What should I do?

[Flying Goose]

Sorry for this long first post, this has been bugging me for a while, and I would appreciate opinions and suggestions.

 

Ok, I'll try and start from the beginning. There's this girl I like, met her at the start of uni this (last) year. Got along straight away imo, and sort of grew to like here quite quickly. Haven't been in a relationship before and not even sure what I want - just have that feeling where you enjoy their company a lot and kinda wish you had that more. Anyways, the feeling grew over the first term. On one alcohol-aided occassion, I managed to get some semblance of courage to ask something - although didn't quite know why on hindsight. We were at a club and I asked her for a dance. She seemed surprised internally, but didn't really show it. She replied that she was already dancing. This proceeded to plague my mind for the ensuing time and has done so ever since. I've now come to the position that it meant one or of several things: 1. she was so shocked, she didn't know what to say and just said something; 2. she was shy because we were in a group of 4 friends and would have been uncomfortable; 3.she didn't like me that way; 4.she didn't understand (unlikely). The fact there was no reference to this the following days sort of suggests that 2 might not be true, in my paranoid mind. What does this mean? I only wish I knew.

 

Some quite relevant information I managed to miss out.

 

I (indirectly & quite wrongly) suggested to her friend how I felt early on. About a week after the reply I got at the club when asking her to dance, I was told by her friend that the girl doesn't think she would consider going out with a friend. I was assured (don't belive it myself) it wasn't in response to a query about me, but a general query.

 

Towards the end of that term, at a club, she said to her friend that she likes a guy (from another year) and pointed to him. She proceeded to tell 2 other ppl around me, but avoided talking to me. Any meaningful special insight into this? It suggests she didn't forget what I said on the earlier occasion and was aware of what I was asking, ruling out 4.

 

The next term, things were a little weird - got on ok, but not much happened. Didn't help I wasn't really myself for most of this time and much of that was inevitably due to me being a little more quiet in general, so can't make an unbiased assessment. I still remained in general, just as nice as before - didn't actively try to avoid/seek her or anything - just let things flow as they would.

 

This last (3rd) term everything was opposite again. Got to know her a a lot more than I had in the first and came to realise we have far more things in common than I or herself was aware of. We spent some time together just chatting and things, but mainly related to helping each other out with work, but seemed to get on ok there. The only thing I can say that I found there's something about the eyecontact that I can't explain, but it feels weird for me anyway. Weird in a good way that is - and it seems to be mutual. Now this was all fair and ok - and I took this to mean we just became better friends. I don't know what happened with the guy she liked, but she doesn't seem to show any particular interest in him anymore (just from looking at how she reacts when he's around). She texted me on random occasions just to ask how everything was going (related to exam preparation) but this was something she hadn't done before - i.e. just texting/calling without a unique question/query.

 

Now what started to confuse me and get me all mixed up was her behaviour in the last week. She seemed to become a lot more interested in me and came to my room for the first time, related to some work, which didn't really need her to. She found out I was going somewhere, but kept insisting I stay (this would be expected). What I didn't expect/understand though was why she insisted on asking me to go to the club several times that evening after I'd already said I wouldn't. Also why she insisted I attend something the next week.

 

I guess my problem is I like her a lot. I tried to get over her after getting a strange reply to my question at the start of the year, but failed miserably. Can't seem to get her out of my mind and it's been 8 months. I would like something to happen, but I don't know what to make of the signs. It doesn't help that she's quite shy and on comparing her behaviour to other guys I can't say much really, other than that it seems we're reasonable friends - it seems though that that is how she wants to appear to every1, even the guy i know she liked. I'd like to do something, but i don't know what/how. Any help would be appreciated.

[faux]

I can tell you right away what you are doing wrong: You are attempting to make inferences from he said/she said comments. You are driving yourself nuts attempting to rationalize what you have observed, and this is already impossible because your feelings come into play.

 

If you are confused as to this girl's interest, feelings or intentions, you need to ask her bluntly about them. Ask if she is interested, but be specific. You want specific answers that will satisfy you with solid answers. Take the guess work out.

 

Try something like, "Are you attracted to me? Would you like to go out on a date with me?" after explaining to her your interest in her again. The best way to get answers is to ask specific questions. Just asking "Are you interested in me?" leaves the door wide open for confusing responses which can be misinterpreted. Try to get "Yes" or "No" responses, and be sure that whatever response you get from this girl you are completely satisfied with what she means. If you don't fully and completely understand everything she says, ask for clarification — tell her to rephrase it to be sure you are on her level.

 

Do not listen to her friends, as this will only spread more confusion. Go to the source and ask her, and be up-front about things.

 

Do not take "Maybe" for asking her out on a date. Tell her you need a definite answer, and when you get one you need a specific time and place. If you get an indirect answer ask her to clarify and give you something definite. I think it unwise to wait around for her when you have no solid idea of her intentions.

[Flying Goose]

I think you're right faux. I tried to put that plan into action just before the holidays, but had difficulties with "the right time".

 

Any suggestions on that?

 

I guess I'll just have to find some suitable situation to do that next term. Presumably, the situation will naturally arise if she's interested.

 

Thanks faux.