Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[kaylan]

^You made this long winded post filled with silly and incorrect assumptions all because I said bucko in jest?

Calm down bro.

Edited March 28, 2012 by kaylan

[brokenTom]

^You made this long winded post all because I said bucko in jest? :laugh:Calm down bro

no, I guess you can't read. oh well, nevermind then...

[Scottdmw]

Ok, so I'm a 39 year old man. I have two reasons why I will probably not end up in a relationship with a woman my own age.

 

The first is that I honestly don't see how this is something much in my control. Have you ever tried to make yourself attracted to someone that you're not attracted to? I have. I don't think it works. I have spent a good deal of time dating women that I thought to myself I SHOULD like, they were great people, had good characteristics, personalities, treated me very well, etc. But, for whatever reason, I just wasn't attracted. No matter how much I thought about what a good person some of these women were, it didn't make me feel attracted. And, I don't see how I can really date someone long-term if I'm not attracted.

 

It's not so much that I go and seek out younger women to be attracted to, that is just how I feel. I realize that it's an issue. I realize it's hard for me to get a woman much younger than me. I realize that the younger women may not be attracted to me very likely, and that I am probably significantly limiting my opportunities. It doesn't matter. A person is attracted to what they're attracted to.

 

There is a second problem. It seems to me like the single women my age just don't get out of the house very much and are very difficult to meet. I go to a wide variety of social events. I find it very easy to meet women in their 20s, but very difficult to meet women in the 32-40 range. My impression is that the women are really not putting themselves out there in social situations where I might meet them. So, I end up meeting far, far more young women than women my own age.

 

So, I'm interested. For those women who are so upset at men dating younger women, what exactly would you suggest I do? If a person only tends to meet younger women going about his business, and if when he does meet women his own age he simply cannot bring himself to feel attracted, what is he supposed to do in your view?

 

Scott

[kaylan]

no, I guess you can't read. oh well, nevermind then...

No I can read very well. And I understand the message you tried to convey to me, even though you tried to veil it with comments about being "only half serious".

 

As I said, my response didnt require all of that.

[gotye]

I love cougars

proven wrong... I love silver foxes lol

[kaylan]

Ok, so I'm a 39 year old man. I have two reasons why I will probably not end up in a relationship with a woman my own age.

 

The first is that I honestly don't see how this is something much in my control. Have you ever tried to make yourself attracted to someone that you're not attracted to? I have. I don't think it works. I have spent a good deal of time dating women that I thought to myself I SHOULD like, they were great people, had good characteristics, personalities, treated me very well, etc. But, for whatever reason, I just wasn't attracted. No matter how much I thought about what a good person some of these women were, it didn't make me feel attracted. And, I don't see how I can really date someone long-term if I'm not attracted.

 

It's not so much that I go and seek out younger women to be attracted to, that is just how I feel. I realize that it's an issue. I realize it's hard for me to get a woman much younger than me. I realize that the younger women may not be attracted to me very likely, and that I am probably significantly limiting my opportunities. It doesn't matter. A person is attracted to what they're attracted to.

 

There is a second problem. It seems to me like the single women my age just don't get out of the house very much and are very difficult to meet. I go to a wide variety of social events. I find it very easy to meet women in their 20s, but very difficult to meet women in the 32-40 range. My impression is that the women are really not putting themselves out there in social situations where I might meet them. So, I end up meeting far, far more young women than women my own age.

 

So, I'm interested. For those women who are so upset at men dating younger women, what exactly would you suggest I do? If a person only tends to meet younger women going about his business, and if when he does meet women his own age he simply cannot bring himself to feel attracted, what is he supposed to do in your view?

 

Scott

Meh. This whole convo is no different from the ones where older guys demonize cougars. And this happens a lot. I notice guys have a double standard about this, especially in the online manosphere.

 

If an older guy tries to get with or does get with a younger woman, he gets hi 5s from his bros and kudos are abound.

 

If an older women seeks out younger men, shes demonized as someone whos simply "trying to be like men". Because some guys refuse to recognize the truth that women care about looks and physical attraction just as much as we do nowadays. They dont exactly need men just for security anymore since they can create their own. Some dudes will also say that "the young guys can have them because us older guys dont want those used up women"

 

At the end of the day youth is attractive to both men and women. And there are plenty of women out there who hold your point of view Scott. Ive seen more than enough women on this forum complaining about men letting themselves go with age, while they start eye-ing the fresh young boys from around the way. If people simply took care of themselves with age, there wouldnt be this bitterness that exists in both older men and women.

 

I know its harder to stay fit with age, because the body is not at its peak anymore, but its not impossible. Most people let themselves go in their 30s because they are settling down and dont expect to ever date again. They are busy with careers and raising a family. But when some people unfortunately do end up back in the singles arena, they are at a disadvantage since they didnt take care of themselves.

 

Oh wells. Such is life.

[Els]

Ok, so I'm a 39 year old man. I have two reasons why I will probably not end up in a relationship with a woman my own age.

 

The first is that I honestly don't see how this is something much in my control. Have you ever tried to make yourself attracted to someone that you're not attracted to? I have. I don't think it works. I have spent a good deal of time dating women that I thought to myself I SHOULD like, they were great people, had good characteristics, personalities, treated me very well, etc. But, for whatever reason, I just wasn't attracted. No matter how much I thought about what a good person some of these women were, it didn't make me feel attracted. And, I don't see how I can really date someone long-term if I'm not attracted.

 

It's not so much that I go and seek out younger women to be attracted to, that is just how I feel. I realize that it's an issue. I realize it's hard for me to get a woman much younger than me. I realize that the younger women may not be attracted to me very likely, and that I am probably significantly limiting my opportunities. It doesn't matter. A person is attracted to what they're attracted to.

 

There is a second problem. It seems to me like the single women my age just don't get out of the house very much and are very difficult to meet. I go to a wide variety of social events. I find it very easy to meet women in their 20s, but very difficult to meet women in the 32-40 range. My impression is that the women are really not putting themselves out there in social situations where I might meet them. So, I end up meeting far, far more young women than women my own age.

 

So, I'm interested. For those women who are so upset at men dating younger women, what exactly would you suggest I do? If a person only tends to meet younger women going about his business, and if when he does meet women his own age he simply cannot bring himself to feel attracted, what is he supposed to do in your view?

 

Scott

 

I think it's great that you're honest with yourself and the effects of your decision. The 'older men' who bug me, at least (can't speak for the other ladies), tend to be those who either:

 

1) Feel they're entitled to younger women. Hence the slur of insults towards younger women who aren't interested in them.

 

2) Have a whole slew of 'reasons' as to why younger women are 'better'. Now, I'm a younger woman myself, and this really just amuses me. It's one thing if a younger man does that, but an older man extolling the virtues of youth? That just rings of hypocrisy and some priorities that I don't care to indulge, personally. It's like, 'if age is all that bad and then some, why do you feel that you're exempt from that just because of your gender'?

 

In your case, you acknowledged it to be a base attraction, and, more importantly, you are willing to accept that it may limit your options, instead of complaining that young women are not responding to your advances. That seems to be a very responsible way of going about things, and I wish you all the luck.

[Oxy Moronovich]

So, I'm interested. For those women who are so upset at men dating younger women, what exactly would you suggest I do? If a person only tends to meet younger women going about his business, and if when he does meet women his own age he simply cannot bring himself to feel attracted, what is he supposed to do in your view?

 

Scott

I see you hail from Michigan, a state I was born and raised in for the first 25 yrs of my life. The first thing I have to tell you is move. I dunno why people live in that state. I'd rather live in Siberia than in Michigan. Ugh.

 

Secondly, I don't think these women are suggesting anything. They are merely venting. I don't think they have any better advice than saying, "What? There are plenty of wonderful available women yer age. You just have to look for them." I'm sure you've heard people say this so the advice won't help.

 

Perhaps the fact that you live in Michigan has limited your dating options. As you know, women in Michigan tend to get married early. Like right after high school or college. But I moved to Austin and meet many attractive women over 30 in Texas. I also have Michigan buddies who moved to places like NYC, LA, and even Latin America to meet attractive women their age. Like I said, try moving outta Michigan.

[stillafool]

. Do you think it should be illegal for an adult to date a signficantly younger adult?

 

No. As long as they are adults of legal age. However, depending on their age difference it may not be the smartest choice; but illegal, no.

[joystickd]

If life experience does all that to people (ie it's all negative and there are no positive effects from it), then by your logic, why should a younger girl ever consent to date an older man?

Like I said some women and not all are like that. There are women that date younger men for that same reason. I get the vibe of ageism from some of the female users on here. Men and women like what they like. If you spend time focusing men liking younger women you are only hurting yourself. Honestly its not hurting any men

[Els]

Like I said some women and not all are like that. There are women that date younger men for that same reason. I get the vibe of ageism from some of the female users on here. Men and women like what they like. If you spend time focusing men liking younger women you are only hurting yourself. Honestly its not hurting any men

 

I AM a younger woman. I'm not being hurt by anything. I just call out ill-sounding logic when I see it.

[zengirl]

I think it's great that you're honest with yourself and the effects of your decision. The 'older men' who bug me, at least (can't speak for the other ladies), tend to be those who either:

 

1) Feel they're entitled to younger women. Hence the slur of insults towards younger women who aren't interested in them.

 

2) Have a whole slew of 'reasons' as to why younger women are 'better'. Now, I'm a younger woman myself, and this really just amuses me. It's one thing if a younger man does that, but an older man extolling the virtues of youth? That just rings of hypocrisy and some priorities that I don't care to indulge, personally. It's like, 'if age is all that bad and then some, why do you feel that you're exempt from that just because of your gender'?

 

I concur wholeheartedly. When I was single, #1 were the bane of my existence. Date whoever you want, if they're also into you, but just don't harass young girls that aren't interested!

[123321]

Because she is young and pretty. And is blinded by it. It's that whole "she's so pretty" thing. He doesn't really see her as a person.

 

From across the room, their eyes met, and he said to himself "what a great personality she has" ... let's face it, when a guy approaches a woman it's because she's easy on his eyes most of the time. That's the first thing, the obvious thing, a guy sees about a woman. All men want to date women they feel are "so pretty", not a single guy I know has aspired to date the ugliest woman they can find.

 

Getting to know each other as people follows if things go well.

 

Not all guys can pull off dating pretty women, pretty women have a lot of attention and there is a lot of competition for their time, but that doesn't mean that the guys who succeed in dating them "only see" the outside, it means they succeeded in getting to know a pretty women on the inside as well.

 

A person can be a good person and be good looking, it actually happens a lot.

 

 

 

 

These men have placed their worth in the woman's age. These men are the kind of men that brag or talk about the age of the women they dated. Especialy over mentioning anything else about them.

 

In a thread about age they would naturally talk about the age of women they date, but that's not real life. Heck, in real life I don't talk about my dates much at all to other people, it's none of their business.

 

Don't let what guys talk about here fool you.

 

 

 

 

You can tell the difference between men that honestly like women and men that only like women for when they are young. And it would do any woman well, young or old, to aviod the lather type of man.

 

Foamy men are a bane, it's true, however it's completely possible to find young women attractive and not find older women repulsive, in fact as I noted above, my personal dating history as far as age goes is 16-49, and everything from ballet dancers to engineers to ranch hands.

 

 

 

 

Thoes comments get made because that's usually the case 9 times out of 10. That's the reality. Those comments aren't stereotyped because they aren't true. They are true alot of the time.

 

I disagree, in my widely varied experience older women are easier to date than younger women overall, and guys all want sex, no matter who they are dating. Gold diggers come in all ages, and the most proficient are older. In other words, those things can be said about some relationships and age in my experience has nothing to do with it.

 

Bitterness has a lot to do with the people saying them though.

[Els]

I concur wholeheartedly. When I was single, #1 were the bane of my existence. Date whoever you want, if they're also into you, but just don't harass young girls that aren't interested!

 

Agreed! One would think that people grow out of such entitlement with age and maturity. I suppose the former doesn't always bring about the latter.

[joystickd]

I AM a younger woman. I'm not being hurt by anything. I just call out ill-sounding logic when I see it.

Not ill sounding logic to the men wanting younger women. A woman is a woman to me. I was just giving a perspective as to why. Honestly why even focus on it.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

There is a saying in pimpin "its better a turnout than a burnout". Prostitutes that have worked for years and had pimps. They are burned out and bitter. They can make life hard for a pimp. I know its a bad analogy.

Men do like younger women because they are not as jaded as women their own age. Younger women have not heard it all from men. Its a lot less of a power struggle in the sense that after all these bad relationships the mindset of this woman is typically one of having felt powerless and now with some skewed vision of relationships, but this is not all women. In general we are more receptive to people that are more open to us and younger women are more open and less guarded.

 

It's an awful analogy. The glorification of "pimpin" is hot cool although it's very popular in hip hop culture.

 

With that said, what you said tells me more about men then women. If older women are "jaded" because of men, perhaps men need to ask themselves how they are treating women. Instead of just resorting to going after younger women because how they used other women and tossed them out.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Dasein

I will "own" no such thing because I didn't say it. Shove it.

 

Bend over.

[joystickd]

It's an awful analogy. The glorification of "pimpin" is hot cool although it's very popular in hip hop culture.

 

With that said, what you said tells me more about men then women. If older women are "jaded" because of men, perhaps men need to ask themselves how they are treating women. Instead of just resorting to going after younger women because how they used other women and tossed them out.

I am for the pimp mentality not actually pimpin. Some aspects of pimp are applicable to everyday life. Its not necessarily because of men. There are two people in a relationship and both parties contribute to the good and bad. Being jaded is more of a reflection of how that person handled that bad situation. "Hot cool" well to you it may not be cool but there are a lot of things people in general could learn from them. A lot of you on here have a lot of things you have heard that may not be true so until you actually be around them you really won't know what the game is really about.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

From across the room, their eyes met, and he said to himself "what a great personality she has" ... let's face it, when a guy approaches a woman it's because she's easy on his eyes most of the time. That's the first thing, the obvious thing, a guy sees about a woman. All men want to date women they feel are "so pretty", not a single guy I know has aspired to date the ugliest woman they can find.

 

There needs to be attraction on both sides. I am not sure what you think you are explaining. Someone asked me a question and I answered it. It is my perspective that men that do not appreciate women of all ages, do not really appreciate women at all. And actually have a very muted and boring way to look at beauty and women and yes, worth. It doesn't even behove a younger woman to be with an older man that specifically seeks her out for her age. He does not present a good future for her. He does not really value her. He might be attracted to her. He might think she is fun. But he does not value her in anyway that really counts or matters.

 

 

A person can be a good person and be good looking, it actually happens a lot.

 

Who claimed otherwise?

 

 

In a thread about age they would naturally talk about the age of women they date, but that's not real life. Heck, in real life I don't talk about my dates much at all to other people, it's none of their business.

 

Don't let what guys talk about here fool you.

 

You included in that 1234? Because I actually find you to be one of the worst offenders in this thread. And in other threads. This isn't the first, or the last time, you have bragged about the age of the women you've dated. It's also not the first, or will it be the last, where I have heard you make comments about yourself and women and age.

 

This isn't a simple case of men talking about the age of their partners because of the topic. The way you talk about women sends a clear message about what you think about women. You seem to think you are better then women. That your worth is more.

 

Foamy men are a bane, it's true, however it's completely possible to find young women attractive and not find older women repulsive, in fact as I noted above, my personal dating history as far as age goes is 16-49, and everything from ballet dancers to engineers to ranch hands.

 

I hope you dated 16 year olds when you were actually 16. I am not even sure why you are talking about teenages. I have also dated a wide range of men if we are going to talk like that since I started dating at 15.

 

How about men stop believing the lies about their own age and stop putting women down for theirs? How about men grow up and really learn to appreciate women? How about men shut off the porn for a change and learn what real women are about? My list could go on.

 

I would hope it was more possible that men could find younger women AND older women just as attractive. Instead of nonsense comments about how older women aren't "replusive".

 

I disagree, in my widely varied experience older women are easier to date than younger women overall, and guys all want sex, no matter who they are dating. Gold diggers come in all ages, and the most proficient are older. In other words, those things can be said about some relationships and age in my experience has nothing to do with it.

 

Bitterness has a lot to do with the people saying them though.

 

I am not even sure what you mean by this last paragraph. It makes no sense to me at all.

 

The reality is that those stereotyped comments about comments are said because they are often true.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I am for the pimp mentality not actually pimpin. Some aspects of pimp are applicable to everyday life. Its not necessarily because of men. There are two people in a relationship and both parties contribute to the good and bad. Being jaded is more of a reflection of how that person handled that bad situation. "Hot cool" well to you it may not be cool but there are a lot of things people in general could learn from them. A lot of you on here have a lot of things you have heard that may not be true so until you actually be around them you really won't know what the game is really about.

 

Excuse me but doesn't the "pimp mentality" come from the reality of Pimpin? That in a nutshell is the glorification for an industry. You support the industry if you practice and use the mentalities that come from it.

 

I think the reality is that a lot of men don't want to grown and mature within their romantic or sexual relationships. Which leads them chasing younger more immature women. But male sexuality has the ability to be greater and bigger then what modern pop culture tells men it's about. However, it's up to men to explore that themselves. However, if a man buys into what society tells him to buy into, he will never figure that out.

 

I do agree with you that it does matter what you make out of a bad situatoin. However, I do not think the vast majority of women are so bitter (and men aren't) that it requires men seek younger partners.

[joystickd]

Excuse me but doesn't the "pimp mentality" come from the reality of Pimpin? That in a nutshell is the glorification for an industry. You support the industry if you practice and use the mentalities that come from it.

 

I think the reality is that a lot of men don't want to grown and mature within their romantic or sexual relationships. Which leads them chasing younger more immature women. But male sexuality has the ability to be greater and bigger then what modern pop culture tells men it's about. However, it's up to men to explore that themselves. However, if a man buys into what society tells him to buy into, he will never figure that out.

 

I do agree with you that it does matter what you make out of a bad situatoin. However, I do not think the vast majority of women are so bitter (and men aren't) that it requires men seek younger partners.

If you noticed I also said that women look for younger men for that same reason. Everybody has preferences and its not our place to judge it. If a man wants a younger woman its HIS choice not modern culture. Men wanting younger women has happened throughout the ages so the modern pop culture argument has no place in this.

 

Actually one of the main things of pimpin is something that is universal. Sometimes its best to make someone earn something than just give it to them. Pimp is nothing but a prostitute that has flipped the game on a prostitute. The mindset is if you want something from me you have to earn it. Man wants sex you make him earn that right. Woman wants something you make her earn that right. The truth is people don't respect what's given to them they respect what they had to earn. I don't support the industry I support the knowledge.

[bretthernan]

Many rich, powerful and successful men in western society are either married to a woman who's 50-60 years younger than them or are having an affair with one. It's not uncommon for them to leave their wives for a woman that age. Their actions send messages to our society that set patterns multitudes follow. The most powerful message that practice sends to the average Joe is that you too can and will appear powerful, successful and wealthy to others if you have a young beautiful trophy wife too.

Few people mock the rich men who do that but the average Joe regularly publicly gets called 'disgusting' for doing the same thing. Maybe that's because the rich own the media?

Maybe some men go after younger women because they don't want to be reminded of their own age? Perhaps they don't find older women as attractive as younger women since the media we all are exposed to each day contains a vast number of images of beautiful smiling young women that they use to make products more alluring and there is virtually no presence of older women?

Not all older men want younger women though. Maybe you have to ask why ever do any younger women go after older men?

Who has the right to judge whether two people who genuinely love each other for who they are (as opposed to what they are) should be together or not based upon their age difference? I know of people who have had their friends talk them out of a potentially great relationship just because of a large age difference and I've seen others have a great meaningful romances despite their age difference.

To me the person who expresses the view; 'That's disgusting!' when they see an older man with a younger woman or vice versa, is very much affected by the 'media manipulated opinion pedophilia hysteria syndrome'!

[joystickd]

Many rich, powerful and successful men in western society are either married to a woman who's 50-60 years younger than them or are having an affair with one. It's not uncommon for them to leave their wives for a woman that age. Their actions send messages to our society that set patterns multitudes follow. The most powerful message that practice sends to the average Joe is that you too can and will appear powerful, successful and wealthy to others if you have a young beautiful trophy wife too.

Few people mock the rich men who do that but the average Joe regularly publicly gets called 'disgusting' for doing the same thing. Maybe that's because the rich own the media?

Maybe some men go after younger women because they don't want to be reminded of their own age? Perhaps they don't find older women as attractive as younger women since the media we all are exposed to each day contains a vast number of images of beautiful smiling young women that they use to make products more alluring and there is virtually no presence of older women?

Not all older men want younger women though. Maybe you have to ask why ever do any younger women go after older men?

Who has the right to judge whether two people who genuinely love each other for who they are (as opposed to what they are) should be together or not based upon their age difference? I know of people who have had their friends talk them out of a potentially great relationship just because of a large age difference and I've seen others have a great meaningful romances despite their age difference.

To me the person who expresses the view; 'That's disgusting!' when they see an older man with a younger woman or vice versa, is very much affected by the 'media manipulated opinion pedophilia hysteria syndrome'!

Funny how media is always blamed.

[123321]

You included in that 1234? Because I actually find you to be one of the worst offenders in this thread. And in other threads. This isn't the first, or the last time, you have bragged about the age of the women you've dated. It's also not the first, or will it be the last, where I have heard you make comments about yourself and women and age.

 

In a thread about dating younger women, I will comment about dating younger women. I don't see why that would be anything surprising. If you start a thread about dating women who are good cooks, and I notice it, I will come talk about the cooking abilities of the women I've dated and how that weighs into the relationship.

 

It's called staying on topic.

 

 

 

This isn't a simple case of men talking about the age of their partners because of the topic. The way you talk about women sends a clear message about what you think about women. You seem to think you are better then women. That your worth is more.

 

I don't feel that way at all.

 

 

 

I hope you dated 16 year olds when you were actually 16.

 

I've never broken any laws, if that's what you're implying. I was 17 at the time I believe.

 

 

 

I would hope it was more possible that men could find younger women AND older women just as attractive. Instead of nonsense comments about how older women aren't "replusive".

 

I don't find older women repulsive across the board and as a rule. I do believe that people tend to look better when they are younger unless some life change happens like big money, a sudden dedication to self care, or whatever.

 

As the saying goes, Oil of Olay will never market their products as "Helping You look Older Too", with damn good reason.

 

Have I aged? Sure. Did I look better younger? Of course. I'm not recruiting girlfriends at gunpoint, if they want to date me, I'm all for it, and I'm not going to say I'm sorry about it.

 

 

 

The reality is that those stereotyped comments about comments are said because they are often true.

 

Those comments are no more often true about older men with younger women than with any other male/female relationship. They are just said because the person saying them is feeling bad, sad, envious, or something like that.

[PhillyDude]

I know 18-14 oh I mean 24 but whats the difference I think I just vomited. They are all just children... not sexy

 

How is a 24 year old girl a child to a 36 year old man??????????????

 

 

Help me to understand what you mean