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How Do You Justify a Long Distance Relationship? What's the Point...?

USMCHokie

By USMCHokie,
in Long-Distance Relationships

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USMCHokie

USMCHokie

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So I find myself in my first long distance relationship of about a month and a half, after promising myself that I'd never go through such a hassle...but now I'm beginning to question whether I'm doing right for myself here...and I'm wondering how you all who are in LDRs justify it to begin with? Why do you settle for someone who lives so far away...?

 

Spending a grand a month on travel expenses and having to deal with the aches and pains of missing someone and wishing they were with you isn't my idea of a healthy situation...things are great during the time you do spend together, but time apart kind of sucks...either you're moping around missing the other person, or you try to live your own life while you're apart and cause the other person to get terribly insecure about the relationship...etc, etc.

 

I'm not sure I'm cut out for it...so why do YOU do it...? :confused:

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FitChick

FitChick

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Why don't you ask the wives of servicemen? Aren't you going to Afghanistan soon anyway? Perfect time to end it. Of course, even if you met someone locally, you would end up in a long distance relationship anyway because you won't be around.

 

It's funny how you asked why we "settle" for long distance. You've got it backwards: we didn't want to settle and decided the person was worth the effort no matter where in the world they were. They were better than anyone locally. The thing about LDRs is, they focus the mind. While you could date someone you felt lukewarm about locally for years, if you felt the same about an LDR it wouldn't last. You have to feel passionate about the person and, more importantly, have an end date.

 

Your problem seems to be you will never be satisfied with any woman and you will never be happy alone either until you sort yourself out. You suffer from Grass is Greener Syndrome, so you are doomed.

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Citizen Erased

Citizen Erased

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The fact that you see it as settling for someone, that tells me you're never going to last in a LDR. I've done it because he was worth it, not because I didn't have options closer to home so settled for someone further away.

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USMCHokie

USMCHokie

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Why don't you ask the wives of servicemen? Aren't you going to Afghanistan soon anyway? Perfect time to end it. Of course, even if you met someone locally, you would end up in a long distance relationship anyway because you won't be around.

 

Absolutely. Before I even joined the military, I told myself I'd stay single until I got out...of course that went to crap... And when I learned that I was deploying this summer, I told myself that I wouldn't have a relationship back home to worry about...and of course that went to crap...

 

It's funny how you asked why we "settle" for long distance. You've got it backwards: we didn't want to settle and decided the person was worth the effort no matter where in the world they were. They were better than anyone locally.

 

No, I still stand by my initial assessment. Their distance away from you is inherently a characteristic of theirs, no different from their personality or their physical looks. And you have settled on a less than ideal characteristic (i.e., distance) for the relationship.

 

And are people that terribly unique that it the LDR is worthwhile...?

 

The thing about LDRs is, they focus the mind.

 

My mind is not focused... :(

 

Your problem seems to be you will never be satisfied with any woman and you will never be happy alone either until you sort yourself out. You suffer from Grass is Greener Syndrome, so you are doomed.

 

Yes, I agree. I've never been completely satisfied with any woman that I have dated...even after previous threads, I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to "sort myself out"...what does that mean, anyway...? :confused:

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USMCHokie

USMCHokie

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The fact that you see it as settling for someone, that tells me you're never going to last in a LDR.

 

I will always see it as settling...especially for her...why "settle" for someone who has to leave for a year in a few months...?

 

I've done it because he was worth it, not because I didn't have options closer to home so settled for someone further away.

 

Well, he's pretty awesome, isn't he...if you hadn't snatched him away like that, I woulda thought I had a chance... :mad::mad:

 

No homo.

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Citizen Erased

Citizen Erased

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:lmao: You are funny.

 

ESPECIALLY for her? That doesn't sound good. Why are you even bothering with her? You sound way too unhappy!

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USMCHokie

USMCHokie

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ESPECIALLY for her? That doesn't sound good. Why are you even bothering with her? You sound way too unhappy!

 

I meant to say "especially" for those who are with military servicemembers in general...not just her...and not just anyone who happens to be dating me...

 

There's certainly a sh*tty aspect to it...

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Pyro

Pyro

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Well, he's pretty awesome, isn't he...if you hadn't snatched him away like that, I woulda thought I had a chance... :mad::mad:

 

No homo.

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

I am pretty awesome.

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NightForgotten

NightForgotten

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For me , my boyfriend and I never really planned to be in a LDR it just happened really before he left we had the talk about whether or not to try the LDR thing and as time went by we both told each other to decide and in the end we decided to do nothing lol then after he left well we just texted and called each other all day and I remember just telling my boyfriend one day , "hey uhh I think we're in LDR." and he agreed haha the first months or so where the hardest you do miss each other all time but overtime it just gets easier texting and calls and just seeing him on Skype or hearing their voice on the phone is enough after a while and too be honest it wasn't too hard for my boyfriend and I we both knew we would see each other during breaks and holidays and we had already dated for 3 years before he left for college , now we live together but our LDR lasted for 3 years.

 

The truth is a LDR does take a lot of work but too the point where it is stressing you out. Like I said too be honest it wasnt that hard for me or my boyfriend.

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Els

Els

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And are people that terribly unique that it the LDR is worthwhile...?

 

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. :) Just IMO, if you're with someone but believe that going through an LDR with that person (within the reasonable bounds determined by you personally, of course - end date etc) is not worth it or would not hypothetically be worth it... You're not truly in love with him/her. Yes, some people aren't cut out for LDRs, but even they, I think, would try it and then fail rather than just right out say, "What's the point of settling for an LDR?" The point is that the person you are with is so special, so dear to you, that you don't think, "Meh, I can just find another one of her right here."

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Feelin Frisky

Feelin Frisky

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Everyone is unique and has to deal with their own range of issues as well as the other party's. I didn't set out to start mine and I'm not OK with how it ended, but I'm more flexible and open-minded for an evolving relationship than someone who ups and makes calculations and pull triggers on impulse. It's always good to have someone love you somewhere and despite feeling stung by sudden desertion, I have not forgotten one bit about my love and can't be mean. I'm a better man for having loved and lost then not letting myself be loved at all. She is welcome and I can live with it changing--it could have been handled with a little less shock but I was living one day at a time and my partner seemed to think in terms of the rest of her life. No one is guaranteed to have a rest of their life beyond today. Loyal love is not something to throw away and I believe there's hope that she will discover this and evolve with me still.

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FitChick

FitChick

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Some of us don't want to settle for geographical convenience and would rather be alone than dissatisfied with someone we know is not right for us but who happens to be nearby. LDRs are not for the insecure and needy.

 

Generally, if a couple can survive the trials and tribulations of an LDR they are more bonded once one person moves to be with the other because they know the sacrifices that were made to be together.

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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The point for me is, I'm as fussy as hell when it comes to men, there aren't many like him out there, he's special, he thinks I'm special too.

It isn't something I'd do lightly, I've been in mine for 2 years and it's been full of ups and downs and difficulties, but when we're together, or I hear his voice on the phone, it's all worthwhile and very hard to let go of. I'm not 'settling' for him, I'm with him because it's him I want, no-one else.

We don't have to spend a fortune on visits as we're only 800 miles apart (different countries/continents in Europe), we wouldn't be able to afford that, so I have limits of who I'd have an LDR with, also in terms of I won't fly. And I wouldn't want to be with someone I was seeing less than every other month.

What can I say? Real love is hard to find.

 

 

 

So I find myself in my first long distance relationship of about a month and a half, after promising myself that I'd never go through such a hassle...but now I'm beginning to question whether I'm doing right for myself here...and I'm wondering how you all who are in LDRs justify it to begin with? Why do you settle for someone who lives so far away...?

 

Spending a grand a month on travel expenses and having to deal with the aches and pains of missing someone and wishing they were with you isn't my idea of a healthy situation...things are great during the time you do spend together, but time apart kind of sucks...either you're moping around missing the other person, or you try to live your own life while you're apart and cause the other person to get terribly insecure about the relationship...etc, etc.

 

I'm not sure I'm cut out for it...so why do YOU do it...? :confused:

Edited by HeavenOrHell
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folieadeux

folieadeux

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I'm sorry to hear that, but after reading through your posts, it sounds like it really was for the best. Not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle for a myriad of reasons. I also want to echo the words of so many others that posted on this board...I did not "settle" to be in my LDR. To sum it up, we went through everything we did because we both felt it was worth it. We just happened to live far apart. Every relationship has problems...geography was ours.

 

With that being said, we will have the distance resolved next month and will be getting married at the end of the year. LDRs can and do work; it just takes the right two people who are equally as dedicated to it to get through it.

 

I wish you the best in the future and thank you for your service.

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sweetjasmine

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The fact that you see it as settling for someone, that tells me you're never going to last in a LDR. I've done it because he was worth it, not because I didn't have options closer to home so settled for someone further away.

 

This times 1000. You have to feel that the other person is worth the effort, or it will never last. My fiance and I stuck it out for two years before finally ending up in the same place because we each thought the other was worth it. What we had was good enough for both of us to fight for.

 

I'm sorry to hear it's over, but it sounds like ending it was the right choice for you. Good luck, Hokie.

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Citizen Erased

Citizen Erased

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I ended it last night... :(

 

It's sad now but it definitely sounds like it is for the best. Hope you're ok...

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jerbear

jerbear

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I ended it last night... :(

 

Sorry to hear that, you had to do what you had to do.

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quankanne

quankanne

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so very sorry to hear that you ended your relationship, but then again, YOU are the only one who can make sense of an LDS. Obviously, this wasn't the right fit, and the decision was the right one.

 

that said, your earlier question about why go through an LDS, I thought Heaven or Hell had a fantastic answer when she wrote, "I'm not 'settling' for him, I'm with him because it's him I want, no-one else. ...What can I say? Real love is hard to find."

 

because 22 years ago, that was *my* response when the guy I was dating had to return to his homebase in Florida, leaving me in South Texas. And then, he went to Saudi Arabia on a 2-year civil service contract. I pursue that relationship heart and soul simply because I had a sure feeling about him and about us, and I wasn't going to let distance or time get in the way of that.

 

this summer, we celebrate 20 years of marriage. Not a bad pay-off for taking such a great leap of faith as a college co-ed ... :cool:

 

when you meet her, you'll do whatever it takes to ensure that relationship stays alive, and it'll be worth every second of separation in the end.

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Pyro

Pyro

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sorry amigo. Never a good feeling afterwards.

 

Lets find the next girl within the Southern California area. LDRs are for the select few.

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betterdeal

betterdeal

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The point is, you enjoy it. Why they happen is we have long distance communication systems and a lot of people experience a significant amount of their lives via these systems. There's a motive: enjoyment; and means: the Internet.

 

Many relationships that endure started with two people scoping each other out over a significant period, carefully negotiating private and public obstacles, and advancing only when conditions were right. Being online, long distance, enables getting your house in order, tying up loose ends, getting a feel for the other person and synergising where amicably possible and beneficial, before committing to sharing the daily grind - and joys - with each other.

 

That's how it can work, if that's what you're interested in doing. What, out of curiosity, did you expect from your LDR and what have you learnt from it?

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USMCHokie

USMCHokie

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It's sad now but it definitely sounds like it is for the best. Hope you're ok...

 

Sorry to hear that, you had to do what you had to do.

 

sorry amigo. Never a good feeling afterwards.

 

Lets find the next girl within the Southern California area. LDRs are for the select few.

 

Thanks guys...yea, it does suck, even as the "dumper"...the thought of never seeing someone again that you were once close to sucks pretty bad...

 

And Pyro, you're right...LDRs are NOT for me...

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USMCHokie

USMCHokie

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How surprising... Who would have thought that after your other thread. :rolleyes:

 

I know...I guess I realized I'm not in the right mind to be in a relationship...I can't seem to get emotionally connected with anyone...I don't know whether my walls are still up from my ex, but I definitely feel like i can't "love"...I can certainly say it, but I can't genuinely feel it...So distance was just my out...I would just be stringing her along...

 

But distance still sucks...

Edited by USMCHokie
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