cflowers32 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 The below is what I posted to someone else's response.... I also wanted to share with you all that I am putting myself out there. I DO NOT want to let things end knowing that I did NOTHING!!! I know my putting this here is also setting myself up for other posters to tell me "NC!!" or "don't do it, you'll look pathetic", and you know what? I'll have to live with that... AND, you all can tell me "we told you so" when I'm back... I'm still coming here, this site is great, but I can't let go today. We are going to talk, we want to see if there is an agreement we can come to. Honestly, I do believe it will be no good, but I don't ever, ever, ever, EVER want to have any regrets, and for that matter, I don't want him to either. I so DO NOT want to hear in a year from now "I made a mistake Caitlin." *sigh* To the other poster who ENDED UP where I don't want my X to be... I think that's a long time to be separated and I totally see why you are questioning everything. It is a shame that things could not have been worked on before, made sure the relationship was stronger, coulda, woulda, shoulda, blah, blah, blah... I am in the process of parting with my boyfriend. We have issues, but for the most part I know that we both love each other. We are in our forties and he now wants to see what else is out there... Why, well I moved out a couple of months ago and he felt that was a step backward, however, we both have so much to finish in our life after previous relationships/marriage, we're both still growing, and I still want to move forward and grow with him, he wants the greener grass. I'll have to let him do it. In the meantime I have put it out there to him, while we are still emotionally close, still have love for each other, that IF HE GOES OUT THERE, there may be no coming back and I really, really, really don't want him to be back in a year or whatever saying "I made a mistake." I know we've got things to work on, but the position you are in is not the one I want us to be in. Every relationship is different so I don't know what you should do, hell, I don't know what I'm doing other than pleading my case so I know that I put myself out there before I know the door is shut completely. I don't want him to be your wife, and I don't want to be you, I know this has got to be hard. I guess on that note, I want to say that I wish you the best. We people are fickle when it comes to love, we all have our best intentions and in the end, the middle, the beginning, we don't know, really, how it is all going to unfold. My very best to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whisky1981 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I really wish that you wont come back and that your wishes will come true. A good friend once told me. Look, life is short, if you really want to get back with someone you really need to talk about what it will be like. You have to put your person on the table so does he need to put his. You are what you are, you can do this, this, and this. You dont like this, this and this and you cant adapt to it. Remember, people never change. They can change for a couple of months but when the guard will be down again that person will be the same as before. I really wish you the best of luck. It is the right thing to try and rebuild something lost. But remember that two have to build that bridge of reconciliation. Do not return into an old relationship just because you cant bear the pain. Do not accept only ones conditions there should be the will to adapt from both sides. Love 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cflowers32 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 I really wish that you wont come back and that your wishes will come true. A good friend once told me. Look, life is short, if you really want to get back with someone you really need to talk about what it will be like. You have to put your person on the table so does he need to put his. You are what you are, you can do this, this, and this. You dont like this, this and this and you cant adapt to it. Remember, people never change. They can change for a couple of months but when the guard will be down again that person will be the same as before. I really wish you the best of luck. It is the right thing to try and rebuild something lost. But remember that two have to build that bridge of reconciliation. Do not return into an old relationship just because you cant bear the pain. Do not accept only ones conditions there should be the will to adapt from both sides. Love Long story short, I moved out because of work and being in school and I also have a son, it was just getting to be too overwhelming. I moved out because I cared about us and I didn't want it to go where I felt it would be headed. Stress is a killer. However, I do think the damage is done, but I will try one last time, and it would be nice, however, I have a feeling I will be here with you all. I have to try though, he's been a wonderful, caring, loving boyfriend. I know this hasn't been easy for him either, and if he wants to go I can't stop him. Yeah, I would like to not come back either. Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful words. Link to post Share on other sites
jennisfora Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 best of luck to you, Caitlin. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author cflowers32 Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 best of luck to you, Caitlin. *hugs* Jenn, I posted in Breaks and Breaking up. Surprise, surprise!! Now I know the truth, and I own the part of his being disappointed in my moving, I do get that, but the whole "I want to see what else is out there..." He already had something else in mind. I just wanted the truth. There is some relief in that. Anyway, I feel ok now, I am ready to go to sleep, I wanted to share here first because this will continue to be my new home for a while. And by the way, Jenn, thank you for being a person who really displays dignity and strength. I know that you are going through a similar situation as me, and I have to tell you, I admire what you say, I think that you are doing a great job. Thank you for setting an example. My best to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jennisfora Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 awh, that's very nice of you. I am on edge though. Do not feel strong, I felt stronger right after the breakup. I feel like i am going through a little depression, where the denial is fading, and I am accepting he is gone, but am having trouble coping, and not reaching out. I feel like I am getting worse, not better, but hoping that if i can keep NC on my end for a bit, I will reach a plateau, and it will get easier. Been doing a ton of reading too. A book I wish I had read before the break up, but just finished was the Soulmate Experience. Mali Apple is one of the authors. Anyway, it had some great information on ways to improve self esteem, and ways of redefining commitment that I like. Also, the idea of treating your partner as a valued guest I like. You know that you won't be together forever, even if the relationship lasts people pass away, things happen, so you value every moment that you do have. I really wish I could share it with him, and try to do this with him. But, I know I can't. That anything I say or do right now will smack of desperation, and he won't hear the words, only see me chasing him. So, I will try and use it for future reference. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
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