CopingGal Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 LOVE that name, LOL; no I haven't heard a thing, but was told he took down the pictures of him and his new g/f==took it off public anyway. It will be a year in August that he tried contacting me, but I ignored. I was upset because I thought I caused the abuse and he will treat his new g/f like a queen while I got all the crappy abuse. He was proud to show her off and all his friends left comments about how pretty she is, etc., looks like they had a fun day--that kind of thing. I was kept a secret. I will never get answers for it; but once in awhile if the mood hits me, I will wonder, but then it passes. Yeah, it's hard when I saw that my ex treated his new gfs way, way better than he treated me. But in the end, I know that behavior doesn't last. Sooner or later he will go back to being a terrible partner. Maybe with them it's later rather than sooner. My therapist said for me not to pay attention to how he treats new women because I don't know what his agenda is. And believe me, he does have an agenda. It's a hard pill to swallow- seeing him treat them better than he did me, but it's my fault I feel this way. NC means NC. I should not have gone to his facebook page back in the beginning of April. I should not have had ANY contact with him after I left him. I know better now. NC is NC and that's it! There's only one thing this sub-human can do to me- that is hurt me. So it's very important that I stay away from him. I just keep reminding myself of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 Yeah, it's hard when I saw that my ex treated his new gfs way, way better than he treated me. But in the end, I know that behavior doesn't last. Sooner or later he will go back to being a terrible partner. Maybe with them it's later rather than sooner. My therapist said for me not to pay attention to how he treats new women because I don't know what his agenda is. And believe me, he does have an agenda. It's a hard pill to swallow- seeing him treat them better than he did me, but it's my fault I feel this way. NC means NC. I should not have gone to his facebook page back in the beginning of April. I should not have had ANY contact with him after I left him. I know better now. NC is NC and that's it! There's only one thing this sub-human can do to me- that is hurt me. So it's very important that I stay away from him. I just keep reminding myself of that. My ex seemed to get off on getting me angry. Once he started a text fight; omg. hate those. I ended up calling him and crying. He sounded completely detached and then I could almost hear him lauging quietly that I was crying. He got satisfaction out of hurting me and would often start fights or do things to hurt me----such as calling me by his ex wife's name several times. Not sure if that was done on purpose or if he really meant it. Our exes cannot hurt us anymore. I agree about the FB. When I saw he posted pictures of him and his g/f on a lovely trip, I wanted to hurl...but, I noticed that he made that one particular album 'public'. You mention 'agenda'... after seeing the public icon, I knew he had an agenda somewhere. It's always nice talking about this with you==we seem to have dated the same twirp, LOL!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 My ex seemed to get off on the idea of doing things behind my back, tricking me, lying to me etc. I had a huge crying fit today. Huge...from that and my life in general. My friend was with me and helped me to feel better. I have to remind myself that even though I put up with my ex's nonsense, which was my fault...him lying to me, tricking me, doing things behind my back, playing "let's pretend" in therapy instead of being honest, the mean things he said to me, and cheating on me was all him...his issues not mine. Someday I will pity him deeply. Today is not that day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 My ex seemed to get off on the idea of doing things behind my back, tricking me, lying to me etc. I had a huge crying fit today. Huge...from that and my life in general. My friend was with me and helped me to feel better. I have to remind myself that even though I put up with my ex's nonsense, which was my fault...him lying to me, tricking me, doing things behind my back, playing "let's pretend" in therapy instead of being honest, the mean things he said to me, and cheating on me was all him...his issues not mine. Someday I will pity him deeply. Today is not that day. I've been at that pity the ex stage, but there are days when I feel like analyzing. I don't feel anything; no emotion..I am just a gal who likes answers and I will analyze anything and everything. If the mail is late, I will analyze why, LOL; that is how I am; it is a blessing and a curse. Once you accept that his doings were his fault, his own projecting, you will feel a weight has been lifted and the tears will stop. No normal man would do those things our ex's did. Feel sorry for them; they will never have a productive life. Link to post Share on other sites
lovinglife21 Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I've been at that pity the ex stage, but there are days when I feel like analyzing. I don't feel anything; no emotion..I am just a gal who likes answers and I will analyze anything and everything. If the mail is late, I will analyze why, LOL; that is how I am; it is a blessing and a curse. Once you accept that his doings were his fault, his own projecting, you will feel a weight has been lifted and the tears will stop. No normal man would do those things our ex's did. Feel sorry for them; they will never have a productive life. This sounds exactly like me and how my ex was. In a way I think those of us that analyse everything have a tendency to try and fix people because we believe we understand them, we believe that if we just stick with them we can help them through it. What I think we don't realise until we've been completely ****ed over is that we can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped, and definitely not someone that doesn't even realise how ****ed up they are. xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Well, I know it's his fault, but the weight is still not lifted. I also know he's sick, but the weight is still not lifted. But yes, my ex is not normal. He is very, VERY disfunctional, but he walks around like he's in control of his life, and that his life is great, and that he knows all. One time we were walking down a very dark and deserted path with trees all around. It was pretty scary. His car had broken down and we went for a long walk. But first, he wanted to leave me somewhere in a town that was unfamiliar to me. He wanted to leave me in a town I did not know for 8 hours while he went to think about how his car not working would effect his life. After 8 hours, my friend would have been able to pick me up. But I didn't go for that. So when his car broke down, it was actually in the afternoon. As I said, we spent time together away from the car. When we walked back to the car, it was late and pitch black outside. The area was deserted and had lots of big trees around. So there we are, walking down this path. When his car came into view- (it was in a parking lot down the way and it had a light shining on it), he just suddenly took off and left me on that dark and deserted path while he ran to his car. He just left me there and ran to his car! So he gets the car working and takes me to an alley behind where he worked. He got the car out of the way, since it was not working right and waited for my friend to come pick me up. It was around 1 am. I'm in this alley that was rumored to have crooks in it. So at 1 am, he just up and leaves me in the car...doesn't tell me where he is going...nothing. He just leaves me in the car in this dark alley and starts walking. It turns out he was looking for my friend who was supposed to pick me up, but I did not know that. Those problems are just the tip of the iceberg. He truly is the most dysfunctional man I have ever dated. Seriously, he has a lot of problems. Glad I am rid of him. There are just so many things he did that were strange. I should have left him a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 I had a dream last night that the new g/f wanted to meet me and talk about the ex; in this dream she said he was verbally abusive, etc. Woke up, didn't think about it for the rest of the day...Until a friend called me and said my ex is back on Match.com. I thought it was pretty funny but then thought---it's not at all funny if he is still with his g/f of 4 months and on Match. I don't know the whole story, but what was told is all too familiar. It was exactly 4 months when I was told by someone I never met personally *(only on FB), the he was on Match.com. Of course I didn't' believe it and didn't bother to check. Shaking my head. Had to share. Link to post Share on other sites
kindest Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Oftentimes, I wonder whether he has fully recovered from our breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 With my ex, there was nothing to recover from. He did not grieve for us. He had no remorse. He thought what he put my through was funny. Again, he is a sick bastard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 guys like that move on, unscathed. we are nothing to them, maybe obstacles in their way of moving to something 'better'. Link to post Share on other sites
xxSRMxx Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Do you think men just don't express there emotions as much as women? alot of the posts I see on here are more men! maybe they turn to these forums more because talking to there friends about it, they might appear less macho. hmmm. Im an over analyser too, constantly looking for answers, why what where? and comments are right, I dont believe we will ever get the answer we are looking for!! Oh and bewitched your ex sounds like a douche, a real douche, and im not going to ask you to listen to your own advice (thats easier said than done) but from what i gather youre an intelligent woman who could have the pick of the bunch. **** him!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 guys like that move on, unscathed. we are nothing to them, maybe obstacles in their way of moving to something 'better'. Yes, but you know, they have to live with themselves. My ex is very dysfunctional, can't have a job beyond king of the sandwich makers, every relationship he is in is dysfunctional and now he's physically very sick. So, you know they are the ones that can't help having dysfunctional relationships and they can't learn. We can learn from our mistakes. They can't. We are kind. Their goal in life is to cause their partners as much pain as possible while feeling no remorse. That's sad. We are lucky we are not like them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tree_Salmon Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes, but you know, they have to live with themselves. My ex is very dysfunctional, can't have a job beyond king of the sandwich makers, every relationship he is in is dysfunctional and now he's physically very sick. So, you know they are the ones that can't help having dysfunctional relationships and they can't learn. We can learn from our mistakes. They can't. We are kind. Their goal in life is to cause their partners as much pain as possible while feeling no remorse. That's sad. We are lucky we are not like them. I'm a guy and I don't hate having to let people go but you can't keep putting your hand over the fire and expecting not to get burned. I deal with all the pain head on and then I decide its time to start moving forward. It's sad and painful and all those things everyone else feels (just like women) but it's better than feeling sorry about life and wasting time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Everyone heals differently and on different time lines. I always hated when someone would say 'get over it already'---dont' you just wish you could get over it on command?? LOL. My ex is like poison and i had to eke him out of my system; detox, if you will. It took a lot of time. If he were a normal man, it would hurt, but I would have moved on a lot faster than I did. Having dealt with a Borderline and a Narcisstic took its toll on me, but it's nice that I can dissect the situation and not feel hurt anymore. As for men expressing themselves, a man who is secure in himself has no problem with that---and plus anyone around them can pick up on it anyway, if they are hiding something. Link to post Share on other sites
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