Jesse1116 Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 I am 24 years old and my girlfriend is 19. We recently moved to Texas from California to be closer to my family. She left her family behind. We have been together for a year. I've never had so many good feelings about someone. I trusted her with all my heart and never ever had even a doubt about her faithfulness to me. We were hurting for money so she had a friend that was a dancer(stripper). My g/f told me that, if it was ok with me, she wanted to waitress at the strip club to make some quick money. I trusted her and of course let her. Two weeks later I caught her lying to me about something small and asked her if there was anything else she should tell me. She broke the news to me that she had been stripping since she started. I was furious. We are still together trying to work things out but it's just not the same. How do I repair this relationship?? Link to post Share on other sites
JustSoRight Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Women will do a lot to contribute to the finacial means of a household. Even strip. Besides her lying about it, what other issues do you have? Is she the same woman you fell in love with? Maybe she lied because she knew what your reaction would be to it. Yes lying is horrible, but there are worse things that she could have done. What's wrong with stripping? You don't like her taking her top off for other men? I live in TX and know that most cities (not all) are just topless clubs. What's the big deal. She's coming home to you every night, being faithful anhd contributing money to the household. If you don't like it, because it goes against your morals, you're embarrassed your family will find out, whatever, then go out and find a better paying job so she can get a regular job. I would suggest you talk about the deceit. You need to have an open honest relationship. Have you ever thought maybe she was ashamed to tell you? Don't freak so much about it. Maybe if you're calm she'll find another place of employment. But if you tell her she can't do it, she probably would keep doing it even if she didn't want to. Women hate it when a man tells them what the can or can't do. OK, I'm not a stripper, but I have friends that are. They are great women. They have husbands, boyfriends, kids, and religious families, going to school, paying off debts. The club itself can make a difference. Is it a sleazy place? Or is it decent, or high class? Think about what you have with this woman before you do anything that might really jeopardize your relationship. She did leave California for you, to move to Texas. You have family here. She doesn't. She seems to have done a lot for the relationship already. Think about these things. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Justsoright: What about her going out and getting a different job? Why does it have to be him? Jesse: Good luck. If you can't date someone who is a stripper, talk to her about it. Let her know how it makes you feel and ask why she's doing it. Yeah, yeah, you're hurting for money, but there are other options. Maybe she wouldn't make the same amount of money, but at least it wouldn't be stripping. Some people just can't date strippers. I couldn't. If you're willing to try to make it work, the two of you are going to need to do a lot of talking. In response to what justsoright said, don't feel obligated to stay with her because she moved for you. If you can't handle her doing that and she wants to keep doing it, then I say let her go. It's her choice. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Being a stripper means that she is doing it because it is something she can deal with, which really means that she gets some pleasure from it. Don't lie to yourself and say that she doesn't get off on other men oogling her body, especially her intimate uncovered body. As long as she is a stripper, she is not only your girl. Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 it's all about lying, deceit and avoidance...those things alone, in there purest essence are the reasons this relationship should end. Regardless of the nature of all those things mentioned...they are all the same. What are you some guy with standards and morals? Hoozah Good for you mate Link to post Share on other sites
JustSoRight Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 If you look closely, I did say she could get another job. And I never said lying was OK. If that's all you people need to leave someone, then you'll be doomed to many years of failed relationships. I don't know any marriage or relationship that is truely committed to not withstand something like that. It's called communication, compromise and yes trust. It's not like she went out and freakin cheated on him. She has a job that pays well, and yes she may very well get off on it, but she's not out screwing around either. So what are you saying all strippers are never fully committed in their relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
Debra Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Here's what you gotta figure out - she's a stripper can you deal with that or does it really bother you? If it bothers you tell her to quit - if she doesn't - there's your answer. This is really interesting because most guys like strippers and porn and think there is no harm looking at either - it's just looking. You seem to be bothered that she's performing for men - for money. You're with a woman who's gyrating half naked on stage - seducing men to hand over their cash. You gotta decide if you can handle that or will it keep you up at night thinking of all the horny men who put those dollar bills in her g-string. If you can't deal with it and want her to find another job - tell her. She'll either be sincere about your feelings or she won't - and then you'll have to take it from there. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 to me this isn't a post about stripping it's a post about lying...that's what I focus on. I always try to make it objective. It would be different if let's say they were dating and he knew she was a stripper and wanted her to stop but she did not...but of course this is not. That's why I state it the way I state it...in its purest form, words and names out the door, this is about lying and deceiving. Give it any other name and any situation similar and I'm sure you'll see why I see it like I do. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Ok, about stripping - I've known a few - some really great women. I've known some that do it for the cash and it doesn't bother them, some who did it for the cash and it made them feel S***y about themselves. Women pretty much always strip for the fast money. Sometimes it's necessary - kids are hungry, car about to be repo'd, mortgage about to be foreclosed on. Yes, she shouldn't have lied - she probably knew what your reaction would be. Who is perfect and never made a mistake? She could have not told you when you asked - you didn't have a clue that she was stripping at that point. I see this from a different (probably older perspective). This girl (yes, a very young girl) moves from Cali to TX, has no family here, can't make enough, you can't support her totally (not that you should), and she goes to waitress and sees the girls stripping making a killing and goes for it for the money - money represents security. To the strippers I have known - it's just a job to pay the bills and the guys are just guys - they don't take them home at night - they go home to their husbands/children or boyfriends. Just MHO. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 You're not the only older one here. I'm 35. Each to his own opinion, no? Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Just browsing some old thread sand founf this one..... Hey, i went out with a girl for a year that left me and one of the reasons she developed such a negative view of herself (and hence depression) is the way she sold her body - it is a failing of character that leads someone to only have what is beneath their clothes to offer the world. Hell, if she dedicated half the time she does stripping for strangers to learning something new she make more money in the long run. Stripping is easy because all emn want to see naked women - strippers are the most selfish and ignorant people that have walked this planet. Mate, if she dont change her mind and change employment then leave her - simple as that. I would not want my girl showing off her body for money. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Being a stripper means that she is doing it because it is something she can deal with, which really means that she gets some pleasure from it. Don't lie to yourself and say that she doesn't get off on other men oogling her body, especially her intimate uncovered body. What the hell? Now, personally, I have no problem with strippers. So flame me. Obviously you do, but you don't have any right to act like you know she gets off from it. Something you are able to deal with is not necessarily something you get pleasure from. It's not about the job, it's about the lie. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 I don't think there is anything wrong in strippers or stripping *in itself*. Yet I would not date a stripper(male or female). I also would not date photographers who are into nude, playgirl playmates, actors, engineers, and people who have some other jobs I'd not be confortable with. IMO stripping is fine only when you are single or when your partner is totally okay with it. When you start stripping you just know some guys/girls will *not* want you as a gf because of it. I think I'd be absolutely mad about it. To me it would be enough to break up. Sha abused your trust and got a job she *knew* you would not be okay with. If you want to work things out, ask her to quit immediately and get a new job. I think such a request would be very normal. Of course I wrote the above assuming you don't go to strip clubs. If you do, and you believe it's okay for you to go to strip clubs, then you can't complain if your gf is stripping. Lying about it was bad, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
dasani08810 Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 engineers, ?? I'm in the same class as a stripper?? All those years of study just wasted?......tisk tisk Link to post Share on other sites
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