Confused?

[Cindy]

I am having some really hard problems right now. YOu see me and my boyfriend broke up about a week ago. It was kind of a mutual thing, well I wanted him to stop treating me so bad and he want to break because he says that he was treating me bad and that he needs to find "himself". But now that we've broken up, things have been really confusing. I never really wanted to break up with him, I just wanted him to stop treating me so badly. And I will admit that I'm not over him. But he insists over and over again that we will remain best freinds, and he keeps insisting that, which is fine because I kind of have ambitions of getting back together with him. But its become just a weekend thing. During the weekdays, he says he spends 24-7 studying and on the weekends he spends time with me. The last two weekend he has really got affection with me and we have had sex. But I found out that he had re-joined a personal ad that he was on before we started going out. When I don't want to have anything to do with him he crawls back, when I want to be with him he makes it really frank that we are just friends and he completely ignores me. I know I shouldn't be with someone like that, but its so hard to let go. Do you see us getting back together? What do you think is going through his mind? What do I have to do so that I won't fall for him over and over again? HELP!!!Thanks:)

[Tony T]

FIRST YOU ASK: "Do you see us getting back together?"

 

What you seek in this question is more in the realm of psychic information. The forum is probably the wrong place to seek that. However, if this is what you want, I will hope for that.

 

YOUR NEXT QUESTION: "What do you think is going through his mind?"

 

He is still very immature emotionally. He wants the old challenge. He wants what he can't have. He wants a girl who is aloof, unpredictable, stand-offish. You already know this because when you are this way, he runs to you. Most men, at some point in their lives, want mostly a challenge. They are not attracted to someone who really cares about them or who is readily available to them.

 

Unfortunately, it's hard to say when he will grow up emotionally. He may very well be afraid of intimacy or getting too close. That's another immaturity matter and one also based on childhood issues. But for someone like this, it is far more safe if the lady is at a distance and he has to do the pursuing. It's like a dog that chases a car. When the dog catches the car, he has no idea what to do with it...the dog just likes to go after this thing in the road he knows will be elusive.

 

YOUR FINAL QUESTION: "What do I have to do so that I won't fall for him over and over again?"

 

Find a man who is more mature, more settled and one who is ready to take on the responsibilties of a loving relationship. There are lots of men out there who have been through the ringer who would give a million dollars for a lady who treats them nice, who shows them they care, and who is ready to share their life with them.

 

I don't recommend you wait around for your guy here unless you have a lot of time. Your relationship with him could be a roller coaster for many years to come unless he gets into professional counselling and works at it. It is very difficult to change the heart until it wants to change.

[Tony T]

I just notices you gave some excellent advice to dede below. Read it and follow it yourself. A guy like this, and many other guys, never respond favorably to a lady who is too nice and too sweet.

 

It takes a mature MAN to appreciate a woman who is kind and caring. These young punks just haven't reached that level yet. Different men grow up at different rates psychologically. Some stay as children all their lives.

 

But what you told dede was really good and very much on target. Pay attention to what you already know!!!