BewitchedandBothered Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 so you know he left 14x in 6 years. and you all know - as I lay myself bare and exposed from my pitiful soul, that i always took him back with open arms and false hopes that "this time" it would be the last time he walked...that he finally realized.... The first time he left me, it had nothing to do with me. He was still thinking about his ex, who incidentally, called him off the hook (harassment, really) every day for one and a half years, crying, begging, until he finally relented and tried to see what could happen with HER if he left me. So that first time, i cried on the couch while he spoke to me very gently and said he was so sorry.... and he left me. I called too. I cried. The first time he came back because he felt "terrible" about seeing me crying like that, because I was "so sweet" of a person. Then, as history repeated itself for different reasons, (i.e. "I feel like my life is passing me by" - or...one time it was "This doesn't feel like MY house... I don't like living under your roof" [the house is ours legally but they are my teenagers...] - or... "I need to think about MY retirement and save my money" or..."You should go back to your ex-husband, go get him back. I'm not the right guy for you. I'm the wrong guy..." to finally, this last whammy was, "You drink too much! You are vicious!" (yes I was drinking quite a bit. He would say stop it, then he would bring home a bottle to "party" with me on the weekend! I drank because I was on eggshells all the time. Every time we had a disagreement he would say, "not another word!" one time he looked at the clock and said "you have 2 minutes to make your point and stare at the clock" Other times he would whistle over me. He always liked to whistle through the house after an argument while I was upset and silent. His favorite thing to do if I didn't "shut the f*ck up" would be to dangle his car keys and say "one more word i'm leaving." Then if I said "why?" THAT was the "one" word. And he would go and shut his phone off - He literally would sleep in his truck on the bridge or by the beach. It was insanity. So this last time I gave it to him and "helped" him pack. When he said "don't love you, wanna leave." I had had it. I threw his crap on the lawn in the rain, I swore and said things I can't believe I said. And I YELLED them. I even tripped over my own feet and cut my knee open while he stood there shaking his head in disgust at me. Then he left. And now he says he will never move back because he doesn't want to "entertain the neighbors"... or at least that's what he said a month ago. I haven't talked to him since. So again, it's my fault. I'm just exhausted, sad, tired, lonely, miserable, and full of hate and love all mixed up. But I am on NC and I'm doing well with it. Considering he won't tell me where in town he's living, I figure the less I know the better! And ditto to him. He doesn't need to know about me either if he's going to end up being a dick after I gave him 6 years of tolerance, love, forgiveness, and hope. ..he didn't end up being a dick; he was always a dick. he just used his know=how to lure you in. This man is toxic for you; even if he came back with roses for you, he is toxic; poison. Trust me when I say eventually you will feel nothing but a sprinkling of pity for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Itsonlyme66 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 why do I feel like I left a bad taste in HIS mouth? I feel like he truly thinks I'm a crazy psycho because I let go the day he left. Then he said, "After the way you acted I can never come back." But wait a minute.... you were leaving anyway! BEFORE I acted like that! It is just a big WTF ... i would say moment, but it's a big WTF 6 years. like I did something bad, behaved badly, so now i'm not worth the air I take up and he could just leave and not even worry whether I'm alive or dead? As long as the mortgage is paid I guess, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 why do I feel like I left a bad taste in HIS mouth? I feel like he truly thinks I'm a crazy psycho because I let go the day he left. Then he said, "After the way you acted I can never come back." But wait a minute.... you were leaving anyway! BEFORE I acted like that! It is just a big WTF ... i would say moment, but it's a big WTF 6 years. like I did something bad, behaved badly, so now i'm not worth the air I take up and he could just leave and not even worry whether I'm alive or dead? As long as the mortgage is paid I guess, huh? Narcissists always turn the tables; they project to take the negative stuff off them and put it onto the compassionate person. It's just what they do. Any way that you acted was merely a response to how he treated you. They like to bring out the inner ugly in people that are normally loving, peaceful and compassionate. They feed on drama. Don't feed the animals at the zoo; don't reward his bad behavior by reacting to him. If you act indifferent, they get baffled, LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Itsonlyme66 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Then he is going to be baffled by me, because for the first time in 14 breakups, I ain't contacting him. If I want to be messed with, I'll buy a crossword book. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Itsonlyme66 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 He DID make me UGLY. After awhile, I became: insecure insulting paranoid exasperated TRYING TOO HARD pissed! That is not who I am nor ever was. thanks B&B for pointing that out. Fits a Narc profile to a tee. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Then he is going to be baffled by me, because for the first time in 14 breakups, I ain't contacting him. If I want to be messed with, I'll buy a crossword book. Narcissists crave attention and drama. Give him a case of "spotlightis interruptis" and he will be wondering what's going on. I took an antidepressant because it was awful and I needed to take the edge off. It made me mellow and numb, so when he started his crap with me, I was unaffected. He said "Nothing gets you mad anymore! Why????" or "I miss 'debating' with you"-Yes, he said those things. He got mad I was on this pill and would make fun of me for it. Saying it was the "Lexapro effect", etc. I took it because of him. I am off it, now, but when you have to pop pills because of these twerps, something aint' right;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Itsonlyme66 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 OMG I just remembered something huge! He used to say to me (verbatim): If I want to be an *******, just let me be one. You don't have to lower YOURSELF! Why can't you let me be an ass and just maintain your compose and be quiet like a lady until it's over?" Yes, he did not like MY RESPONSES and that there is proof! He really thought he should be able to act HOWEVER, and I should have the CLASS AND INTELLIGENCE WITH MATURITY to overlook it and be quiet! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts