt back. I don't blame her for being excited about the extra attention she is getting........especially from her husband.

[Under_the_Radar]

What were the specific details of delaying her boob job? How did she handle the delay?

 

Was it delayed or cancelled?

 

She does act like a gal that just got them done and wants to show them off (if/since she's flirting)...

 

Does she plan to have it done in the future? If so, when?

 

We discussed it in great detail. I emphatically told her that I loved her just the way she was and that in our almost 20 years of marriage, I had never ONCE complained about her body. She was good with the decision!!

 

For now, the job is cancelled. We were able to get a complete refund and we are both at peace with the decision. There are many other things that we can spend the money on right now. May come up again in the future, don't know.