New here. Married woman who had affair and just ended for good I hope

[stillafool]

May I ask where the user control panel is on this site? I would like to enable the pm feature if possible. I realize you all are beating a dead horse here.....

 

You may want to move to the OW section. You may find more people over there who are like you.

[nofool4u]

May I ask where the user control panel is on this site? I would like to enable the pm feature if possible. I realize you all are beating a dead horse here.....

 

Nuff said, maybe a mod can now close this thread.

[twosadthings]

Owl is the one who usually says to a BS "Have a Plan". I think you should also have a plan for the eventuality that your past is discovered.

 

I think also that if you have examined yourself and truely feel, without lying to yourself, that you can be faithful in the future until the end of your life you should take whatever steps are necessary to avoid your past becoming a loveone's present after you're gone. You don't have to live in a George Clooney movie to realize that could happen even before a ripe old age.

[stillafool]

I think you should also have a plan for the eventuality that your past is discovered.

 

 

That's why I told her earlier to stop the posting on all these boards if she wants to keep her secret. Affairs have a way of being found out no matter how hard one tries to conceal it. It is as if it is owed to the BS to know the truth.

[bentnotbroken]

My that is strong rhetoric for a "new" poster

 

As it is, there are fWS who have pretty much said the same thing to the OP as the vast majority of other contributors so your logic fails

 

 

On this board and another board with a protected section for WS. They have also told her the same things. Sounds like the new poster may need to find another ax to grind.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Yeah they are doing a better job over on SI.com. Someone point blank asked Bell if she would tell the truth if her H asked if she was cheating...Bell admitted she'd probably lie.

 

ARGGG NOO!! DON'T!!! If he asks....he may actually have proof already and may be testing you. You may think you are "saving" your family...but if you lie at that point you are REALLY REALLY ASKING FOR IT. The chances he already knows for sure are soooo much higher if he asks...and you will destroy a ton of credibility. My W did that to me repeatedly as she trickle truthed. It is the one of the most damaging things you can possibly do to your family. To know know the truth, go to your spouse, ask for it, and see them straight faced lie with all the skill they possess. Wow that really destroys things. I've rarely been so angry in all my life as in those moments.

(oops, had posted some links to SI...didn't know that wasn't allowed. Thanks for the tip WWIU)

Edited April 11, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband

[despicableME]

and please don't judge me.

 

I find it amusing when posters resort to this line in their opening.

 

 

Look, I'm taking the first steps to recovery.

 

The first and most important step to recovery is TOTAL honesty and FULL transparency, none of which you are displaying. What you're practicing is self-preservation and rugsweeping in the guise of a noble act, such as not wanting to inflict further pain. The truth is, your husband's world is shattered and his marriage is over- he just doesn't know it yet.

 

 

you may not believe me, but I do love my H very much.

 

Wow! If that's what you call love, I'd be curious to see if you hated him very much.

Edited April 11, 2012 by despicableME

[Furious]

Bellechia you entered into an open marriage, not once but twice, without informing your husband of the game change. Now you've changed the rules again and want to be in a traditional marriage.

 

Your last OM, was no friend to your husband or children, and you calling him your friend and that you will miss him speaks volumes.

 

No one is perfect, but some learn from their mistakes and others creates more mistakes to cover up past mistakes.

[Bellechica]

I do not seek anyone's validation nor sympathy. I have learned things from LS even if I do not take all of the advice that is given. Thank you most sincerely.

[nofool4u]

I do not seek anyone's validation nor sympathy. I have learned things from LS even if I do not take all of the advice that is given. Thank you most sincerely.

 

Really? What have you learned other than you have a desire to get away with what you did and continue to manipulate your husband?

[Bellechica]

I have taken to heart the advice on setting boundaries and the need for me to be in IC. I am reading other threads as well which are assisting me with communicating better with my H about problems we have had. I have thought about Owl's post that it would be devastating if the A were to surface after my own death. I've really thought about that...I mean I could die in a car accident today. Sorry, I'm sure there are some of you think that would be great.

 

I am doing the best I can do for my own M. You do not know my background nor my culture. I do process what you all post on these threads even if I don't agree with everything.

[bentnotbroken]

I have taken to heart the advice on setting boundaries and the need for me to be in IC. I am reading other threads as well which are assisting me with communicating better with my H about problems we have had. I have thought about Owl's post that it would be devastating if the A were to surface after my own death. I've really thought about that...I mean I could die in a car accident today. Sorry, I'm sure there are some of you think that would be great.

 

I am doing the best I can do for my own M. You do not know my background nor my culture. I do process what you all post on these threads even if I don't agree with everything.

 

 

Stop trying to figure out what everyone else thinks and deal with your own thoughts for doing the stuff you do. You aren't sure what any of us think. You aren't even sure of what you think.

[JustJoe]

I have taken to heart the advice on setting boundaries and the need for me to be in IC. I am reading other threads as well which are assisting me with communicating better with my H about problems we have had. I have thought about Owl's post that it would be devastating if the A were to surface after my own death. I've really thought about that...I mean I could die in a car accident today. Sorry, I'm sure there are some of you think that would be great.

 

I am doing the best I can do for my own M. You do not know my background nor my culture. I do process what you all post on these threads even if I don't agree with everything.

Belle, Nobody believes anything you say, so why continue to say it? If you were talking to people who have not been involved in affairs, you might get away with it, but you are talking to people who know what lies you are going to tell, even before you tell them. You really should go to the WS forum where you can find some other liars to compare notes on how best to continue to deceive your husband. Most of the posters here have been BS, WS or OP and are aware of all the selfish dodges you are trying to get us to believe. The ONE thing we all have in common is that we believe in honesty and respect (after hard lessons) , two things you don't believe in at all. Few believe that you are in IC, fewer believe that you are trying to spare your family pain, and almost ALL believe that you are trying very hard to cover your own a**. So do yourself a favor and go hobnob with the liars, where you belong.

[JustJoe]

BTW, NO culture condones deceit, adultery or lying, unless you're from Mars.

[nofool4u]

I have taken to heart the advice on setting boundaries and the need for me to be in IC. I am reading other threads as well which are assisting me with communicating better with my H about problems we have had.

 

So basically you will communicate with him, and make him think that he has a major problem, while not letting him know there is another major problem....he is married to a cheater.

 

Good communication doesn't include lying and manipulation.

 

I have thought about Owl's post that it would be devastating if the A were to surface after my own death. I've really thought about that...I mean I could die in a car accident today. Sorry, I'm sure there are some of you think that would be great.

 

Sorry, the woe is me thing isn't going to work. You can dispense with the drama. Nobody wishes that on anyone.

 

 

I am doing the best I can do for my own M.

 

No, you are not.

 

 

You do not know my background nor my culture.

 

What does it matter? Unless your background and culture see it as a-ok to lie and manipulate people.

 

 

I do process what you all post on these threads even if I don't agree with everything.

 

Here is one thing I think everyone can agree on, except you and the other cheaters. Good people don't deserve to be lied to, mentally manipulated, and kept in the dark about things that can shape their future of which they are not given the choice from there betrayer.

 

In other words, your H deserves better. MUCH better.

[despicableME]

So basically you will communicate with him, and make him think that he has a major problem, while not letting him know there is another major problem....he is married to a cheater.

 

BAZINGA!

 

 

You do realize you're letting him think there's something wrong with him, right?

 

The thing of it is, I'd have more sympathy for you if it was your first time-- being scared of losing it all, but this is your second time cheating on this man. You might not want to admit it, but this makes you a serial cheater.

Edited April 11, 2012 by despicableME

[SomedayDig]

BAZINGA!

 

 

You do realize you're letting him think there's something wrong with him, right?

 

 

^^THIS is exactly the truth. I can't tell you how many times over the years my W would ask me to work on myself so that WE could fix our marriage. In the end, she admitted that this was created/imagined crap to hide her own betrayal and lies. Now, knowing about her A, I can tell you I thought for so long that everything was my fault only to find out it was fabricated.

Belle, if you truly and I mean TRULY want your marriage to work, you'll stop this stupid f'ng game on this forum and come clean to your H. About EVERYTHING. Then, maybe, you will see what honesty is about. And you know what? He just might leave you. And that'd be okay.

[Bellechica]

I don't make my H feel like he is the problem at all. We are both focusing on the positives in our M but we have both acknowledged that we let our M take low priority. I'm not claiming to be an angel in my M.

It seems you all run people like me off: a woman who betrayed and quit and wants to try to make things work.

I will stay just to provide another opinion in the future to someone perhaps in a similar situation. Or I suppose someone can ban me if I'm hated so much. I don't mind being in the minority and I truly have gotten a lot out of reading the threads.

[bentnotbroken]

^^THIS is exactly the truth. I can't tell you how many times over the years my W would ask me to work on myself so that WE could fix our marriage. In the end, she admitted that this was created/imagined crap to hide her own betrayal and lies. Now, knowing about her A, I can tell you I thought for so long that everything was my fault only to find out it was fabricated.

Belle, if you truly and I mean TRULY want your marriage to work, you'll stop this stupid f'ng game on this forum and come clean to your H. About EVERYTHING. Then, maybe, you will see what honesty is about. And you know what? He just might leave you. And that'd be okay.

 

 

I got the same crap. I did everything I thought he wanted to be the wife he desired. Damn near killed myself literally because I thought the only way I could help him was to die and let him get insurance money.

[Bellechica]

But we probably have beaten this thread to death....I'll follow others' threads now....thank you all.

[SomedayDig]

I don't think anyone is trying to "run you off", I think they are just telling you what you don't want to hear and that is you will NEVER "fix" your M until you admit your adultery. Period. How can you think things will be great if he doesn't know? You're not giving him the chance to truly know who you are. Therefore, the M is a farce.

[bentnotbroken]

I don't make my H feel like he is the problem at all. We are both focusing on the positives in our M but we have both acknowledged that we let our M take low priority. I'm not claiming to be an angel in my M.

It seems you all run people like me off: a woman who betrayed and quit and wants to try to make things work.

I will stay just to provide another opinion in the future to someone perhaps in a similar situation. Or I suppose someone can ban me if I'm hated so much. I don't mind being in the minority and I truly have gotten a lot out of reading the threads.

 

 

Here we go with the "woman" filter again. Lying isn't exclusive to women or men. You are called on lying,not being a woman. The drama statements about what people wish for you, or hate you are all a part of your "woe is me scenario". It only serves to feed the fantasy you have going on but little to rectify the situation.

[ISurvived]

I don't make my H feel like he is the problem at all. We are both focusing on the positives in our M but we have both acknowledged that we let our M take low priority. I'm not claiming to be an angel in my M.

It seems you all run people like me off: a woman who betrayed and quit and wants to try to make things work.

I will stay just to provide another opinion in the future to someone perhaps in a similar situation. Or I suppose someone can ban me if I'm hated so much. I don't mind being in the minority and I truly have gotten a lot out of reading the threads.

But he didn't deal with problems in the M by screwing two, count 'em two, other women.

 

No one is trying to run you off but no one is going to condone lying to your BH either. Even FWS are telling you to tell the truth. I guess they don't know what they are talking about either, do they?

[stillafool]

I might add that you don't need to be PM'ing anyone on any board, especially a man. I'm sure you don't want to get yourself in more trouble. Do you?

[Bellechica]

It's find to call me a liar but I think it's wrong to be referring to men as cuckolds. This really should be a civil discussion. We are all from various backgrounds but I would like to think we are above such childish behavior.