brokeup, changed attitude, want him back but he says "i don't things will work out"

[trinitystorm]

[font=arial][/font] Hi - I have been reading the advice given here for a while and trying to apply it to my own situation. Where to begin? I (31 years old ) have been going out with him ( 32 years old) for 2 1/2 years when we both called it quits. The main reason being that he was "tired" of always trying to keep things together. And I was always trying to push him away - never satisfied with what I had, how good I had it, always complaining and comparing us to more successful couples. At the time, life was not so good for me - there were built up pressures from parents (my parents hated him + they wanted me to go to grad school), I was stuck in a dead-end job that wasn't paying, didn't want what to do with my life and didn't know what I wanted out of our relationship. He wanted a commitment. He wanted to get married next year. But I couldn't give him an straight answer. So both of us, growing weary, we decided that we should break things off. He said that if things were meant to be, they are meant to be. That gave him a bit of hope. That was two months ago. During our breakup, I have thought alot about what I wanted out of a relationship, finally quit my job and got a new paying one and realized that I will have to make the decision to be with my parents, not them. In that time, we had little contact - the occasional msg, a few phone calls. We even ran a 10km together (planned before the breakup) and held hands as we crossed the finish line together. A few weeks ago, I saw him briefly - he drove me home after work after I called him and told him that I was not feeling well ( i just started a new job and the stress led to a bad cold). After I saw him, I realized that i wanted to make things work out between us. That the problems we had could be resolved. I wanted to try again. So I called him a few days later saying that i wanted to work things out - that i have changed- thought alot about us. But he replied with "i don't think things are going to work out between us". I called again, tried to convince him that things would work out - i could see that he was thinking about it and he decided to give it a try. I was filled with hope. So we met up and when i saw him, i knew that he still wasn't sure about whether he wanted to get back together. I told him that I will give him the time he needs to sort things out and that I still loved him. I told him that I will contact him after a month. That was a week ago. Yesterday I called him before he flew to europe for a biz trip and told him casually that my friend has just broken up with her bf and he then said "don't have any expectations about us" "expect the worst". This time he sounded more definite. He went on to say that 2 months ago, he was tired of our relationship and he is still tired of it and things that things have left a bad taste in his mouth. He is also tired of work - always travelling and working long hours. I think he is tired of life in general it seems. But I want things to work out with us. I want to be there to support him, as he did for me. Is there any hope? How can I get him back? I think that talking to him face-to-face might have a better effect. So I was thinking of picking him up at the airport when he comes back next week and letting him know my feelings and hopefully trying to convince him to give me another chance. Or should I continue with the "no contact" forever and move on with my life? Reading the "lost guide to no contact" thread - I would be in the reconcilliation stage - so should i keep trying? What would I have to do to keep trying? Keep calling and talking to him. Would that push him away? Are guys pushed away more easily?

 

hmmmm.

I am lost

[KimberleyC]

Want to know a big secret. Stop calling him and do whatever it takes to break contact with him. Give it some time - might be a few weeks or whatnot - he'll call you when you suddenly stop all contact and leave him alone.

 

Might be pure torture to just leave him be but I promise you - when you drop out of sight for a while he'll go crazy wondering what happened and why you haven't been begging and pleading......then he'll call.

 

Then you'll be able to take it from there.