Getting over crazy feelings after divorce - Am I normal to feel so confused?

[SadinTx]

I divorced my husband last week. I know I had to do it - we were just too combustable together - fought constantly. He pressured me into getting married before I was ready - I married him because I loved him but my son hated him. He and my son did not get along - my husband was supposed to be the adult and try to be a father but he wanted no part of it - my son resented him and so it was a struggle with them and there were many other issues.

 

His son was a bad influence - raised without any direction or morals. He and my son did not get along so that was another problem.

 

His son bullied my son and stole from him - my husband stood up for his son and blamed my son, etc.

 

I couldn't move into his house and force my son to live in those conditions so I called it quits.

 

Despite being divorced now - I am sad and in pain. I hurt because my husband told me I was such a horrible wife and how I never gave our marriage a chance, etc. I knew in my heart that the relationship with him and trying to blend our families just would never work.

 

My son had nightmares about moving into that house and living with them. The day we got married my husband told my son "She's my wife now" - not "Hey, we're all a family and I welcome you as my son".

 

So it was very strained. I should have never married but I did and regretted it so I got divorced. I did love my husband but I couldn't trust him to be the kind of father and role model I want for my son. Thus he blamed me for everything and said I was a horrible wife and wanted my ring back.

 

During our marriage I got us into counseling and I was open and honest about my concerns. He was never wrong and it was always my fault and said I let my son tell me what to do. That wasn't the case at all. I am a parent who puts my child first - I realized I made a horrible mistake getting married (things were fine when we were just dating).

 

I've had so many feelings even though it's over. We had a horrible fight and things ended with us saying really hateful things to each other.

 

How do you get over this? I feel so beaten down by all this even though I knew I had to divorce him and move on. Is it normal to grieve over this loss even though I did the best thing for myself and my son?

 

I'm having confusing feelings - I wonder what he's doing and I actually miss him. Am I warped in the head for feeling this way? How do I get over this?

[JustSoRight]

You did the right thing sweetie. Your children should always come first and a man that can't be a un-bias mediator between the two boys would never change. He is also emotionally and verbally abusive. A man that would pressure you into marriage is showing major red flags of abusive and controlling tendencies.

 

It might take awhile to get over this but trust me, with time you will see that you did the right thing and shouldn't feel sad or guilty about it.

[SadinTx]

THANK YOU for saying that. I know I did the right thing and put my son first - my self esteem is just a little crushed right now. You said exactly what I needed to hear - thank you!

[brashgal]

I remember you and I am so glad you terminated your marriage. I think it will get easier with time to not miss your ex. Stay busy with family and friends, work, new hobbies, stuff that makes you feel good. Six months from now you'll be wondering how you ever missed him.

 

Be strong - I'm pulling for you!

[SadinTx]

Brashgal - thanks for remembering me - I truly appreciate your kind words. It means ALOT what you said - God Bless you.

 

Each day is getting a little easier - this website is the best free therapy there is thanks for people like you and JustSoRight who offer such great support.

 

I love you guys - thanks for being there for me. I will survive and move forward now.