2 Months On....I Keep Slipping Back.

[Lad123]

Hello All.

 

Its nearly 2 months since my Gf broke up with me as she said she'd decided to stay working in another country (aside from the fact she thought we were too different, and that she'd been thinking about being with other men).

I've had a little contact with her, all initiated by herself, to which I had replied so be mature about things.Then we had 4 weeks NC until the last contact a week and a half ago when she e-mailed me saying she 'missed me loads and was so sad' and that she loved me 'all the world'.....blah blah blah.

I replied, keeping its short and sweet. No reply has ever been returned.

 

The last few days have been rather tough. I seem to be able to put on a cheerful exterior but when I'm alone I feel like s**t. I don't know what I'm feeling.

 

I miss her so much and keep thinking/planning what i would say/do if she wanted to try again. But the more realistic part of my thick skull is desparate to move on.

I have to force the idea that she'll have most likely been with someone else and that as it would be and LDR it just wouldn't work. But the part of my brain that seems to be in cloud cukkoo land wants to believe otherwise.

 

It would be a whole lot easier i think if i didn't know (from what i last heard anyway) that she was planning to come back home for a couple of months in the summer before returning back to her chosen country. Part of me likes to think that, by the time that time comes, she may have missed me so much that she'll want to sort things out. Just typing that make me feel like an idiot.

 

I admit that i've been too tempted to look at this site, and think that this may be a case of GIGs etc. I wish I didn't feel like this because i know its just going to lead to disapointment.

 

I am tired of constantly living on a stupid false hope. This morning I broke, and I decided to activate my facebook profile again to look at her status. Hoping that me seeing her in a relationship with someone might really send it home to me. But no change...still 'Single'. Obviously this means nothing.

 

I don't really know why i've posted this today. I know I have to move on and try and better myself.

I have been going to the gym/running...lost a stone in weight which is good.

I'm making changes at work by trying to push myself and taking new opportunities.

I'm reading self help books on CBT to improve my self esteem.

I've even just ridden a motorbike for the first time with the view to doing my licence.

 

But at the moment non of that has got rid of that s****y feeling inside. I feel really alone now and I even sometimes feel like I don't ever want to be in a relationship ever again...even though this was my very first and it normally doesn't last anyway for anyone.

 

Anyway thats it...vent over! Sorry if its a bit long!

 

Keep Smiling Everyone!

[Nextlane]

I think you need more time buddy.

 

I recently came out of a 4 year relationship. Some how, single life is great when you look at it. You get the opportunity to have more spare time to hangout with friends, workout more often, help family etc...

 

If it were meant to be, you both may have the chance give it another go in the future.

[leninjapirate]

Right there with you man, so can't really give any advice.

 

You seem to be doing really well though, seriously. I think it probably is just a time thing, that and her toying with you with that email, and your mind toying with you because of it.

 

You're making a better life for yourself in so many ways, and major kudos to your for it. I'm sure that if you keep it up you will start feeling better, so long as you're honestly doing it all for yourself and not just for her or to spite her or something.

 

I don't think you can force yourself to let her go. I know that logically you want to, but emotionally you're not caught up yet. Until then it will probably keep hurting, but you'll only get there when you're ready, and when you are you'll be the best version of yourself yet.

 

All the best hun.

[jennisfora]

in the same boat. want to be over it so bad, hate the fact i cant just let it go.

[flyman]

The rational mind keeps telling us to let go and move on. The other parts has earplugs or something.

[jerbear]

Sorry about your pain and two months is short. At least the distance helps.

 

What I've done in the past was pretty much what you did. What I suggest for Facebook is to create a group for ex's so they don't see anything if you still want to have some contact.

 

My suggestions is to unfriend her.

[Lad123]

Thankyou for your replies everyone! I'm glad i have this forum to vent a little instead of talking outloud to people who are probably sick of hearing about it!

 

I seem to be in abit of a hole again today. I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment...I think empty would be the best word. I just feel like I'm wondering around with not a clue what I'm doing....daft eh?

 

I've found myself in the gym earlier, pretty much welling up at the thoughts of all thats happened. Going from seemingly happy times..First Christmas in my first house with my gorgeous girl(I found the cards the other day saying how much she loved me and was looking forward to being with me) to being completely useless! Haha!

 

I find it hardest to keep from being upset when I start thinking about my role in the break-up. I'll be honest and say that I feel ashamed sometimes....not that I did anything to hurt her...but just that I let my shy/reserved character get in the way of things(She once said it would be great if i could act more like i do when i'm drunk....more relaxed etc). And that i maybe let myself get too comfortable in the relationship. I f**king hate myself for it. It depresses me more when I realise I don't know HOW to change this reserved nature of mine. And also that it could cause problems in future relationships. The thought of being alone worries me a great deal.

 

Thankyou again for you support. I feel like I'm repeating myself over and over again so if I am I apologise!