need

[occhick1970]

Where to start.... I have never touched any sort of durg...(unless you count beer) that being said I have a problem. After 15 years of being married I found myself in the dating world again, I met a man who literally turned my life inside out. He is everything my husband never was.. a total polar opposite of the man I spent the last 15 years with. My ex was damn near perfect...so that's probably not saying much.

 

The night I met my current boyfriend, he told me that he was a recovering drug addict. His honesty is probably one of the things that jumped out and grabbed me right from the start. He is sweet and loveable and makes me feel things that my ex husband never did. But he is also mean and controlling and treats me like a piece of **** at times. There are those who will ask why I put up with this and to be honest I don't know except to say I love him with all my heat, please think before making comments. So please remember I am hear to try and feel better so be nice when making comments.

 

I know that my boyfriend has relapsed, I have read his text messages. If I confront him, I have to walk away. I have always told him that if he returns to the life of drugs I'm done. However its not that cut and dry I love this man very much. If I was to turn my back on him now I"m afraid he'd spiral completely out of control. As of right now, he has a great job that he goes to every day. He has good family ties. He contributes to the household with as much as he can every week.

 

His anger issues are what is killing our relationship. He isn't violent, but he is mean with his words. I can only assume its the drugs causing his mood swings but I just don't know what I can do to make it better. When I read his text messages I make sure to make little guilty comments to make him think twice about his actions...and I hope that they work.

 

If anyone out there can offers some words of wisdom...other than walk away I'd love to hear it.

[wow04]

My suggestion would be to go to Alanon. They can help you on dealing with him.

My boyfriend and I are both recovering drug addicts. If he goes back to using, I am gone. I know it is easier said than done, but I have to do what is best for me and my children. I love my boyfriend like I have never loved before.

Was your boyfriend in recovery when you met him? Did his actions just change recently?

If you say yes to the two questions above, it is because he is using again.

I am not being mean, but you have no idea what kind of roller coaster you are going to be riding if you stay with him. Can I ask what his drug of choice is?

[Forever Learning]

 

he is also mean and controlling and treats me like a piece of ****

 

this is who he is.

 

I know that my boyfriend has relapsed, I have read his text messages.

 

If I was to turn my back on him now I"m afraid he'd spiral completely out of control.

 

NOT YOUR PROBLEM. FLEE NOW.

 

His anger issues are what is killing our relationship. He isn't violent, but he is mean with his words.

 

I lived it for 16 years. It sucks raw eggs. Don't keep this person in your life. It will affect your mental health in the long run.

 

I can only assume its the drugs causing his mood swings but I just don't know what I can do to make it better.

 

Nope. He uses drugs because of his mood swings and personality defects. He is a broken person. It is not your job to fix him. Fix yourself.

 

When I read his text messages I make sure to make little guilty comments to make him think twice about his actions...and I hope that they work.

 

They won't. They will only serve to enrage him and you will pay down the line via more abuse from him.

 

If anyone out there can offers some words of wisdom...other than walk away I'd love to hear it.

 

See my wisdom below.

 

 

My words of wisdom are to attend Al-Anon AND to get counseling for yourself if you can afford it. AND to walk away.

 

You are not his mother nor his baby sitter. You need to focus on yourself.

 

I only say this because I didn't walk away, I stayed with a version of your man for 16 years and wish I hadn't. Can't get those years back.

 

This is my wisdom to you.

 

It's based my life experience, not just distant philosophical internet conjecture on my part.

 

DO. NOT. STAY. WITH. THIS. MAN.

 

Work on yourself, NOT focusing on saving him.

 

Work on finding yourself, loving yourself. Respecting yourself, valuing yourself. Enjoying yourself. Enjoying life. Enjoying and finding healthy, stable people, to be in your life.

 

This is a process and takes time.

 

No hurry. But you will need the support of others. A women's abuse survivors group, a 12 step Al-Anon or 12 step Co-dependants group is a great start. Don't go it alone. That is the key. You can do this.

 

Or, stay with him and learn the hard way. That's what I did when I was in your shoes. I just don't suggest that as a solution for others, the cost is too great in terms of time lost and emotional health for you.

 

The reason you stay with him is the chemicals in your brain (seratonin, dopamine, etc etc, - google it) are running rampant and tricking you into thinking you love this man. Get away from him, and the smoke will clear, and you can gain a healthier perspective over time.

 

This concept is one of the trickiest things to understand in life regarding being in love. You are under the influence of drugs in your brain, that cause you to think emotionally, and not rationally. Don't feel bad, it happens to the best of us. Like, ALL of us, LOL.

 

God bless and all the best to you.

Edited March 27, 2012 by Forever Learning