Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[january2011]

Well, see, the thing about forums is that people make 'big issues' out of anything. I've gotten flak for wanting a guy taller than me, even though at 5'1", that pretty much includes 99% of the adult male population. Plenty of other threads have way more responses than this, and angrier ones. Just business as usual for LS.

 

Very true, Elswyth.

 

I think it is because it excludes them. They might not even consider you as a romantic partner in the first place, but if you're excluding them because of your dating preferences, it riles and they need to respond. On this site, usually with anger and sometimes they try to rationalise why you prefer X criterion over Y criterion. Thus implying that you are being unreasonable because you have preferences.

 

On the other side of the coin, I think that everyone needs to recognise and accept that they are limiting their dating pool with their list of criteria. It is when one doesn't recognise or accept but feels that the world owes us 'the one' that the fireworks happen. I don't advocate not having a list of criteria but the trick is to know yourself and know who you are attracted to. Have and use strategies to increase the probability of your interacting with said target population.

 

Let us assume that we are not straying into illegal territory...

 

As I said in another thread, a perfect storm.

[dasein]

One of the few things that really bothers me is when, as Disenchanted mentioned, any man (young or old) begins to brag about chasing younger women -- and this is coming from someone who is still typically 'young'. To me, it reeks of subtle insecurity or a type of ratrace that they're competing in. I don't need all of that in my life. And of all things, why choose a woman's age as the one thing to 'brag' about? Why not brag instead about something of substance, like how amazing of a person she is or how much fun she is? Things that are unique to her than just the number of years she's been alive. I get that 'youth' is prized, but when a man goes for that above other things that are obviously of more importance, then yeah, I do see it as somewhat shallow. Who's to say you won't think the same thing about me as I grow older?

 

One of the few things that really bothers me is when any woman (young or old) begins to brag about materialistic aspects of her relationship, expensive gifts he bought her, a vacation he took her on, shopping trips, expensive restaurants, engagement rings, his job, his fame, his height, etc. To me it reeks of subtle insecurity or a type of ratrace that they're competing in, I don't need all of that in my life. And of all things, why choose these material factors as the things to 'brag' about? Why not brag instead about something of substance, like how amazing of a person he is or how much fun he is. Things that are unique to him other than his WALLET. I get that material things are prized, but when a woman goes for that above other things that are obviously of more importance, then yeah, I do see it as somewhat shallow. Who's to say you won't think the same thing about me as I grow richer or poorer?

 

See how that works?

 

Of course if a man were to brag about dating a younger woman, that would be mutually exclusive with valuing the woman for other, more substantive reasons and bragging about those... at the same time, in the same conversation. Of course.

[Els]

 

I do not understand why you people keep bringing up the tall issue. I do not care if you want tall men. I've never been in any of those "women prefer tall men" threads. Guys who whine about it are lame. I guess women who whine about men wanting younger are lame as well, no?

 

The big deal comes from the fact that it is a huge issue all over the world.

 

As you can see from the 'tall' thread that's still going strong and that achieved more responses than this, everything is a huge issue to some people. Just because it isn't an issue to 'you' doesn't mean that others don't make an issue out of it. The only reason I brought up height was to demonstrate to you that this isn't by far the only thing that an 'issue' is made about. Why is this the only 'issue' that you're attacking? By your logic, everyone should be agreeing with anything everyone else says, otherwise they're 'making a big deal out of it'. But clearly that isn't possible. As you yourself demonstrate.

 

Is it your response in number #183? If so, it's actually a vague response:

 

 

Everyone has the right to want what they want? That doesn't answer anything. You could ask me, "Do you think it should be legal for a 60 yr old man to date a 15 yr old girl?" and I could say, "Everyone has the right to want what they want". But that does not answer the question.

 

Uh, no. If you asked me "Do you think it should be legal for a 60 yr old man to date a 15 yr old girl?", or "Do you think it should be legal for a man to beat his wife?", or "Do you think it should be legal for a woman to abuse her child?", my answer would NOT be "Everyone has the right to want what they want". Does THAT answer your question?

 

I find it strange how so many women cannot answer a yes or no question. Do you think it should be illegal for an older man to get into a relationship with a much younger woman?

 

Perhaps because several others understood what they said without them needing to repeat themselves.

 

Very true, Elswyth.

 

I think it is because it excludes them. They might not even consider you as a romantic partner in the first place, but if you're excluding them because of your dating preferences, it riles and they need to respond. On this site, usually with anger and sometimes they try to rationalise why you prefer X criterion over Y criterion. Thus implying that you are being unreasonable because you have preferences.

 

On the other side of the coin, I think that everyone needs to recognise and accept that they are limiting their dating pool with their list of criteria. It is when one doesn't recognise or accept but feels that the world owes us 'the one' that the fireworks happen. I don't advocate not having a list of criteria but the trick is to know yourself and know who you are attracted to. Have and use strategies to increase the probability of your interacting with said target population.

 

Let us assume that we are not straying into illegal territory...

 

As I said in another thread, a perfect storm.

 

Excellent post. I definitely think that this duality is a large part of the bemusement I find in many of the 'preference' threads. I've even seen men who prefer younger women, calling the younger women who refuse their advances 'entitled, self-important and stuck-up bitches' (or insults to that effect). Hilarious stuff.

[udolipixie]

That's not unreasonable hair splitting.

 

You claimed men put women's welfare/safety above their own.

 

I'm stating men as a whole or in general don't put their welfare/safety over women specific men do. It's specific people who function in the government, police, and army protect men & women.

 

It's not a plain historical fact in reality.

 

It's a fact in your reality.

 

Do you know what men throughout the times have felt towards women? Do you know the majority of men's actions towards women and the reasoning behind it? If so then you can claim facts.

 

I've given more than ample examples, and I don't think any of them included the police and government. That's completely dishonest distortion on your part.

I never stated any of the examples you gave include police & government.

In fact I responded to you ample examples.

It's a complete dishonest distortion on your part to imply that I was stating you included such things or that I was distorting your ample examples.

 

Examples you stated the vast majority of men do as men put womens safety/welfare above their own & my responses:

• whether it's dying in war
  Women do this as well.
  I highly doubt all/most men dying in war do so to put women's welfare/safety above their own rather than to serve their country & protect its citizens
  
• going downstairs with a bat or gun when there's a bump in the night,
  That's placing specific women's welfare/safety above their own not women in general. No different from how often people place their partner's safety/welfare over their own.
  Unless you're stating that men who do this for women they don't know? If so I would think advice would exist for women to yell fire rather than rape if being raped or there's an attempt
  
• holding an umbrella over a woman's head so she remains dry while the man gets wet
  That's placing specific women's welfare/safety above their own not women in general as it seems this would be something men would do for women they already care for, are attracted to, or for elderly women.
  
• operating heavy dangerous machinery around the house or getting on the roof
  That's placing specific women's welfare/safety above their own not women in general as it seems this would be something men would do for women they already care for.
  
• helping bring in groceries
  To me this is more of basic human decency things not your welfare/safety over mine.
  Generally women also help men out in such basic human decent ways too guess that means women hold the welfare/safety of men higher than their own.
  
• letting her have the last empty seat at the bar while one stands
  To me this is more of basic human decency things not your welfare/safety over mine.
  Generally women also help men out in such basic human decent ways too guess that means women hold the welfare/safety of men higher than their own.
  

 

The bolded are new responses when I first saw this list I lmfao as did the many gals & guys I showed it to.

 

And especially won't respond to any further claims that the general care for women's well-being can be split into separate categories of caring for them merely as an ends to reproduction and caring for them as "people" (whatever the hell that means). such were the case, we would keep women in pods somewhere and turn them "on and off" for intercourse and childbirth.

The Titanic situation of children & women first to me doesn't seem to be general care but a specific scenario of life and death where strategic priorization of humanity future generations& babymakers are placed.

Quite interesting that you take my Titanic situation seems to be a strategic move for reproduction & future general and apply it as generally women are seen as reproduction to men.

 

 

Men generally care about the lives, health and welfare of women, and by putting women ahead of ourselves in many ways, we prove this every day.

I think many men care about the lives, health, and welfare of specif women (family, friends) and put those women ahead of themselves.

 

I highly doubt men generally care about the lives, health and welfare of women and put women ahead of themselves in many ways.

 

Will admit though, that the bratty, entitled attitudes experienced on LS are making me reconsider my own behavior in this respect going forward.

And...?

 

The above is exactly why discussions with you are an annoying exercise in futility. Arguendo, that we are even in sound reasoning land here (and I spot at least two ways in which we are not in the above quote),

I spotted you may not be in sound reasoning land with your claiming definitive statements that you can't support with evidence, research, studies, or statistics.

 

Such as "Western women being the most privileged creatures in the history of the human species"

 

So do tell how western women are the most privileged creatures in the history of the human species?

 

I would think royalty in past civilizations had more privilege.

 

I'd think men who far back in times could own slaves and do as they please and ape women as long as she wasn't married to another as it was a theft had more privilege.

 

would it make one iota of difference if I provided any of the statistics you unreasonably demand?

 

Yeah it would since I've been asking for that.

 

Quite interesting that you find it unreasoanble for a person to ask someone for factual evidence backed by research,s tatsitics, and/or studies when they start making defintive statements they claim are facts.

 

Or would you simply ignore them and proceed to hair split and distort something else?

It's not hair splitting.

You claimed men put women's welfare/safety above their own.

 

I'm stating men as a whole or in general don't put their welfare/safety over women specific men do. It's specific people who function in the government, police, and army protect men & women. As well as stating men as whole put specific women's welfare/safety above their own as people tend to do for their loved ones.

 

Nowhere did I distort anything.

I never I stated any of the examples you gave include police & government.

 

If you're attempting to use my quote as distortion recall the exchange:

Bounce that theory off the men ushering women and children onto the lifeboats on the Titanic, or off someone who lost a family member in a war. Get back to us.

I highly doubt that was about caring about women as human beings and rather more about the future of humanity (children) and the nurturers/babymakers (women).

Despite failing miserably at giving women "what they want," whatever nebulous thing that may be, how often it may change with the shifting winds, and despite the fact that most of you don't know what you want yourselves, we do pretty well in the "keeping you alive and safe department."

More like the specific wo/men in the government, police, and army do well enough to some in keeping both men and women safe and alive. However if you're going to apply the actions of a set of particular men to the whole/general male population do you do the same with men who rape/harass/abuse women too?

No. Lowered physical standards for women in those areas creates undue risk that we are all expected to shoulder in the name of political expediency and the illusory quest for equal outcome.

Yet none of that applies to or negates that men as a whole or in general don't protect women but specifc people who function int he government, police, and army protect men & women.

[Oxy Moronovich]

As you can see from the 'tall' thread that's still going strong and that achieved more responses than this, everything is a huge issue to some people. Just because it isn't an issue to 'you' doesn't mean that others don't make an issue out of it. The only reason I brought up height was to demonstrate to you that this isn't by far the only thing that an 'issue' is made about. Why is this the only 'issue' that you're attacking? By your logic, everyone should be agreeing with anything everyone else says, otherwise they're 'making a big deal out of it'. But clearly that isn't possible. As you yourself demonstrate.

I didn't know I was "attacking" this issue. The reason why I'm sticking to the issue of older men/younger women dating is because that's what this topic is about. Am I doing something wrong for sticking on topic?

 

Perhaps because several others understood what they said without them needing to repeat themselves.

The question required merely a yes or no response. Someone said you replied to my question in a previous page. I did not find a yes or no response. Therefore, you did not answer the question. Do you think it should be illegal for an adult to date a signficantly younger adult?

[LZ2000]

To be honest, personal maturity and a well developed sense of individualism scores very high on what I consider to be factors of attraction.

[Els]

I didn't know I was "attacking" this issue. The reason why I'm sticking to the issue of older men/younger women dating is because that's what this topic is about. Am I doing something wrong for sticking on topic?

 

 

The question required merely a yes or no response. Someone said you replied to my question in a previous page. I did not find a yes or no response. Therefore, you did not answer the question. Do you think it should be illegal for an adult to date a signficantly younger adult?

 

Do you really think that someone you are holding a conversation with in a voluntary-participation forum is likely to repeat her answer for you for the third time, when you take that sort of tone and intentionally leave out the part of her post that addressed your question, in your quotes?

 

No, I have better things to do than that. Sorry.

[udolipixie]

Wow. We're having a simple discussion and you jumped to my life. Why? it's a yes or no question yet you keep avoiding it. Why?

Wow just wow.

 

You asked me once.

 

A question you had previously stated was directed towards women who acted as if it was taboo.

 

How do I keep avoiding it when you just asked me it. It's not as if you asked me 2 or even if I ignore it or didn't acknowledge it.

 

Seems the answer does have quite an impact on your life if it.

 

What? How can one yes or no question bring this out?

It's not the question it's how you seemed go quite bothered that the women you directed it to didn't answer ignoring some women who did have posts answering it and quite positively grossed out but it's their preference/right or don't care just don't insult/degrade women your age or older.

 

Then despite saying how the question was directed at certain women who were acting as if it were taboo you asked two women who didn't. One who made no posts suggesting that & the other who already answered it.

 

Seems you're quite heavily invested on women's reaction to that attraction as well as seeking negative ones.

 

Wasn't directed towards me but:

The big deal comes from the fact that it is a huge issue all over the world.

... I'm guessing I may have been correct on the whole you're pretty invested and impacted by answers you get.

 

Everyone has the right to want what they want? That doesn't answer anything. You could ask me, "Do you think it should be legal for a 60 yr old man to date a 15 yr old girl?" and I could say, "Everyone has the right to want what they want". But that does not answer the question.

Wow just wow...

[xxoo]

Bragging about dating younger women reeks of insecurity.

 

Getting upset at men who brag about dating younger women also reeks of insecurity.

 

These aren't guys that a woman who knows her worth would want to date, anyway. Who cares what they think?

[Oxy Moronovich]

Do you really think that someone you are holding a conversation with in a voluntary-participation forum is likely to repeat her answer for you for the third time, when you take that sort of tone and intentionally leave out the part of her post that addressed your question, in your quotes?

 

No, I have better things to do than that. Sorry.

Are you talking in the third person? Seriously? You're using the word "her" to address your internet personality in the third person......okay then?

 

I still haven't seen you or uxopeliede answer yes or no to this simple question. Answering yes or no is easier than all the long-winded responses.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Bragging about dating younger women reeks of insecurity.

 

Getting upset at men who brag about dating younger women also reeks of insecurity.

 

These aren't guys that a woman who knows her worth would want to date, anyway. Who cares what they think?

Although some men do indeed brag about dating much younger women, many do not. In the OP's post about the men on the dating site, I didn't see any indication these men were bragging about wanting much younger women. They listed their preferences and that's what the OP got bent out of shape about.

[kaylan]

Ladies, do we really need these threads anymore? You dont want to date the type of insecure guys you described in this thread.

 

Same way guys shouldnt want to date gold diggers or slutty women, but we keep constantly seeing threads about it. Theres more than enough good men and women out there that we dont need these threads every week.

 

People need to stop whining and acting so butt hurt.

[dasein]

Where did anyone specifically tell someone else who they can or can’t approach?

 

Red Robin stated very clearly her opinion that it was not "ok" for older men to approach younger women.

 

YOU actually have no business dictating what people can and can’t talk about things.

 

You and anyone else has the right to express any bratty, privileged, imperious, spoiled, attitude you like as to whether it's "OK" for others to do something that 1) they have every right to do, and 2) is really none of your business unless it affects -you- directly in a specific context. Older men approaching younger women does not affect you in any specific context unless you happen to be the younger woman in question.

 

My right to disagree with such attitudes is exactly equal to your right to express them.

 

And yes, own the fact that you are “blaming” women and suggesting that if they became more pro-active that this would somehow solve the issue being talked here. It is utter nonsense.

 

I will "own" no such thing because I didn't say it. Shove it.

 

But you don’t even want to acknowledge the women that have also sacrificed their lives...

 

A poster claimed that men don't care about women. I refuted that statement with several examples. The question is not "who has it better or worse?" so put away the women's studies textbook.

 

LOL. It’s not. No one is entitled to or has the right to approach someone just because they want to. The other day someone said something insulting to me. They did not have the right to do that. They had the freedom to do it, but not the right.

 

The above continues to reflect ignorance of the distinction between "freedom" and "rights, and also ignorance of very basic law. As previously stated, certain highly inflammatory speech is regulated (fire crowded theater), in some areas, certain other speech, such as "hate speech" may be regulated as well. But generally, yes it is a RIGHT to approach and speak to whomever one likes. Get that through your skull if nothing else in this thread.

 

Again, all I can do is “lol”. Because i never said the First Amendment was bullcrap. I said it was bullcrap when people used the First Amendment to justify anything under the sun of what they want to do.

 

...

 

 

Make up your mind. First you say it wasn’t a brag, then you ask me “so what if it was”.

 

It's called "assuming for sake of argument" or "arguendo." Google it.

 

All I am saying is that bragging about the age of the women you date is not a mark of your superiority

 

I stated very clearly, and you ignore, that other posters made certain claims an issue, and I responded to them with an anecdote. If you weren't so intent on painting me with the "bad man" brush, you would READ the thread and KNOW this.

 

And yes, I imagine more dead horse beating is soon to come.

[brokenTom]

People need to stop whining and acting so butt hurt.

Whining and acting butt hurt over other people whining and acting butt hurt... nice!

[LZ2000]

Bragging about dating younger women reeks of insecurity.

 

Getting upset at men who brag about dating younger women also reeks of insecurity.

 

These aren't guys that a woman who knows her worth would want to date, anyway. Who cares what they think?

 

I never believed that bragging would really do any good to anyone.....

 

Well, we have all our weak moments in life and our insecurities every now and then. It can be a very exclusive and personal matter that we need to deal with, and certainly, personal attacks made directly on our weaknesses will never be appreciated.

 

I apologize if I sound very rhetorical.

[brokenTom]

At least it's in a forum like this where it's relatively safe to vent freely. I wouldn't want some of these folks taking their aggression out on their pets or other innocent bystanders... well, unless it's their partner in which case maybe they deserve it and are willing to take it

[dasein]

You claimed men put women's welfare/safety above their own.

 

I'm stating men as a whole or in general don't put their welfare/safety over women specific men do. It's specific people who function in the government, police, and army protect men & women.

 

The statements:

1. "Men generallly put women's welfare/safety above their own" and

2. "specific people who function in the government, police and army protect men & women"

 

are not mutually exclusive.

 

Your claim is the equivalent of refuting the statement "dogs have hair," with the statement "cats have hair, so dogs don't." Bizarro, thoroughly fallacious reasoning. Tired of responding to such, and won't further.

[kaylan]

Whining and acting butt hurt over other people whining and acting butt hurt... nice!

Nice try bucko.

 

I was simply offering advice to other posters. My post was not at all whining.

[udolipixie]

The statements:

1. "Men generallly put women's welfare/safety above their own" and

2. "specific people who function in the government, police and army protect men & women"

 

are not mutually exclusive.

 

It's highly unlikely that men as a whole the general population of men are in those government jobs, police force, or army.

 

That right there makes it mutually exclusive to me as it's not men generally do this but specific men doing this.

 

You're claiming that men as a whole the general population generally put women's welfare/safety above their own

 

What you're stating isn't mutually exclusive states specific people put men & women safety above their own. Those people aren't men putting women's welfare/safety over their own they're men putting men & women's welfare above their own.

 

It's highly unlikely these people are doing it under the notion of gender roles but to serve their country & protect its citizens. It's not soley done for women's benefit.

 

I highly doubt the men as a whole generally put women's welfare/safety above their own. I think men as whole put specific women's welfare/safety above their own as people tend to do for their loved ones.

 

Your claim is the equivalent of refuting the statement "dogs have hair," with the statement "cats have hair, so dogs don't."

Little tip on mutually exclusive to me.

 

This wouldn't be mutually exclusive:

1. "Men put women's welfare/safety above their own" and

2. "specific people who function in the government, police and army protect men & women"

 

This wouldn't be mutually exclusive:

1. "Humans hate each other"

2. "specific humans hate each other"

 

This would be:

1. "Humans generally hate each other"

2. "specific humans hate each other"

 

Bizarro, thoroughly fallacious reasoning. Tired of responding to such, and won't further.

I have fallacious reasoning.

 

Hmmm... you claim definitive statements as facts without statistics, research, studies, or factual evidence (though that may be because you called it unreasonable to request such things ).

 

Such as "Western women being the most privileged creatures in the history of the human species"

 

So do tell how western women are the most privileged creatures in the history of the human species?

 

I would think royalty in past civilizations had more privilege.

 

I'd think men who far back in times could own slaves and do as they please and ape women as long as she wasn't married to another as it was a theft had more privilege.

Edited March 28, 2012 by udolipixie

[joystickd]

There is a saying in pimpin "its better a turnout than a burnout". Prostitutes that have worked for years and had pimps. They are burned out and bitter. They can make life hard for a pimp. I know its a bad analogy.

Men do like younger women because they are not as jaded as women their own age. Younger women have not heard it all from men. Its a lot less of a power struggle in the sense that after all these bad relationships the mindset of this woman is typically one of having felt powerless and now with some skewed vision of relationships, but this is not all women. In general we are more receptive to people that are more open to us and younger women are more open and less guarded.

[gotye]

everyone loves a silverfox... nobody loves a cougar

[ThaWholigan]

everyone loves a silverfox... nobody loves a cougar

I love cougars

[fishtaco]

So? What's the big deal?

 

The most commonly sought after quality in a woman is looks, and looks tend to be tied closely to youth.

 

The most commonly sought after quality in a man is social status, and social status tend to be tied closely to wealth.

 

So men tend to go after women with looks and women tend to go after men with social status. This is nothing new

 

Although I believe now that women have opportunity to be career oriented now, yes I know, it's not quite equal yet, but we are getting closer, I predict the future will become men/women of social status and wealth will go for men/women of looks and youth, and vice versa.

 

So, what's worse, an older guy dates younger girls, or a younger girl that dates older guys?

 

Or better yet, who cares? As long as it's legal and consensual, it's none of my business.

[Els]

There is a saying in pimpin "its better a turnout than a burnout". Prostitutes that have worked for years and had pimps. They are burned out and bitter. They can make life hard for a pimp. I know its a bad analogy.

Men do like younger women because they are not as jaded as women their own age. Younger women have not heard it all from men. Its a lot less of a power struggle in the sense that after all these bad relationships the mindset of this woman is typically one of having felt powerless and now with some skewed vision of relationships, but this is not all women. In general we are more receptive to people that are more open to us and younger women are more open and less guarded.

 

If life experience does all that to people (ie it's all negative and there are no positive effects from it), then by your logic, why should a younger girl ever consent to date an older man?

[brokenTom]

Nice try bucko.

"bucko"? who the HELL do you think you are? lol... just kidding there, lighten up maybe?

 

If the thread isn't for you then simply leave. On the other hand, I can understand you folks who come in here and start spouting "stop posting these threads" argument. It's a forum, people post their crap, vent, and eventually move on. What's so wrong with that? Your advice basically boils down to suppressing one's angst for your own sake of keeping a forum "clean"... why not make a new thread about how many threads are just a repeat of the same crap over and over again, then at least you can visit that every time you spend an hour reading the same **** over and over again and then get your panties in a bind and feel the need to "advise" other people to stop posting their thoughts.

 

oh yeah, and I'm now a victim of my own argument and you'll have an easy time counter attacking me with more lamely disguised ad-hominem "hey there bucko" style attacks, lol... guess you win

 

btw, I'm only half serious and mostly lighthearted, I agree with tons of other stuff you've posted in this forum just a pet peeve of mine in this case.