need some quick advice

[Mike]

Ok, I posted to this board long ago and got some good advice now I need a little encouragement again.

 

My Ex girlfriend (who is 19) is leaving this coming thursday---joining the Navy. We broke up because I didnt' respect her space, her decisions, her life, etc. She says she still cares for me and would like to get together again, but not till I learn to not be "all over her all the time". She said she wants to be an important part of my life, and me to be an important part of her life, but NOT for us to be the only thing that matters in life without exceptions. I see the logic in that because we are both still young and have a lot of things going for us. Anyway, this summer we spent some time apart and when we saw each other she was ready to give it another shot, but once again I was too aggressive and she pulled back.

 

So here's my problem. She's leaving in 2 days for basic traning, and I wont' hear from her at all for 9 weeks. I know the best thing to do now is to stay away, to let her spend these last few days getting ready and with her family. Now is a great opportunity to show her that I can be less intrusive. I realize all that, however, I'm having a hard time with it. I just really wish I could call her to say that I'll miss her, and would like to stop and see her one more time befoer she goes. On one hand I'm telling myself a quick phone call won' cause any harm, but yet she told me a few weeks ago that she KNOWS I can't go that long without talking to her and she is a bit afraid of that, so I really think it's best if I let her make that decision on when to talk.

 

The last 2 days, I tried calling her but she was not home, and I drove by her house twice and was going to stop by if she was home, but fortunatly she was not.

 

I just need to get my mind off of things, because deep down I know I have to SHOW her I'll give her space and let HER decide when she wants to get back together, because that is the only way it'll work. It's like smoking though, you know you want to quit, but just there comes a time when you feel you have to have another, just like I feel I have to see her or talk to her one more time, even though I know it's bad in the long run.

 

Any words of advice or encouragement to help me out these next few days? Thanks.

[Paulie]

Listen, My Man, Listen Carefully!

Be a MAN...Don't GO THERE. The fact that she said that you wouldn't be able to stay away was a bitxh thing to say, in my opinion, and would be enough of a motivation for me.

 

Yeah, it hurts, but you know what's gonna hurt more?

 

You going over there, and having her feel smothered, and giving you the cold shoulder.

 

Listen, she may very well love you. I'm sure she does, really. It's not like she's going to Panama City Beach, my man. She's going in the military...she's not gonna be hooking up, or anything is what I'm getting at.

 

Let it go!!!

 

Love something, let it go...If it's yours, it'll come back.

 

My guess is that she'll call you once before she leaves anyway. BUT DON'T drive by the house, goddamnit, or call her, for that matter. Show her that you're a MAN.

 

Later,

 

Paulie

[Mike]

Thanks for the quick response. not that it pertains directly to the topic, but I'm pretty sure she wont' call before she leaves. I have been through this before, and when she pulls away, she pulls away hard. As I said, once it appears to her that I understand I have been acting a bit crazy, she is always willing to give it another shot. Just it's a bit different this time because she wont' be here for much longer.

 

What you said about being a man is true, and that is honestly exactly what she wants in a guy. Some girls like it when you play hard to get, others want someone who will be nice to them, but I know exactly what she wants is someone who will not let their emotions get the best of them and will deal with what is in front of them. But also, she doesnt' go for the opposite. If me (or anyone else for that matter) tried to act "too much" like a guy by orderign people around and constantly saying how good you are at things, etc, that turns her off too.

 

I guess I know time will take care of things If I just can manage to get through the next few days and show her I'm man enough to accept what she wants instead of trying to influence her otherwise. As I said though, my emotion are telling me that I want to see her or talk to her though before she leaves no matter what, and that is hard to deal with at this time.

[Tony T]

Don't call her, don't drive by her house, don't think about her, don't send her Email, forget her name, forget her address, forget the branch of the service she has joined, forget everything about her.

 

That's the only way you will drive her nuts and make her become MAD about you!!!

[Tabatha]

I'm just going to give it to you straight. I've gone out with a lot of men in my life and trust me when I say that you have to back off. Let her chase you and show her that you have a life outside of her. Trust me, it will either have her running back to you or she will go the other way. If she goes the other way, she was going to anyway.

Ok, I posted to this board long ago and got some good advice now I need a little encouragement again. My Ex girlfriend (who is 19) is leaving this coming thursday---joining the Navy. We broke up because I didnt' respect her space, her decisions, her life, etc. She says she still cares for me and would like to get together again, but not till I learn to not be "all over her all the time". She said she wants to be an important part of my life, and me to be an important part of her life, but NOT for us to be the only thing that matters in life without exceptions. I see the logic in that because we are both still young and have a lot of things going for us. Anyway, this summer we spent some time apart and when we saw each other she was ready to give it another shot, but once again I was too aggressive and she pulled back. So here's my problem. She's leaving in 2 days for basic traning, and I wont' hear from her at all for 9 weeks. I know the best thing to do now is to stay away, to let her spend these last few days getting ready and with her family. Now is a great opportunity to show her that I can be less intrusive. I realize all that, however, I'm having a hard time with it. I just really wish I could call her to say that I'll miss her, and would like to stop and see her one more time befoer she goes. On one hand I'm telling myself a quick phone call won' cause any harm, but yet she told me a few weeks ago that she KNOWS I can't go that long without talking to her and she is a bit afraid of that, so I really think it's best if I let her make that decision on when to talk.

 

The last 2 days, I tried calling her but she was not home, and I drove by her house twice and was going to stop by if she was home, but fortunatly she was not. I just need to get my mind off of things, because deep down I know I have to SHOW her I'll give her space and let HER decide when she wants to get back together, because that is the only way it'll work. It's like smoking though, you know you want to quit, but just there comes a time when you feel you have to have another, just like I feel I have to see her or talk to her one more time, even though I know it's bad in the long run. Any words of advice or encouragement to help me out these next few days? Thanks.