Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[gibson]

I just turned 40 and throughout my 30's I have dated and been in several LTR with women in their 20's and 30's and never dated a women because of her age.

 

Now if you ask me and my friends what we commonly see...

 

It is very, very difficult to find a women in her late 20's / 30's that is truly happy, a pleasure to get to know, fun, sense of adventure, etc.

 

Most (NOT ALL) of the ones we dated or were involved were "damaged goods".

 

Why?

 

They either had a LTR with a "bad boy" or just partied throughout their 20's and dated a ton of "bad boys".

 

Unfortunately, there are consequences for bad choices, making bad decisions and actions which are...

 

Women that are bitter, angry, jealous as hell, think way to much, try to hard, too serious too soon, closed off, forget about trust, controlling, manipulative, burning the candle at both ends you don't generally age well, do not know how to have fun, you can go ahead and forget having a "honeymoon phase"... you feel more like a life coach, shoulder to cry on or a shrink.

 

Now if you don't get one of the ones above... You also have to dodge the women that are looking for a "cardboard insert" for their wedding photos, the ones that want your man juice / wallet and to be the father of their kids.

 

The problem isn't their age or looks and what chaps my a55... They expect us to pay for crimes we didn't commit, clean up the messes we didn't make or be a bell hop and stiff us without a tip or thank you after we take their 3 cartloads of "baggage".

 

For whatever reason... this "damage" seems to be permanent because they never do the hard work or take the steps to heal. It's sad... it really is.

[xxoo]

To me that theory applies to some men.

 

If it was men in general or majority I doubt there'd be so much talk of aging wifes, replacing wifes with new models, fear of her not keeping up her appearance, talk of stretch marks/wrinkles, how younger is better, focusing more on younger gals than the same age partner, etc.

 

If these changes affect attraction, I wonder how much love was truly there. Or what happened to the love.

 

Of course, it is important for men and women to care for their bodies. But the women I know are not seriously stressing over crows feet and stretch marks.

[udolipixie]

Wow, watching you argue is like hearing nails on a chalkboard.

I'm not arguing. I'm just stating what I agree & disagree with.

Arguing to me is more like trying to prove you're correct & the other person is wrong.

 

I'm not sure if xxoo felt it was an argument of me stating what I agree/disagree with.

 

You make a damning statement,

What damning statement did I make.

 

I stated the reason he chose her to begin with was because of X as he wanted & pursued X as most likely if she did not have X he wouldn't have been with her to begin with.

 

then nitpick your way out of it worse than OJ Simpson's defense lawyers when you realize it might hurt your popularity.

What am I nitpicking my way out of?

 

Why would I care if something I think could hurt my popularity? Are you that validated by other's opinions of you particularly in this case mainly random strangers.

[udolipixie]

If these changes affect attraction, I wonder how much love was truly there. Or what happened to the love.

It's something to wonder about but it isn't a default or automatic wonder to me as to me you can be attracted or more attracted to others and still love and be attracted to your partner.

 

Attraction to a person to me would be hard to maintain as a constant thing

if the person ages.

 

Of course, it is important for men and women to care for their bodies. But the women I know are not seriously stressing over crows feet and stretch marks.

Different experiences.

I haven't met or known many who aren't seriously stressing over those factors.

 

I've met & know many gals seriously stressing over those things in all age ranges.

I've met & know many gals I know seriously stressing over those things in all age ranges when others start insulting, degrading, and dehumanizing women for aging.

[xxoo]

I agree he never would have given her a chance if she'd been his age.

 

But lots of people have age ranges from which they are willing to date. Many on the dating forum say +/- 5 years. Does that mean that they primarily chose their partner because of their age? Or just that, among all the people in that age range, they chose the one person who was right for them?

[xxoo]

It's something to wonder about but it isn't a default or automatic wonder to me as to me you can be attracted or more attracted to others and still love and be attracted to your partner.

 

Attraction to a person to me would be hard to maintain as a constant thing

if the person ages.

 

I have a lot of thoughts on this, but I'll just say that IME, attraction thrives where love is strong (although attraction can also exist elsewhere).

 

Different experiences.

I haven't met or known many who aren't seriously stressing over those factors.

 

I've met & know many gals seriously stressing over those things in all age ranges.

I've met & know many gals I know seriously stressing over those things in all age ranges when others start insulting, degrading, and dehumanizing women for aging.

 

I am very, very grateful that my core group of men and women don't stress over such things. What a drag that would be!

[udolipixie]

I agree he never would have given her a chance if she'd been his age.

Hence why I put it is necessarily true that that's the reason he's with her to begin with.

 

But lots of people have age ranges from which they are willing to date. Many on the dating forum say +/- 5 years.

 

Does that mean that they primarily chose their partner because of their age?

Yes to me.

 

It's the importance and whether you'd be with that person if they didn't have X that makes it you chose your partner primarily because of X to me.

 

Most likely there's other factors (Y) why you're with them but those are secondary as if they dind't have X then Y wouldn't matter.

 

If there's a restriction/deal breaker aka if that person didn't have that factor you wouldn't have considered them than you primarily chose them because of that factor. Like if you're only willing to date only blondes or brunettes then you primarily chose your partner because of their hair color.

 

Or just that, among all the people in that age range, they chose the one person who was right for them?

It's both to me. They chose the person they decided was right for them aka person they wanted (X factors) who was right for them (Y factors).

[Els]

FWIW, I don't know many guys IRL who fixate on having a girl very much younger than them either. Granted, most of the men I know are in their 20s or early 30s, so I suppose that plays a part, since if they were to go for a girl 10+ years younger than them, she would be in her teens . I do agree that these men tend to be in the minority, at least amongst the people I know. So I wouldn't worry about it too much, ladies.

[xxoo]

FWIW, I don't know many guys IRL who fixate on having a girl very much younger than them either. Granted, most of the men I know are in their 20s or early 30s, so I suppose that plays a part, since if they were to go for a girl 10+ years younger than them, she would be in her teens . I do agree that these men tend to be in the minority, at least amongst the people I know. So I wouldn't worry about it too much, ladies.

 

I don't know too many, either. The ones I've known were divorced men in their 40s or so.

[PlumPrincess]

Seriously, man, I prefer women closer to my own age, always have, but it's a fact that MANY younger women like being with older men, and that fact bears out IME time and time again. I have no reason whatsoever to lie on here. Do you think anyone's opinion of me here matters? Have you read my posts? You were in HS a few years back, were the cream of the crop women dating freshmen and sophmores or juniors and seniors? Were the senior women dating down in age? Or were they already going to college age parties? Same for college throughout. Have you seen any of the dozens or hundreds of "I love my boss, I f-cked my boss, I cheated on my BF with my boss" threads here? I have. Are the dozens and hundreds of women who say here in many threads that they like older men simply lying? Why would they?

It's true. Most girls I knew in highschool were either dating someone their age or a little bit older, like one or two years older. A guy much older than the girl seemed kind of fishy. And I only remember one girl who dated a guy who was two years younger and it was rare. When I was in my twenties I thought I wanted plus/minus three years, although I admit, three years younger seemed a lot to me. When I ask guy friends now how old they are since I had forgotten their age and they tell me, I often think, "oh, that's not such a big age difference," but when we met I kind of thought they were so much younger than me. I prefer someone closer to my age and it kind of sucks to see that a lot of guys my age seem to prefer younger women. I could date guys much younger than me, because I look young, but I'm not really interested.

[Els]

Yep, many girls and guys I know prefer someone 1-3 years older (or conversely younger), although many of them also ditched those 'requirements' when they fell in love with someone. But I won't lie, insisting on a 10+ year age difference is creepy IMO, and I don't personally know anyone with preferences for such.

[gibson]

Does anyone else find it strange that these same "older" angry and bitter women that are bashing men for passing on them and dating younger women in this thread are the very same women that dated losers and "bad boys" throughout their 20's?

 

Now go take a look in all the "Why do women date losers / bad boy" threads and these same women posting here in this thread are also the ones blaming, ripping and saying it's the losers and "bad boys" fault even though they are ones that dated them over and over again.

 

So I am suppose to pay for crimes that I did not commit, clean up a mess I didn't make and be a bell boy that gets stiffed without a tip or thank you for taking their 3 cartloads of "baggage"?

 

No thanks! I will pass on that and go for a younger women that is happy, that appreciates me, that is a joy to be around, that isn't a manhater, that doesn't want a loser or "bad boy", that has less "mileage" and isn't permanently screwed up in the head because of her bad decisions and taste in men back in her 20's / "prime".

 

That, is why me and most of my friends date younger women. It has NOTHING to do with age or looks.

[Negative Nancy]

I like! Cute. hihihihihi

But what if the guy wants to see her birth cirtificate? LOL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

 

because men are shallow and only care about youth and beauty.

 

the age and weight dilemma for women is the equivalent to the wallet and height dilemma for men...no gender has it better than the other when it comes to dating.

 

in fact, women are judged much harder on their non-changeable factor (age) than men are on theirs (height). weight can be lost, money can be aquired, but a skinny but 60 year old women with a wrinkly used-up old face still won't have interested men beating down her door, whereas a rich man of average height will always attract women (what type of women is another question, but that's not the point here).

 

the best thing is not getting attached to a man, they are all potential cheaters anyway. they will thank you for being a mother and wife by dumping you for the young secretary.

Edited March 29, 2012 by Negative Nancy

[Negative Nancy]

The sooner us women learn that men think they are overall better human beings holding more worth to their world since they tout their greatness well into old age, the sooner us women learn that we are just worthless piles of wasted space that are only acceptable to be in the presence of men when we are young and beautiful and full of “baby making health”, the sooner women just lie down and die after the age of 30 so that all the wonderful and aging men can have their chances with the “young beauties”, the happier it seems men will be. What do I learn from this? That men think they have more worth and are better then women. Whenever I hear older men talk about how “why shouldn’t I go for younger women”, “older men age better”, “older men are better”, “older women are ugly”, “after 30 women are worthless”...and the millions of other justifications that come across this board everyday of men trying to convince themselves of their worth while stomping on the heads of women to do it, I learn that men think women are just completely worthless unless they are young. And that even for those young women, their worth to a man isn’t worth much since those younger women will also age. And they will be left with a man that has about as much respect and true care for her as he did for women his own age. A man that still believes he is a more worthwhile human being then a woman because he wants to believe that he gets better with age and that women get worse. And this type of man will justify this thought process on the back of all the younger women that turned him down in his day. Never once thinking about the girls that even when young, also got turned down by young men. And why? Because these men don’t really care or even like women. Young or old. They might like a tight body and pretty face but this is not a real like for women as people.

 

Sorry for the rant but I am so sick and tired of hearing men tell us how worthless women are. Like women don't deserve to be loved or have sex or want a relationship with a good guy after a certain age. I am so sick and tired of men pretending they are better or that they age better or that they look better.. It's such bullcrap. And it's really boarders on misogonisitic. And it simply makes me think that as a woman, it doesn't matter what you do. You will never win with a man because what matters to him and most men is the youngest package he can get. And that is what these conversations boil down to. It almost makes me feel like men would actuallly be happy jsut to shipt every woman over 30 over to an island and shot them down like dogs while puffing out his chest and acting like he is such a stud over 30.

 

Well we get it guys! You win! You are all Mr. Wonderfuls. you and your "buddies" banging and using al lteh "hot young tail" while laughing at women. And wome nare all just pieces of sh*t..You win. Good for you. This must be what you want anyway.

 

great post as usual, JS

[xxoo]

the best thing is not getting attached to a man, they are all potential cheaters anyway. they will thank you for being a mother and wife by dumping you for the young secretary.

 

Did you feel that way when you were younger?

 

All these negative attitudes about not trusting men are valid reasons for men to look elsewhere.

 

I know a 60-something woman who was widowed a few years back, after a long and happy marriage. She isn't thin, pretty, or young, but she was snatched up by a widower, and is now remarried. It's great when good partners find each other, at any age

[Negative Nancy]

I had it up to here with all this nonsense you guys enjoy telling yourselves about how "women had their chance...." and now how "women deserve what htey get for the trail of broken hearts they left in their wake." I haven't left a trail of broken hearts in my wake! yes, I have rejected some men. Yes, I have broken up relationships with men. But I have ALSO been rejected! I have had many boyfriends break up with me! I have been rejected by a wide variety of men with different income/education/body types. I have not only dated young hot buff rich guys! I am so sick of you guys telling yourselves that , "women had their chance" just because YOU have been rejected by pretty women. Or you have seen your friends rejected by pretty women. Yet you don't EVER consider the women that have been rejected, or the men that never followed up to go on dates with a woman again. I do NOT deserve to be punished just because I didn't get married at 21. And I refuse to let men like you tell me what I "missed the train" on. I certainly think it makes you feel better to believe this happens. Because the reality is you don't really like women. You only like women when they offer you youth. But that's not a real like for women as people. That's only about what you get from a woman. I have a full life ahead of me God willing. And I refuse to let men like you tell me my worth just because I didn't fit into the pre-scripted fantasy world you wanted to box me in where I hosuld have been settled down already. And where you tell yourselves I an all to blame for my "circumstances" while you also blame me and other women for yours. Grow up.

 

this hits the nail right on the head. not all women had the upper hand in their younger years, and many girls who would've loved to have a serious relationship were cheated on by the guys their age because contrary to popular belief , young men in their 20s are not exactly dying to settle down with women their age. instead, they'd rather live it up and bang as many women as possible. so i too can't hear these "women in their 20s who failed to get hitched have only themselves to blame". it's simply not true. many men in their 20s are just scumbags who just wanna hit and quit. in fact, men of all ages are scumbags who, if the rules were up to them, would just "spread their seed" wide and far and never settle down with one woman. they would only settle down if they had a harem, so men can save their breaths about how women are the ones to blame for failing relationships/connections.

[Negative Nancy]

Well I want to have kids one day and yes women can have children into their 40's but I'd like for my future wife to have 2 kids before she is 35 so here is the plan: Date a 26 year old for 18 mos, propose, be engaged for 6 mos, have a year of no kids to get used to things then have the 1st kid, she'll be 30 then. Have another kid 2 years later and she'll be 32. So that means my ABSOLUTE LIMIT age wise is 30 becase that would put the 1st kid being born at about 34. That being said that would be in a perfect world and I'm 30 so my maximum will go up each year.

 

one day? just have kids now, man. why is it ok for you to be an old father in his 30s but women are supposed to be the young 20 somethings that should give you their health and fertility just because you didn't manage to mature earlier in life to become a father?

[NXS]

I generally go for younger women, 28-36 (I'm 42), and the main reason is the lack of suitable women my age. It's already a small dating pool but when you factor in the man-haters, childlike adults, women with bitter/entitled attitudes, ex-party girls, overweight women who won't take care of themselves and the various combinations thereof there's really not much left to choose from.

 

I like older women who have self-respect, take care of themselves, don't hate men and dress appropriately for their age. I'm currently flirting with a 40 yo who's exactly what I like in older women but unfortunately she is a rarity. So it's not so much the age as the other factors that make me go for younger women.

[Negative Nancy]

Oh yes! Please blame women more about being "proactive" even as you talk about how you will approach the kind of women you really want! Younger ones! Because women being proactive and approaching will certainaly all the sudden make men see women their own age as more beautiful. Yeah. Okay.

 

exactly. the only "proactive" women men want in their life are the hot young ones. i bet men everywhere in the world aren't exactly wishing for 40, 50 or 60 year old women to be "more proactive" or "more approaching".

[Negative Nancy]

The facts are, younger women are available to date older men. So if a man really wants that, he can probably get it.

 

not with this woman; i would never date a significantly older man. it would make me think that he's more attracted to young women, so once i hit a certain age, he'd dump me for a younger one or cheat on me.

 

men of all ages do cheat, but an older man is just asking for trouble once the woman at his side gets older.

[Negative Nancy]

OLDER GUYS GO FOR MUCH YOUNGER Girls because MUCH YOUNGER GIRLS ARE SEXY.

 

That's all there is to it.

 

I'd take any sexy 18 year old any time!!

 

this is the cold hard truth that many men are trying to omit by talking about "younger women are more energetic, have less baggage, blah blah blah" but when it comes down to it, it's really just about shallow, superficial, vanishing reasons like looks.

 

suffice to say, i'm not surprised.

 

 

I have a theory that men "see" their partner how they first met them. Even if their wife ages or gains weight, they see the "young girl" they fell in love with--at least as long as they are in love.

 

And I think this contributes to aging men looking for younger women. If they meet here while she is still young, she will ALWAYS be young in his eyes.

 

right, because no man has ever left his aging wife that is "always young in his eyes" for a younger woman.

Edited March 29, 2012 by Negative Nancy

[Thieves]

Does anyone else find it strange that these same "older" angry and bitter women that are bashing men for passing on them and dating younger women in this thread are the very same women that dated losers and "bad boys" throughout their 20's?

 

Now go take a look in all the "Why do women date losers / bad boy" threads and these same women posting here in this thread are also the ones blaming, ripping and saying it's the losers and "bad boys" fault even though they are ones that dated them over and over again.

 

So I am suppose to pay for crimes that I did not commit, clean up a mess I didn't make and be a bell boy that gets stiffed without a tip or thank you for taking their 3 cartloads of "baggage"?

 

No thanks! I will pass on that and go for a younger women that is happy, that appreciates me, that is a joy to be around, that isn't a manhater, that doesn't want a loser or "bad boy", that has less "mileage" and isn't permanently screwed up in the head because of her bad decisions and taste in men back in her 20's / "prime".

 

That, is why me and most of my friends date younger women. It has NOTHING to do with age or looks.

 

Gibson, I understand where you're coming from and can even agree at some points, but I think you're also contradicting yourself. If dating younger women wasn't at all about age (I'm focusing on the age aspect at the moment), then you would've substituted your choice of words, "younger women", with just "women".

 

By saying younger women, that means there must be something there that distinguishes the two groups in a positive and negative way (in your opinion). So it very much does have to do with age as a factor, or else you'd be much more open to dating women your age who don't have the negative qualities typically associated with older women.

 

More than anything, I'm interested in something else. What is your perspective on older men who also 'played the field' in their youth (as in their 20's), made bad decisions, possibly acquired some bad relationships along the way... and yet still prefer younger women as they age? Wouldn't this mean that for several of those older men, they somehow believe that they themselves are not jaded or have "baggage" from past experiences, just like women of their age?

 

And again, where are all these older women they're meeting with too much "baggage" getting their baggage from in the first place, as they certainly aren't dating themselves. It takes two to tango or to have a relationship, does it not? So do you honestly think that many men who are in their late 30's, 40's, and beyond are not just as jaded or bitter as their female counterparts?

 

My point is, it's important to take in both sides of the story. If older men have had too many bad experiences with women their age and eventually, at some point, begin to form a preference for younger women based mostly on this experience... that is somewhat proof that these older men could be bitter, or "damaged goods" as well. Because wouldn't that count as a jaded/bitter mindset in them? And is it necessarily right to date younger women and have them experience the effects of this because you've had some bad experiences or made a few bad decisions with women your age?

Edited March 29, 2012 by Thieves

[Negative Nancy]

What is your perspective on older men who also 'played the field' in their youth (as in their 20's), made bad decisions, possibly acquired some bad relationships along the way... and yet still prefer younger women as they age? Wouldn't this mean that for several of those older men, they somehow believe that they themselves are not jaded or have "baggage" from past experiences, just like women of their age?

 

 

very good point, but i wouldn't expect a reasonable answer from men on this one...

[ThaWholigan]

very good point, but i wouldn't expect a reasonable answer from men on this one...

What constitutes a reasonable answer, oh negative one??

 

[PhillyDude]

why even waste the energy complaining? its that man's preference.

 

Because most women feel they have the right to be picky because they were born with a vagina.