cflowers32 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 You know, it's really new, I'm glad for right now I did call, but I need to get all the "closure" information for me to live with. The whole thing was left, with I don't want to do this but I feel I have to, I still love you, and I'm so attracted to you, and we never fight, and we're best friends (that's hard to swallow), and I need the stuff that is going to help me shut MY DOOR, while he goes and "figures it all out." He has his. I told him I want to leave him alone, but I want closure on it because it makes NO SENSE TO ME!!! I'm going to get through this, I am going to keep coming here and starting tomorrow it's back to work. I posted on FB tonight, "who wants to go play after work tomorrow??? I know I can do this, but I need my gun and ALL of my ammo, not a couple off bb's and a bb gun. I'm doing this prepared. And yes, I know, I know, I know I have to NC!!!!!!! PS - if it matters, I did good, no throwing stones, no "but I want you back" mostly, I want closure, I want the truth, I need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I wouldn't want a guy back who let me go. It means he has crappy judgment, LOL;) It's like remember being a kid and begging parents for a toy, begging over and over and over...Then finally, they get it for you and then you're like, eh, it's not all it was cracked up to be. That's how it is with taking people back who let us go in the first place. What was he doing when you called? And why hasn't he done any calling if he was your best friend? I don't get it. Don't call him anymore. You owe it to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cflowers32 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 And the thing is, I've done this before, and I know it's hard, and I've gone MONTHS without calling someone, so I can do this, but I swear, I want closure, I don't care if it hurts, THAT is what IS going to help me!! My greater good. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 And the thing is, I've done this before, and I know it's hard, and I've gone MONTHS without calling someone, so I can do this, but I swear, I want closure, I don't care if it hurts, THAT is what IS going to help me!! My greater good. Your closure will come from within; not from that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
jennisfora Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 i've done this Cf, and i can say at the time i did feel better, i felt like he helped me by giving me answers, but, like an hour after the call, strange thing happened. i started crying uncontrollably, and wanting to text him and couldnt get him out of my mind like the day after the break up. it really isnt worth it, you may feel better right after, but sooner or later it hits you like a ton of bricks, and you have to start all over, and try not to give into the addiction of reaching out. it is like quitting smoking. *hugs* 3 Link to post Share on other sites
flyman Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Hi cflower, I totally agree with jennisfora, talking to your ex does make you feel better. In my case, it hits me in the face the next day. I feel like crap and it takes me some time to get back on my feet again (working out really helps). It is good that you stood strong and tried to get closure. Some people really need that to move on. I hope it is a step in the right direction for you. NC, NC, NC Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 And the thing is, I've done this before, and I know it's hard, and I've gone MONTHS without calling someone, so I can do this, but I swear, I want closure, I don't care if it hurts, THAT is what IS going to help me!! My greater good. What I suggest is consider the person no longer alive, treat them like they are dead to you. You can talk to dead people but they are not very responsive. Treat it as you won't get closure. Death is your closure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 What I suggest is consider the person no longer alive, treat them like they are dead to you. You can talk to dead people but they are not very responsive. Treat it as you won't get closure. Death is your closure. The dumper moved on months before they actually do the dumping, so you won't get any answers that will satisfy you===you will want to know more. He wants space; give him all the space he needs. Don't cave in anymore; he's not as stellar as you think he is or he would sweep you off your feet instead of acting all underpantsy. You want a real man, not a sissy la-la who's afraid of his own shadow. Link to post Share on other sites
blindesided Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I know the hardest part is wondering why if things were so great - why the other person doesnt want to be with you. I am struggling mightly with this. I think it would be easier if there was fighting or turmoil involved - then you can at least point to a reason. But its hard being left in limbo without answers. It makes you question everything since you didnt see it coming. How can two people be so (seemingly) happy one day & then the next - its like nothing is there. I dont understand it. I also think that just for that second of contact you do feel better - but then its a bitter backwards slide. I dont think you will ever hear what you want to hear - I know I was told that he just doesnt feel that "chemistry" even though he said it was the best sex he had in his life. I felt the "chemistry" so why didnt he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cflowers32 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 I know the hardest part is wondering why if things were so great - why the other person doesnt want to be with you. I am struggling mightly with this. I think it would be easier if there was fighting or turmoil involved - then you can at least point to a reason. But its hard being left in limbo without answers. It makes you question everything since you didnt see it coming. How can two people be so (seemingly) happy one day & then the next - its like nothing is there. I dont understand it. I also think that just for that second of contact you do feel better - but then its a bitter backwards slide. I dont think you will ever hear what you want to hear - I know I was told that he just doesnt feel that "chemistry" even though he said it was the best sex he had in his life. I felt the "chemistry" so why didnt he? Ditto, and I know it. I just want to keep letting it out so I can let him go and do what he needs to do. It's so fresh now and I know once I get passed day 1, it will get much easier after that point. One day at a time, and I know I'm going to do it. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
blindesided Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I tell myself the same thing too - One day at a time - & This too shall pass - logically I know it - emotionaly is a different story - I feel like I will never get past it & move on - but thats why its good to vent on here & let these feelings out - I really hope it works - I feel better for a few minutes after posting (gives me something to focus on other than him) But then a few minutes later - the pain comes crashing back in Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I know the hardest part is wondering why if things were so great - why the other person doesnt want to be with you. I am struggling mightly with this. I think it would be easier if there was fighting or turmoil involved - then you can at least point to a reason. But its hard being left in limbo without answers. It makes you question everything since you didnt see it coming. How can two people be so (seemingly) happy one day & then the next - its like nothing is there. I dont understand it. I also think that just for that second of contact you do feel better - but then its a bitter backwards slide. I dont think you will ever hear what you want to hear - I know I was told that he just doesnt feel that "chemistry" even though he said it was the best sex he had in his life. I felt the "chemistry" so why didnt he? Sex is just sex and it can be earth moving. Chemistry is spiritual, sexual, everything all in one. He had no problems with the physical stuff; he just wasn't there spiritually. He can detach sex from love/chemistry, where you were more into it more than just sex. He shouldn't have taken liberties with you if he wasn't feeling the same as you. shame on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cflowers32 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 I wouldn't want a guy back who let me go. It means he has crappy judgment, LOL;) It's like remember being a kid and begging parents for a toy, begging over and over and over... EXACTLY, and I totally agree. I am doing the best I can, and I have to say, I think I'm doing VERY well, but BB, I am going to say what I need to also because I do believe he's making a mistake and YES, he will be the one to have to figure it out because I AM going to let him. So for me, for my soul, my heart, my head, I am going to at least say my peace. That IS for me. Believe me, I guarantee you, in another week, we'll be counting the days I haven't called, texted, emailed. Today is a new day, it's 6:00PM, I'm here and all I can do is keep coming here. Thank you!! I appreciate all of you right now, you have no idea!! Link to post Share on other sites
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