Why is this so damn hard? I used to be fine before her.

[who_knew]

Never really knew relationships would be so devastating. They are amazing when you're in them, but right after the break up and months afterwards you feel like ****.

 

I'm a very introverted person and used to be fine with being alone and actually didn't mind it at all because a lot of my hobbies I do are on the computer or by myself. After being in this relationship I always feel alone and I don't want to get anything I used to have fun doing now. I just hate being alone now.

 

I know my ex didn't have any hard feelings when we broke up. She just needed to figure out her own life and I was too blind to realize I needed to do the same. It almost felt like we were using each other, but at the same time I don't want to believe that because I did love her and being around her.

 

I used to be fairly happy with my life, but after my first relationship and now it being over I feel like my life is not good enough. I keep comparing it to her life. I used to not really care that I didn't have too many close girls as friends, but now I feel like I'm holding myself back and not living a perfect life. I used to be happy with my life, but after seeing someone else's life I feel like I'm not living it up.

 

I'm still not over the breakup and I'm in NC for a bit, i sent her a letter saying I couldn't just be friends because I would always have feelings for her, and then I texted her because I was feeling better a month later and then she said she needed some space because she had become more distrustful of me because of that letter...

 

Like i don't think i want to get back with her, but at the same time i do. I feel so jaded and I feel like i won't ever be fully happy until I'm in a relationship again. How do you deal with this?

[BewitchedandBothered]

won't' be fully happy until you are in a relationship again? You have to be completely happy with yourself before being with someone else or you will be dependent on that other person for your happiness. That is not how it should be. Did you say this was your first love? Let the healing run its course and be for you for awhile. No more contact. if someone wants their space, they mean it. give it to them. No letters or texts. They know how to reach you.

[leannesagoodman]

You're right with your analysis there. Hopefully one day there ll be a relationship that doesn't end like that for you, should you want one, but I know how you feel. It is VERY difficult at the end of a relationship to see a way out of feeling so awful.

 

I think that feeling like you're not living your life to the full after being in this relationship and seeing how another person lives is natural. That's sort of how I feel like now, but at the same time I now see how everything is, and that the things I want to do will happen, in time. Obviously that's not the most comforting response at a time like this for you, but it is true - time will work miracles. I didn't believe that a month ago, or two months ago - I was so far from thinking that anything could ever be right again and it nearly broke me all the way.

 

As it happens, I'm still here, patching up. It will happen for you too, I promise, but it is something that will happen just through endurance and getting through it. It's going to stay feeling awful for a bit, but you've got the right idea with the no contact - for now that's better for you both. Even if you want to talk, at the moment this is what's going to hurt less for you both.

 

Also, what I found has helped me in the long run of things is to just let the emotions out. When I was broken up with, I felt worse than I ever had. Quite frankly I wanted to die and I couldn't see a way out. Obviously I didn't show that level of emotion to anyone in real life, but when I was on my own I let myself be sad. If I was angry, I let myself be angry. Getting the emotions out now prevents them from building up for later, or that's what I found for myself at least.

 

As for seeing a taste of a life that you like the look of now, what's stopping you from going and getting it? I mean you don't have to change your whole personality or lifestyle, but I'd say if you like the look of something, why not? I know some things aren't as simple as that - god, if they were I'd spend my weekends out at parties instead of doing work - but if they are gettable, as it were, go for it. You have a right to be happy, however that comes about.

 

It's going to take time, and you won't believe me when I say it now, but one day you will just realise - you can be happy again. In the meantime though all us people on LS are here for you to help.

[hotloader]

I feel so jaded and I feel like i won't ever be fully happy until I'm in a relationship again. How do you deal with this?

 

In my experience, you don't. I went through it twice in my life with the same girl. She's the bookends to my love life as far as I'm concerned. I really don't wanna get into personal detail here, but she was the one I could never get outta my mind my whole life. We dated for years back in high school, kept in touch, and reconnected as adults by happenstance. She was everything to me, and....to put it plain and simple, I wasn't enough. I was a just a fling to her, pretty much both times around. Sure, she came on pretty strong and was good at telling me what I wanted to hear, but in the end...actions speak louder than words. You don't cheat on your "soul mate" (her words...not mine), ya know?

 

It ended a few months ago. She immediately hooked up with someone else (not even the guy she cheated on me with), and that was it. The relationship had become a LDR in it's latter stages (long story), so it's cool that I don't have to ever bump into her. I never even have to see her again if I don't want to....which I don't.

 

If that was one big illusion from the get-go, then I give up. And I have. I'll hang out and screw chicks or whatever (never thought I'd be saying that at 34), but I'm done with the "hopeless romantic" crap. It's like believing in the tooth fairy. Blah.

[blindesided]

I feel the same way! I was always a happy person. Even after my divorce - I was happy & bulidng a new life. I liked to be alone & relished the thought of going home to peace & quiet. Now after meeting and dating someone for 6mos & then being dumped suddenly - its a shock to the system. Now I find myself not wanting to go home & face being alone. I remember sharing good times with my guy at the house, and all the excting dates we went on. It seems like I will never meet anyone as good as him. I think its tough now adjusting to a new routine without him. I actually long for the days before I met him & wish I could go back to being my "happy" self. Part of me wishes I never wouldve met him - the pain is just too intense and unbearable right now. I know logically I dont need a man to make me happy - I have been on my own & enjoyed it the past - I just hope & pray I can get back to that feeling again. This makes me so leary of even wanting to date again - but the flip side of the coin is that thought scares me too - I want someone to share my life with