Regrets and still not over my Ex

[surfgurl]

It's been almost (7) months since I spoke with my ex. Our breakup wasn't formal in that it wasn't verbalised that we didn't want to date eachother but rather, due to my attempt to get back some money that I loaned him.

 

We had been dating one another for roughly (5) months before he got into a financial peril and asked (as a last resort) if he could borrow almost a grand from me to help him get into a new living arrangement. Although I was quite surprised to have been asked, and although I didn't have the money, I loaned it to him. His promise to pay me back within a week and a half when he got paid again was sincere and heartfelt. This guy was seemingly embarrassed to have to ask me for the money. A week and a half went by and he told me that he was sorry but he didn't have the money but he was working on it.

 

Our relationship seemed to flourish as we finally expressed our love to one another. Everything was making sense in my life. I was so excited when we would talk about getting married and I looked forward to our lives together. It just felt right. Everything that I had been told about knowing when you meet Mr. Right was correct in that it I felt complete and I knew he was "the one."

 

Prior to me dating this Mr. Right I had dated other guys one of whom was still my friend. Mr. Right was concerned that the guy who I had previously dated and I were going to get back together even though I assured him that it wasn't so. So when I had a formal event coming up in which I invited everyone I knew (including the guy friend) Mr. Right said that there was no way he was going to attend. I didn't understand the seriousness in his anger and so I brushed it off with an "oh well."

 

The "oh well" approach may have been misinterpreted for me not caring about Mr. Right. I assume that he interpreted it this way and subsequently he started calling me less and less (this is over a period of 2 weeks). I became worried because he hadn't been calling me and he had yet to pay me back. So I put in a call and mentioned it over his voicemail explaing that I need to get my money back, why weren't "you" calling anymore, etc. I tried to be friendly but I felt like something was terribly wrong.

 

Needless to say he never returned my calls so I ended up taking my guy friend over to Mr. Right's house in an attempt to get the money back and confront him as to why he wasn't talk to me anymore. Mr. Right went ballistic. He couldn't believe the events that were transpiring. Everyone got into a shouting match and I ended up leaving the premises with my friend, crying and with no repayment.

 

The subsequent phone calls that night by Mr. Right were not to me but to my brother in which Mr. Right told my brother to send me the message that he never ever wanted to hear from me again. You should know as a sidenote that this guy has serious issues with trust when it comes to girls on account of things that happened in his past.

 

So seven months has passed and we've done the 'No Contact' thing. I've tried to go on with my life, and I have albiet the fact that I am deeply saddened to not have him in my life. I've dated other people, I have a new job, I have a new hairstyle/colour, I've rummaged through all of my things and trahsed 98% of it - - in short, I have tried to change but the constant is the overwhelming love I still have for him.

 

A few nights ago a young friend of mine and I were talking about this and he (the friend) ended up calling up Mr. Right. He got Mr. Right's phone number from my cell phone. Mr. Right answered the phone (the friend alleges) and he ended up telling mr. Right that I was still in love with him and obsessed with him. I was mortified when I heard this because it couldn't be farther from the truth (the obsession thing) and I feel like it destroyed my credibility and potentiality for another chance.

 

I want to call Mr. Right and apologize for the phone call made by my young, very immature friend, but I can't. I don't know what to do. My head fears his wrath but my heart tells me he is the one.

 

seven months of no contact makes one hopeful but more importantly, fearful of what the other person thinks. I've regretted my attempt to get the money back and really its not about the money.

 

what do you reccomend?

[DarkLadie]

well i look at it this way if it wasnt really about the money call him and tell him that and hat your very sorry about whst your friend did and let him know you had nothing to with it but it is true that you still love him so you dont completly regret what you friend did.

[lost_in_chgo]

Wow,

 

you couldn't have played that more perfectly wrong if you intended to.

 

You don't sound like you understand that this was about jealously and pride rather than money. Loaning him the money, while I'm sure was good intentioned led to him having self respect issues over have to borrow from you. (unless he's a complete loser).

 

Then your "friend" starts to be around more and more and it looks like you are replacing him because he borrowed money.

 

You go to a party without the friend and seemingly don't care if he goes or not.

 

Then you validate all that by asking for the money back.

 

To top it off, you bring your new champion to reclaim the money.

 

He's jealous and hurt and offended. He has serious trust issues and now he has more and with good reason.

 

What you intended to do, really doesn't matter. What you are dealing with now is his perceptions of your actions. Good luck, this will be a tough one to crack.

 

I would think that you need to see him in person. And you need to accept his wrath. It's righteous. Don't try to explain. Don't tell him he's wrong about everything. Tell him that you didn't realize how things looked and that you are sorry you made him feel like he was being cheated on, etc. He's not going to believe you.

 

And your friends phone call is probably a good thing, but you can apologize for it.

 

If you are seeing that former bf now or in the interim time, forget the whole thing. He won't take you back. Why would he?

 

And take this as an example of why you can't continue to see your former boyfriends when you are in a relationship. It just causes too many problems, it's naive, it's disrespectful to your current partner and the former bf too often has his own agenda (whether you believe it or not).